SHAUN'S PATCH

Southland Times, Issue 20044, 4 December 1926, Page 13 (Supplement)

SHAUN'S PATCH

To-day as you give For the great public good, You know by your act That you buy gratitude. » • • • Jazz: Footnotes to music. Looking at the gentleman pictured in “Romola,” it dawned on me that ladders must have been more unpopular then than they are now. • « • • I suppose the powers assure the Chinese that concession is good for the sole—owner. In Britain they strike over time. In Australia they strike over overtime. In New’ Zealand they strike any old time. • • ♦ • I hear that the well sinker has struck water in Invercargill. I suppose we speak of striking water because water works. TOMBSTONE JINGLES, Here lies Tom Stoke. He left his body when He told a “new” joke which began: “There were two Irishmen” When the adoption of a proposal in a local body is cut and dried most of the people say “Hay” and the Noes are beaten. QUESTIONS IN ENGLISH. Correct these sentences: The Southland County voted the money without objection. “You are not out of order, Councillor Miller,” said the Mayor. Said the motor salesman: ‘This car won’t do more than ten miles to the gallon.” Referring to Mr Coates, the Liberal newspaper said he had acted wisely and was deserving of praise. The Union decided that it would be wrong to call a strike. “This car of mine” said the motorist, “is not the best on the market at the price.” Some people in Rumania are sounding the praises of the ex-Crown Prince. They, of course are the Carol singers. ANANIASGRAMS. Once upon a time there was a driver concerned in a motor collision who admitted he was to blame. . • • • • It is said that there are some things better left unsaid, but they are the things worth hearing. • ♦ * ♦ MINE OWN PEPYS. SATURDAY, November 27.—Up early thia day and the rain to fall so that I am indeed protected and may not be employed in the labours of the great out-of-doors. Thereupon to speak with Mrs Shaun anent the pleasure of horticulture and also concerning the fruitfulness of toil that hath behind it the impetus of true affection. Then with such skill as did surprise even myself, to dwell upon the moods which do assail all ardent spirits and it were well if proper work be done to take up the tasks only when the affection therefore is at the full. She to compliment me on the vigour of mine arguments and the worth of the economics, but adding it were well for the interior of man that housewives did not so wait in the preparing of meals. Upon this to suspect that she hath not been so impressed by mine artifice as I did wish. This most disappointing and to diminish mine aplomb, but to disguise my discomfiture with skill. Later to inveigh against the weather, defying the Southland League in my wrath, in that these boisterous hours do mean there may be no bowls. My daughter to sympathise in mine affliction and to invite me to a game of hopscotch, the which I essay and to acquit myself as is usual with such effect and grace as to win the championship of mine own house and thereupon to dream of further fields to conquer. This day devoted to the anniversary of my daughter’s natal day and such an eating as I have never seen since I did celebrate mine own sixth birthday, but what the result will be the Lord alone knoweth. In the evening to enjoy myself mightily in a discussion on the musicks of the times and many new samples of the modern writings to bring gladness to us. This to a late hour and then to bed, praying, as is not always my wont, for the approach of fine weather on the morrow. MONDAY, November 29.—0 n wakening this day much thought given to vagaries of the weather and the fact that despite much rain in the city we to venture forth to the west and there to discover sunshine in abundance and this mine experience on many days, so that I to perceive in this some merit in country dwelling not usually mentioned in the epistles of those who do write to editors on the economicks of the day. This day to the city and there to be hailed into a secret corner by one who to pour into my ear tidings concerning the travels of our fellow townsman Baxter, but lately returned. He to have imparted that in Australia while looking at a flower he mighty astonied to see a snake. This being told to cause a mighty laugh in that his interest in Liquor to encourage the use of this incident as evidence of a mighty fall. This confirmed in some ways in that on the ship wherein he did travel he to improve the times by a lecture on prohibition and at the close to find

