Shaun’s Patch,

Southland Times, Issue 18927, 28 April 1923, Page 9

Shaun’s Patch,

“A Little Nonsense Now and Then.”—Hudibras.

Mr Bain intrudes! I wonder if the elected councillors included the author of the first prize mixed metaphor of the contest: “In order to avoid hurting anyone's corns, I will close my mouth.” This man expected someone to pvt his foot into it. A week or so ago Dunedin was crowing about its light rainfall! If somebody was praying for rain in North Otago, it would appear that the responsive cargo was overcarried. I hope you’ll not think I’m a prowler, Or even an unbending growler; But from the election The finri disaffection I note of the int'resting Fowler. The first bid for Prohibition was the fact that Eve knew no trouble in Eden until the apple was in cider. Propaganda: An awkward argument put forward by an opponent. Of course, Mr Bain had all the advantage of the handicapping in the Mayoral race. Mr Lennie’s friends at the outset loaded him with a pact, though not concrete, weighed heavily. In fact one might well say: Pact out! * it- « ♦ * ' Better conditions coming municipally The Glass is rising. If Councillor Tarrant takes to a literary career his first book will be an Indiscreet Letter Writer. Some chapters in it will probably be: Letter to a Rugby Union about paying for a new Grandstand. Letter to a Friend offering to repay a loan. Letter to a Lady proposing marriage. Letter to a Lady breaking an engagement. Letter to anyone in South Invercargill on selling debentures. Letter to a Liberal on the growth of surpluses. Letter to Mr Bowmar conveying Thursday’s results. Letter to a person called William on the Great Majority in politics. By the way; I am all agog to hear Councillor Farrant read the reply to his redtaped letter to the Minister of Health. Talking about cool stores, is it all bluff? From a southern school comes a good story. The teacher was busily engaged with a class in English and had written on the blackboard this sentence to be corrected: “Them tarts are very nice.” One little gentleman in the class shot up his hand and remedied the mistake with Them gills are very nice. « • « • • The brightest feature about last Saturday's football match—there was only one—was that each side was sure the other had al! lhe luck of the game. And that is so unusual in football! * • ♦ * » Frivolity: Brightness in one's own wife. Brightness: Frivolity iir someone rise’s wife. « » ♦ * * * MINE OWN PEPYS. April 21—Up betimes and to the garden toiling. I decide that a new spade will make the digging brighter. Dinner past, I to Rugby Park with Mrs Shaun, there to see the Stars victorious to the disgruntling of many. April 23—1 inspect spades in the bazaars and finally purchase a bright beauty, though my wife saith ’twill soon rust with lack of use. Peradventure she may be right —she often is. There be rc|X)rts of storms and rains and floods in the north—’tis sweet to read of them in the north. April 24—Last rounds in Election contests. I'io the garden and did use my new spade assiduously as a trenching tool. I am a better trencherman than trencher. In the newsprints there is much excitement concerning the Royal Wedding. April 25—To Anza? Day observances and meals. A quiet day for remembrances. April 26—Abroad and to the polling place, there to declare my views. Nearly fell in to the Tepid Baths owing to the voting rules. At eventide to the results and there lo find I had picked all the winners, a happy day, though I had hoped Sir Farrant would read his reply from the Minister of Health anent milk supplies. April 27—Early to work with quips and jests, also to my stint with my diary. I note the advice to stick to generalities . when technical details are difficult, but decide that it leads to defeat and sorrow.. People ask when will the holiday change and I hope that the example of last season will be followed. To-morrow must I wrestle with that bright spade, i

WARNING. I give notice to kind inquirers that I will .not say that Mr Lennie will now say that • Bainful influence kept him out of high office, and I will not reply that the Mayoralty is becoming a Banality. • • • • • One R. M. Strang was in his element on Thursday. In two of ’em in fact: Fire and Water. • • • • • AN OUTER. Matilda Jones who lived next door Completely caught my heart, Fair Cupid, though his aim was pc Did wound me with his dart; For years Matilda .J and I In happiness did live; Mistrust did never squint an eyt • A quarrel could not live. But sundered now we happy Our home is rent in twain I deck my noble •brows with rue, My tears still epurse like rain. ’Twas all because one fateful day At meal-time I did moan—- “ The chop is almost cooked away, ’Tis gristle and some bone.” ’Straight way Matilda found her feel And angrily she said: “Think less of food, my hueband sweet, And more of me instead. When Cupid loosed his little dart His aim was shaken some, For, dear, he must have missed your heart And struck you in the turn* I do appeal to all ye swain: Could love stand such a slight! Our home is busted, and in pain I roam, a wretched wight. Take heed from this my fate so strange • Ensure that Daniel C. Spends more time out upon the range T improve his archery. THE ADVENTURES OF PHILEMON. Dud Dropping. I often muse when I’ve nought else to do How man is prone to make a bob or two By fair means or by foul, if but he get The chance, without his tumbling in the • wet. We all will play on Man's cupidity, Or else make use of his stupidity, And find he’ll not, though sad ’lit to relate, Neglect a chance to beat the dear old State. Well knowing this, O Boss, I did essay. To while the hours and make a little hay, By into houses of the cute ones |>opping, The noble art that’s known well as Ihid Dropping. To do this you’ve carefully to stroll Through knowing doors with breeiy, seagirt roll, Attired in a double-breasted coat, With oaths suggestive of an ocean boat. Once in the room take goodly care to be Well primed with hints of utmost secrecy, And have it known, with words do careful juggling, That you are busy with a little smuggling. From underneath your coat then you reveal Some Fox’s serge, that’s good to sight and feel, And tell your prey the suit length is a beauty, Dirt, cheap because you haven’t paid the duty. He'll look at it and grab the clobber slick— You’ll never miss him if you w’ork it quick— And with the utmost, joy will promptly pay Ten bob a yard and h p lp J’ ou on y°ur way, Quite satisfied to take the blessed lot Because some smuggled stuff ’tis cheaply got. To make it safe you bid him hold it tight And keep his bargain hidden w’ell from sight Until your boat has moved away from port For if ’twas seen you surely would be caught, And those who had the smuggled serg® would be Compelled to give it up and pay as welL Then he Will mention e'er away from him you wend The name and number of a careful friend Who'd take some stuff if he could see it, too. w You take his coin and say your fond adieu. Of course, you never need your victim tell The stuff like Fox’s serge you have to sell At half a sovereign, is a shoddy line Bought from a warehouse for say one and nine, Which when its made will shrink and run away, Ixise all its colour and curl up and stay Just like a rag. These coves don't do much shopping And always fall like leaves for clobber dropping' , , This is important, though the point is small: The cutest are the easiest to fall And well we know when we have caught ’em bending No SOS. to D’s will they be sending. So in dud dropping mind this wisest saw: Just keep your eye fixed closely on the law'.