Shaun's Patch

Southland Times, Issue 21361, 6 April 1931, Page 8

Shaun's Patch

A little noneeaee now and then Il reliehed by the wleest men. —Hudlbrae.

One advantage the typewriter has over the pen is that when you are not certain whether it is "ei” or “ie” you. pile one letter on the. other and let the reader do his best. * * ..' * . * When people talk about fixtures in a flat they do not mean to include the occupants. • * * Statisticians say that men’s shoulders, are becoming broader. That will please those excellent fellows who devise new taxation. » .» The best thing for a man who is continuallj’ trotting out proverbs and wise sayings is a maxim silencer. * * <5 ♦ The golfer -was non-plussed when his score was fatter than bogey. *-» * ■ » Beneficial rains are reported in Australia, but in some places thete have been floods. It never rains but it [xsors. * * * » ADVICE TO MARRIED MEN ANXIOUS j? TO SAVE. Just make money faster than your family can spend it,.and Mr Forbes will take the balance. * * * * You will be told that it is very , important to know what to say and when to say it; but it is equally valuable to know what not to say and when not to say it. * * * * THE INNOCENTS. He thought sweetbreads were pastry. * * * * EDUCATIONAL AIDS. Give me a sentence containing the word “indemnify.” "He dared me to go, indemnify won’t.” * * * * A city youth took a job on a farm, and when he reached it his new boss asked him if he was familiar with goats; but he replied: “I know too much about them to be familiar with them.” Before one can accept the late Earl of Birkenhead one has to be satisfied that he can give the name of the Sahara golf champion in 2030. He hasn’t done that —in fact he has not even mentioned golf. No wonder he never became Prime Minister. Astronomers state that the universe is now “hundreds of quadrillions of miles” smaller than it used to be. Another evidence of the depression! * * * * Three of the biggest glue-making firms in the United States have merged. Evidently they want to stick together. A HUSBAND'S CONFESSION. One thing I know —I’m very lazy, It’s known to all my family And each one’s tried so hard to see That on the subject I’m not hazy. At my work it’s not suspected, For there they do not know me well Sufficiently to let them tell If by the loaf-bug I’m infected. . From morn to night they see me working, Sixteen hours at a stretch; But they don’t know the awful wretch I really am, adept at shirking. If they but knew their hearts would harden They’d write me down a lazy man Who’ll wriggle out, whene’er he can, Of digging in the family garden.