SHAUN'S PATCH

Southland Times, Issue 20207, 18 June 1927, Page 13 (Supplement)

SHAUN'S PATCH

Will Pirates beat Star? If so it will jar Pete Donnelly, Ike And likewise Jack Doig; But if Pirates go down There’ll be groans in the town And Gumbley Will dumbley Plunge into the Puni, And then very soon he Will be joined by the rest of the Blacks coaching board. * * * * In dairy matters it is obvious that the lorn’s hot. 1 THE FARMER’S SMILE. I met a farmer yesterday And he was looking blithe and gay, As if all care had flown away. I said to him: “Oh farmer bold, Why aren’t you sad as I've been told You are beneath the strangle-hold Of mortgages and prices low, Of dairy schemes that will not go, And politicians who will show That fellows on the other side Betrayed, deceived you, gaily lied / So that your fondest projects died?” He looked at me and lightly smiled: “These things you say should make me riled, But then I’m not a little child. Though people wring their hands and moan, And say we want a cheaper loan, New Governments and in that tone Display their lack of common sense, I think: Well, if it was a mess And times are full of toil and stress What help can come from rolling tears, From curses or from panic fears From which the vessel wilder steers? I do not hold my troubles light, I don’t deny that money’s tight But I’m convinced ’twill* come out right Because one fact I understand— The way to safety I command While I stick to my bit of land. And though they tell me things are black I plod along my appointed track, My trouble within my pack, And smile, though maybe feeling sore, Because, my friend, I see before A Carnival to waken Gore. I’ve toiled the heavy seasons through, Done all the work that I could do And tried a little extra, too; So now all that I could do is done, I think of ev’ry mother’s son I’ve won the right to have some fun. Say that I’m daft, or getting dafter; But I will have my spell of laughter And be a better man hereafter.” MINE OWN PEPYS. SATURDAY, June 11. —On waking this day to perceive the tip of my nose rosy as if from the indigestion or frost, but monstrous cold, so that I do fear for a moment if it still belongeth as a part of me. Thereupon to decide until this doubt resolved to mine own satisfaction to remain abed, but to cover my nose the meantime by plunging myself deeper beneath the bedclothes. Later to wake with the clocks chiming and noon at hand. This is a most wondrous thing and to be set down in my diary as- like unto a total eclipse so rare it is, but most pleasant withal. On rising to my bath, but the water but moderate warm, and this due doubtless to my late rising, the which to prove there is a fly in every unguent. Thence to my mid-day meal and on to the Rugby Park whereat the Star and Blues to joust most earnestly and to the satisfaction of many citizens. To note that Jack Gilbertson’s face to move from angles in the first spell to curves in the second, and he very restless, moving from one place to another until it is assured that the Star team will be victorious. My attention also drawn to dark and anxious whispering among . the chiefs of the buccaneers who to watch the match with keen interest. In the evening to a hall that I may' watch many Little Southlanders rehearse plays against their performance this week, and impressed by the occasion and the cleverness which doth devise these things, particularly from so youthful a band; this to make me marvel the adult playwrights do not •appear in Southland now the young ones hath shown the way. And so to bed with a greater admiration than formerly for this province, and a deep content within myself. MONDAY, June 13. —Up betimes and in the city to learn there hath been many secretive meetings, the which to plan and prepare for a mighty fine amateur operatic performance of “The Geisha,” a pretty conceit having to do with the Nipponese and certain naval officers, with much charming musick as I do recall from mine own salad days. Speaking with a most important business man, he to inform me he hath heard there do be divers persons of good standing seeking to place me on the Dairy Board and the opportunity offering, but to reply I to have so delicate

a constitution it were impossible that I may withstand the strain of the discussions on its doings, the which do seem to be longer and more acrimonious than that concerning the combat between Jonah and a certain whale, though it to seem to me the most difficult point in connection therewith to be associated with the digestion. By a coincidence later to meet with one of the debaters of Jonah’s journey and he to begin an argument with me, but to declare unto him in most solemn mien that assuredly I will agree with him an he say what he will. This to appear the wisest course for one who would pursue a peaceful way in these times. THURSDAY, June 14.—Abroad early and to hear that there is living with us a certain man of large ways, and most interested in sport who hath learned that generous manners may at times prove expensive. The manner of this to be that x often he hath been in the habit of using the car of a friend who is an experienced motorist, and to acquit him of the expense to say he will pay for the filling of the car’s petrol tank. It to happen that on a day in Dunedin he to comfort himself as usual, and the friend, with a car of his own designing to attend at the bowser, where it is learned the petrol tank hath been built to a large size and to require over twenty-five gallons for its filling—this to the expense of the generous one, who forthwith to swear this to be worse than the Aberdonian's second pipe. On my inquiring what manner of pipe thia to be, he saith in Aberdeen when one would borrow a pipe-fill of tobacco he to exhibit a pipe so incrusted that a pencil may not be inserted, but when the tobacco pouch is handed over, ho to discover this first pipe blocked and to produce the second with a bowl larger than Harry Lauder’s head. To note these matters and to be warned thereby for mine own benefit. WEDNESDAY, June 15.—Lay late this day A in that I do dream of my garden in sunny weather and the effect of this to be that I do remain in the arms of Morpheus, or whatever god it is doth nurse us in slumbers, my remembrances of the classics do be most fickle since my days at school. This not to trouble me overmuch unless fate to throw me in company with those who do see in a knowledge of the pagan gods evidence of culture where intimacy with , things of our own time do be counted as signs of coarser intellect. Much interest caused, however, in this sleep and my first impulse to write to one Doctor Freud who hath a great understanding of dreams that he may understand how this vision of my garden on a fine day, though we be in the depth of winter, did assuredly induce my late sleeping. On rising to my bath and behold such odours as did offend my nose more than anything known since my visit to the glue factory. On investigation to disclose I have sprinkled not the bath salts in the water, but the contents of my box of powdered gum. Badly shaken by this narrow escape from a sticky fate, I to the city resolved I will of a certainty avoid all bath condiments in the future. THURSDAY, June 16.—Up early and in the young hours to the golf links where I did play, acquitting myself indifferent well, but later on examining my game to realise that undoubtedly my style cramped. This due to the news of holes in one and the penalties therefor. My consideration of these matters to bring me to a resolution that of a surety I will play only in the small hours or with trustworthy men who may be sworn to secrecy without much expense, not to divulge the facts of such costly feats. At the same time to feel with this sword of Damocles above my head my game will lx? stilted at all holes of less than 250 yards. On my speaking with an expert on these matters he to congratijlate me on my preparedness, and to advise it were well to dismiss all fears from my mind since it do be fairly certain that no report of my playing a hole in one will leak out and if this should twere most improbable to be believed. This counsel to sound most peculiar in mine ears, and to strike as a sword with a doubleedging. FRIDAY, June 17.—Abroad and to the city , there to hear many groans from stout men saying they have dallied about the booking of seats for the Little Southlanders’ night and now to fear to go to their homes whereat their families infuriated by the disappointment may tear them limb from limb. This a mighty serious business, but though' I to offer the Chief as interceder these men to remain without comfort, declaring many homes will be separated. Thereupon to elect to visit the playhouse and on going to be astonished by the splendour of the audience and the cleverness of the children of the province, who have so wrought as to make these plays so beautiful. Much elated also that I do see the authors and they well received with such applause as I have not heard these many years at our theatrical performance. All these things to please me mightily, and so to bed at a late hour and in great content, until at the last moment, 1 to think on the Star-Pirates elfish of the morrow and to select the victor, but on hearing that there hath been wagering on the issue to keep my decision to myself.