Shaun’s Patch

Southland Times, Issue 21430, 26 June 1931, Page 8

Shaun’s Patch

▲ little nonsense now lad then II relished by tho wisest men. —Hudibras. : ■

The constant red menaces: Sunburn. Alcohol. 1 Indigestion. Tail-lights. Doctor’s lamps. * Some strong anti-feminist has said: A man should be master in his own house or know the reason why. The trouble is that most of us know the reason why. * Culture: The proper crook in the little finger while drinking. A finishing school: Two-up. » *. * * The announcement that the books published in England in 1930 were lower by several thousands (han in 1929 shows that Edgar Wallace is taking more time over his work. * * * * When I find people objecting to public petting I realize that public sentiment is opposed to public sentiment. * EDUCATIONAL AIDS. Give a sentence containing the word “stupify”: . “I’ll stupify am too tall for the door. * * « * Some neighbours drop in for a call; some call in for a drop. * . * * * If the Soviet prohibits religion in Russia, what do they call the religious bootlegger there ? 15- * * * Well, I’m fat enough to tell any disarmament conference that it is mighty difficult to reduce. » * * * SOUTHLAND LIMERICKS. A lady, a generous soul, Once sent a poor man a fresh sole. It wasn’t a catch But some leather to patch His boots, when he spoke of “This ’ole.” * * * * I often think it requires a good deal of pluck for a woman to go in for those thin pencil eyebrows. * * * * “There is nothing like hard work.” Well, any joy we may have as a result of that discovery is diminshed by the fact that there is hard work. » ♦ * » THE INNOCENTS. She thought a lifebuoy was the son of a lifeguard. * THE PUZZLE. I like this one by Montague: The antelope is mild and kind, He has a calm and gentle mind, And none of his soft-hearted clan Would lift a hoof to war with man. The zebra roves in harmless bands All over Afric’s burning sands. Upon his own affairs employed He does not kick unless 'annoyed. The ostrich never is inclined To start a war on human kind. He dwells within the tropic zone And asks but to be let alone. And many other kinds of brutes Engage upon their own pursuits, And from a shred of spite arc free Against such folks as you and me. And yet these beasts of honest worth Must shortly perish from the earth, While rats, mosquitoes, gnats and flies, Regard us with malicious eyes, And spend their days in evil strife Against our so-called human life. ' And they, who with Old Nick are linked, Will not for ages be extinct. For man, though why nobody knows, Destroys his friends and spares his foes. * * » * THE OLD STORY. Before she was his blushing bride, To church they journeyed side by side. But now each Sunday morn alone, Comes down the aisle his pretty Joan. Ah yes poor chap he’s lost his punch, He stays at home and makes the lunch. —R. the S.