his hat lost. Next day it to be publickly announced that the man Baxter may regain his hat on application to the bar. A mighty laugh against him in this and my friend Baxter to join in right merrily., TUESDAY, November 30.-—Up betimes but under a great depression, and this in no way improved as my way to the city to lead past much excavations the which to convince me we do make progress and to grow more like unto that wicked city of London each day. This evil to befall me in that I do break my glasses, the fifth time I have put them out of action. Thereupon to my optician and he to put me through so much reading and looking lines but all his efforts to catch me picking out the wrong lines fruitless and this I do account to mine own skill. Then he in mighty winning tones to declare I shall be attired in new spectacles and to be a better man in every way for this change. This to lift the depression somewhat and I to pray the goggles may suit my peculiar style of beauty and give the impression 1 have reduced my girth, though what Mrs Shaun will say to these frivolities 1 know not. WEDNESDAY, December 1. To the city this day and great doings reported the which do reveal that the peace between the two great Scottischmen of the city to be endangered. The manner of the adventure that the Chief hath to Gore and there to lecture those good people on St. Andrew, and he mighty eloquent on this subject, though whether it be to encourage a regard for the saint or to enlarge the membership of the society and eke its funds I know not. While there he to have presented to him Pipe-Major Foubister who hath been one of the gallant Seaforth Highlanders of Fort George, Scotland. This worthy man, who both blow bravely on the pipes and to win the Chief’s heart thereby, to instruct him in the new way to fold the plaid and the Chief so bucked he to wear it thus all night, and to swear he will compel the Mackintosh to do likewise at his behest, also to be restrained with difficulty from making the Pipe-Major an honorary life member of the society and thus to lose his fees. The Chief in high fettle and to astonish the audience and a new singer in “Passing By” by the felicity of his accompaniments. It hath been reported the visit to so cement friendships there do now be hope that Gore and Invercargill may swear an alliance. In the evening to the playhouse and there a mighty fine picture, yclept, Romola, on the novel by George Eliot, and enjoyable in every moment.

THURSDAY, December 2.- -Up bet rmes and to hear from the outer world a challenge to myself for a jousting at bowls, there being a plot afoot that my record may be brought to disaster through mine enforced absence from play and the use of temporary spectacles which to fit me but ill. But to accept the challenge and there to battle with a tavern keeper as my partner against two chirurgeons, and by my skill as skip to overthrow the foe and a great victory won the which did bring me acclaim from all sides. Then to return to the bosom of my family in glory. Some time later a message from the telephone that there hath been a most scroundally attempt to incinerate my bowls and the arsonical foe to circulate the story I did do these that I may collect the insurance, I having but that day paid my premium. In hot haste to the pavilion, where I did learn that so great be the regard for me, full twenty of the best noses in the club do sniff most furiously to detect the seat of the conflagration and to brave the risk of handling water without spirits attached to suppress this blaze. Straightway to speak with the sergeant of the law and to persuade that he to watch closely the anticks of mine enemies in play in that it do be clear this is an attempt to affect my play by the destruction of my bowls the which do fit my hand so well, but the loyalty of my fellows, and their regard that the meeting upstairs may not be disturbed to save me. This day musicks of a wearing kind to announce the arrival of a merry-go-round, but much satisfaction in that the musick be softer and the tunes different from what were given to us in endless succession last year.

FRIDAY, December 3. —This day excellent news in that the butter prices in the Old Country hath risen, but much concern by the wheat-growers who last year did scorn fixed prices, and seek the world parity, but who now do seek protection that prices may be maintained. This a most strange business, but not like to lead to any reduction in the price of bread. News from tHb bowl expert that my bowls do be unharmed and the efforts of mine enemies fruitless. This day, too, my new goggles ready so that an the weather hold good I shall undoubtedly display again my skill as heretofore and impress upon my foes the might of my prowess. To-morrow being the Collection Saturday to decide that I shall in all ways assist in the raising of funds for these laudable and provincial objects, by urging others to contribute most liberally. And so to bed in great content after a week in which I have acquitted myself most worthily despite heavy odds.