Shaun's Patch

Southland Times, Issue 20897, 5 October 1929, Page 13

Shaun's Patch

“A LITTLE NONSENSE NOW AND THEN” —" Hudibras.”

Life will be very dull now without protests from Star and expressions of gratitude from Pirates.

A black cloud has draped the Stars in mourning.

I notice that a man who stole overcoats was described as a man of bad habits, but any judge will admit that as the coats were new' he was doing his best to acquire good habits.

This football is a splendid game, But somea'ay it will need a crutch, For rumours make it clear to me The players talk a lot too much. » * * »

Every time I go to the Talkies, I think of the Censor’s job when the speaking version of “What Price Glory” comes to this country!

Poggs: I hope for better, happier days and renewed prosperity. Boggs: Yes, I’m a Reformer, too. * * :J: *

Some of the witnesses seem to be making the going very rough for the pumice lands, and it looks as if they were trying to draw a veil over the main question.

So the Netherlands authorities stopped the broadcasting of Dr Hanhoving’s speech because it might offend Mussolini. Afraid of getting in Dutch, evidently. The real explanation, of course, is that Hanhoving is an atheist, and criticism of Mussolini in Italy is atheism.

One man’s loss is another man’s gain. My neighbour's radio kept me awake until 3 a.m. and after I had fallen asleep he got music from Chicago.

The older generation wonders what the younger generation will pay in the future. The younger generation wonders what the older generation will pay in the present

Sir Joseph Ward says there will be no one unemployed in five weeks’ time. What about . the secretary to the Unemployed Committee 1

One advantage enjoyed of the knights in the days of bold was that they didn’t have to worry about their suits becoming shiny.

** * « * INSOMNIA. Some lose sleep from worry, Some through having pains, Some because of whistles From the midnight trains.

Cold feet are a reason, Nerves affect big numbers And squalling children also Rob some folk of slumbers.

Neighbours holding parties Keep many from their sleep, And some remain awake all night Counting leaping sheep.

But though there’re many reasons Why sleep is lost, ’tis said Most people lose it just because They will ’not- go to bed.

DOUBLE ACROSTICS. Applause of thunder and something for mice, Together they make a political vice (1) There regal splendour one may see, Or rags or criminality. (2) “Sighing like a furnace,” yet he knows Th’ affection of the world, the saying goes. (3) Take a battle without tail or head A beauteous Indian city find instead. (4) With circumstance in music you will find This on parade, ’tis stiff in any kind. LAST WEEK’S ASROSTIC. (1) CaresS (2) II a Te (3) E r In (4) DarneL (5) DigesT (6) A II Oway (7) R u N No. 6 —See “Tam O’ Shanter.”

THE YOUNG ADAM. When loosened from the millionth illusion I reach at last the definite conclusion That all the problems mankind has evolved Bj’ Man’s tremendous brain have been dissolved, , When there’s no call to conquer worlds of doubt Because there’s nought we don’t know all about, And there’s no argument worth while to hold I’ll feel at last that I am growing old. When I have reached the comforting decision That all our laws are quite beyond revision, And am convinced the country’s politics Are really an amusing box. of tricks, When retail prices cease to make me worry, When I take trams because I’m in a hurry, That is, of course, before I shun all haste As youth’s device our precious Time to waste, When I’m content to let religions rage I’ll know at last that I am feeling age. When pictures fail to agitate my senses; And I’m convinced that all Art mere pretence is, That music loudly loved by strict musicians Is writ by men who’re really mathe-

maticians, Existing on the ancient, worn-out notion That what is popular ain’t worth emotion, When verses without capitals are writ And fail to irritate my soul one whit, ' When I have lost all fierce desire to choke The talkie tenor and that other bloke

Who sings of roses and of hearts so true, I’ll know my sands are close to running through.

And when I cease to feel my pulses beating The time to jazz, when I am calm in

meeting The baby vamp, whose azure eyes adoring Are really of a female tiger snoring,

When I’m unmoved by elegance in dresses, And care not whether long or Eton’d tresses Are worn, when I don’t feel an agitation When youthful beauty sebks a warm flirtation, When nd regrets within my bosom ranklo As I behold a trim and natty ankle, When racy stories fail to stir my laughter Inside or out, w-hen careless what comes after ■I think no more of sills upon my head I’ll be convinced at last that I am dead. • * * * There is a wealth of sound criticism in the statement that to-day one doesn’t have to run away with another man’s wife —one can walk. CRYPTOGRAMS. The first test this week involves a nun* ber of words having an obvious relationship. ABCDEFGHF AHJKLFEAGM AHLFAFKFADHL AHLCAEN AHFNHLN AHFNENLF AH AHONLFAHP AHJAOAJKGML. The second example takes a verse from Spenser with the old spelling to add to the difficulties: UJTI SI DE IXDDYF NXFWY ANAE AWL NAIUYL UJTI SI DE JAFTYIU JAIUYWYL AGO UX FAUJY UJY YAFY UJAU GTLLYL HASFY SI GTFWU AWL'GCAIUYL AWL ACC DE JXVYL KASWY SI UTFWYL UX IMAUJY XH ACC UJY IYYLY UJAU SW DE EXTUJ NAI IXNWY NAI WXTK.JU GTU GFABYI AWL GFADGCYI UX GY DXNWY

The answers to last week’s cryptograms are:

(a) Undoubtedly night lights turn our avenues into near rainbows with their varied hues. (b) Four hundred years is a breath, A thousand years is a day, Still men fear Messer Death Since Francis went that way. Yet still the sparrows keep Their tryst with verities, The years are but a sweep Of street-dust in their eyes! Give us, then, world without end And Messer Death, our friend! —By Dorothy Bennett.