Shaun's Patch

Southland Times, Issue 21480, 24 August 1931, Page 8

Shaun's Patch

A little nonsense now and then Is relished by the wisest men. —Hudibras.

Three little parties found that they Could have a noisy argument ev’ry day, Talking hard of this, talking hard of that But never getting very far from where they started at. Up jumped a fellow and he said: “Look here, We’ll be no further if we talk all year, Gassing of the country, gassing of the city— What we really need is an Economy Committee.” Then smiled another and he sighed: “That’s grand! Let’s get together in a fine new band. Though you may be cautious, I will get you yet For this is going to work into a National Cabinet.” The third made his answer and be said “Go slow! There’s one thing more that I’d like to know: We may have snorted and we may have moaned, But will you be proposing the Election be postponed?” Then rose the first and replied: “All right, So long as we don’t begin another fight. Y’ou have your government, and you have your run — All I’m sayin’s ‘here’s a job, let’s go and get it done.’ ” Well done, Canterbury! * * * * If' the laws permitted, I’d wager that Canterbury thinks there is something in the log of wood after all. * * * e “Love at first sight” Is successful in a book, But living people always want To have a second look. * * * * The man who saves money to-day is not frugal; he’s a wizard. THE INNOCENTS. She thought a votary was a polling booth. * One of the great discoveries of modern times is that a tariff is not a domestic question. * * * * The lady sweeps out of the room; the servant sweeps out the room. ■» * * * Family jars are the things you should preserve your tempers in. * * * * EDUCATIONAL AIDS. Give a sentence containing the word “Bolivia”: “Does your Bolivia?” * * * * MOTOR NOTES. If the driver of the car in front extends his right arm it means he is: (a) Knocking the ash off his cigarette. (b) Pointing to the scenery. (c) Measuring the length of a putt. (d) Feeling for rain. (e) Hailing a friend. (f) Easing a tight armhole. (g) Adding a postscript to his daily dozen. (h) Going to stop. (i) Stretching. (j) Turning to the right. An onion: Potential halitosis. * * * * BREAKFAST DIALOGUES. S: They have razor slashers in Sydney. J: Not in the barber saloons? S: No; they attack men in the street. J: The authorities should cut that out. S: It must be dong by roughs. J: Stopped or stropped, eh ? S: Well, it is a nasty situation to face. J: A nasty situation for the face. S: Men require some protection. J: If these slashers were made to use safety razors, the trouble would soon be ended. S: There’s a safety in numbers. J: In numbers of houses.' S: No in numbers, in many. J: That’s a figure of speech. S: What are figures of speech? J: Statistics, usually. S: And what are statistics? J; Figures collected to enable politicians and editors to prove anything. S: Is that like a balance sheet? J: No, my dear; a balance sheet usually proves confusing. S: But both sides agree. J: -They agree to differ. S: Then how do you find the profit? J: I am at a loss to tell you. S: What doth it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul. J: To that sort of man profit is the sole aim. S: That reminds me. Your explanation of your late arrival this morning was decidely fishy. J: You don’t think it was a cod? S: The way you came up the stairs suggested a groper.