Shaun’s Patch

Southland Times, Issue 20903, 12 October 1929, Page 13

Shaun’s Patch

“A LITTLE NONSENSE NOW AND THEN" —“ Hudibrat."

A few minutes conversation with the intellectual fellows who stand fast by the classics and deplore the rude ways of the age are enough to convince me that if we were ruled by these fellows we would still Light fires by rubbing sticks; Use Shanks’s ponies for transportation; Read our books on bricks; Hear our music in the brooks and birds; Have the sun as our only illuminant; And caves for houses. * * * » An American writer has stated that the moral laws are eternal. Observing the moral laws, one ceases to care about death. ♦ * ❖ ♦ Henry Ford should be able to write an autobiography. SOUTHLAND LIMERICKS. There was once a painter called Faed And excellent pictures he maed. Fame may be immortal, But as life is quite short'll Say Faed faeds and is laid in his plaed. A SLEEPER’S RONDEAU. O dreams you often come to me To people slumber I can see The value of the pictured bliss You offer; I would never miss One single moment willingly. Sometimes, of course, I have to be Prompted to nocturnal glee By toasted cheese, for I to this owe dreams. But still an irritating flea Bites underneath the hosiery Of joy there comes —a fear it is— The thought in night’s enjoyed abyss Of talking films! Can I risk thee, 0 dreams ? » » * « MORE PARTNERS. Do and Dare. Nip and Tuck. B. and S. Bib and Tucker. Bacon and Eggs. • « * • TOMBSTONE JINGLES. Here lies the body Of Jeremiah Bepps, Who came down a ladder And didn’t use the steps. A correspondent has sent me in the fol-« lowing firms, all the names for which have been taken from the New Zealand Post Office Directory:—

FAMOUS FIRMS. Wynn & Holder. Bacon & Eggers. Canny, Scott & Co. Butt & Benn. Sweet & Lowe. Letts, Love & Wynn. Pairmaid & Winning. Waghorn & Butt. Jonas, Whale & Co. Hay, Seed & Co. Cock, Crowe & Co. Kydd, Meehan & Co. Heaps, Owen & Co. Robb & Steele. Penny, Wise & Co. Adam, Badman & Co. Merrie, Andrew & Co. Begg & Borrow. Weir, Cumming, Home & Co. Well, Dunn & Co. Webb, Foote & Co. Watt Isitt & Co. Long Way and Co. Welsh, Rabbit & Co. Small, Fry & Co. Hall, Marks & Co. Town, Hall & Co. Tosh, Mann & Co. Hale and Harty. Strange, Guy & Co. Gold, Rush & Co. Auld, Robb & Gray. Broad, Bean & Co. Pay, Toomey & Co. Day & Knight. Penman & Knibbe. Ewart & Isitt (grammar astray here). Doe, Rae, Mee & Co. Grubb & Tucker Ruff & Ready. Trot & Canter. Trigg & Trim, Ure, Self & Co. Going, Going, Gawn & Co. Hewitt, Instone & Co. Common, Phelan <fc Co. Camm & Still. . Wood, Ash it Co. Little, Pett & Co. Bunny, Burrows it Co. Juste, Bee, Caws & Co. Rabbit, Warren & Co. Hind, Legg & Co. Lyon, Lowe & Co. Lovey, Dovey & Co. * * * « FAMOUS HANDS. Padarewski’s . across the sea. The Vanished . “I must —- it to you.” Applause. The Right that knew what the Left — was doing. work. Father’s . Ace, King, Queen, Jack, Ten of Hearts. » ♦ « a BONDS. Warehouses. 5 per cents. Handcuffs. | Wedding rinzs. I

A MARINE TRAGEDY. There once was a fellow de C., Who felt fit for felo-de-see; He left port on a craft, Waved his arms and then laft And the poor fellow fell o’ de sea. EDUCATIONAL AIDS. A correspondent proposes this sentence to use the word “ruminate”: “That dog got into my ruminate everything in it.” Which reminds me of the sentence with “intercede” in it: “He went intercede man about it.” ■s * * ♦ There are people who tell you that if you are sufficiently strong willed you can do anything, especially if every morning you stand up and make a declaration to that effect. I wonder if this has ever been tried to keep hair from falling out. ❖ * :jt * When disarmament is being considered it is necessary to remember that we must prepare before we pare. ❖■# * * Has anyone calculated the amount of energy wasted by women pulling down their skirts ? • ■» * » To many a small boy 'Twould be the purest grace Just to have the chance To wash his mother’s face. * * * * I notice that an American paper alludes to Olga Preobrezhenskaya as a woman of letters. I have no quarrel with the statement. * * # * If the woman who asks to be allowed to try on a dress in the window were permitted to do so would it be called good window dressing ? * » * » Some cynic has said that if Lady Godiva rode through Coventry in these days there would be thousands of Peeping Toms . . . to see the horse. * * * * When you come to think of it, there is nothing surprising in a Labour Party pressing for shorter hours and a bigger honorarium.

INCREDULITIES. And when question time came every member of Parliament was silent. A Gas Bill: The Cost of Hansard. * * * * Deer Stalking: They hardly ever do anjthing else. ♦ * ♦ • EDUCATIONAL AIDS. Give me a sentence with the word “deodorize” in it. “One eye’s black but deodorize all right.” * * * • CRYPTOGRAMS. There are a number of short words in this sentence, but it may cause some difficulty in spite of that: DJK JPMK BYFF QJPMK JYQ FKDDZXK MPMK BYDJ PCG TPQQYCH JZCRMG EKPM—DJPD'Q SPYM! This one is in verse: ST ITTZTO P OTUTXK IVAK VY USPE IV FPI SRI YARTXO PXO P UAVFOTO KAPRX VX P KSATT SVBA ABX FRKS P lEVQTX FVAO PXO P JPBNS KV UPE ITKI VXT lERXXRXN KST HPAX KSPK RI PJEPHI lEBX TAT P GVBAXTH TXO. The answers to last week’s cryptograms are: (a) Important industrial institutions inspire intense interest in investing individuals. (b) Thus is my sommer wome away and wasted Thus is my harvest hastened all to rathe: The eare that budded faire is burnt and blasted, And all my hoped gaine is turned to scathe. Of all the seede, that in my youth was sowne, Was nought but brakes and brambles to be mourne. —"The Shepheardes Calender” (December) by Spenser. ♦ • • • DOUBLE ACROSTIC. If in the first class you are reckoned It is certain that you will be classed as the second; The first should move freely in country and town, But the second is likely to bring the first down.

(1) To obtain this feathered friend you’d better Secure a fish and change a letter. (2) Poke this in and you will note How much it will assist a boat (3) Remove an ancient age you find At both ends of a pastoral kind. (4) A peaceful rest, but, please, beware, For it will also make a tear. (5) Crafty or a friend But ’twill threaten with end. (6) On thin ice and the initial hiss Removed will leave a well-known miss. (7) President, hunter, carrying a gun, Will give you a light-hearted one. LAST WEEK’S ACROSTIC. (1) CourT (2) Lov e R (3) wA g r Am (4) Pom P