Shaun’s Patch.

Southland Times, Issue 19591, 12 August 1922, Page 15

Shaun’s Patch.

4 Little Nonsense Now and 1 hen —Hudibras. Did the Pirates see Stars? If the gate receipts are all right to-day, [ suppose the energetic secretary of the S.R.U. will say that they are some Comptonsation for his labours. According to the people who say they know all about the hidden things of modern diplomacy, the awkward thing ' about these conferences between the Allies is that someone is always throwing oil on the troubled waters. Could a man who stole a motor hearse be said to be going for a joyride ? Only if he took his ma-iu-law with him. It must give the prohibition agents a , nasty twinge in the Dehydrated Stat?s every time they read “soused salmon” on Ihe menus. So comes the day of trial round to us On wings of light, when gone is all the fuss Unlimited, essential it would seem To that great work, the picking of a team Hurled now into the field of play they soon Like other wearers of the proud maroon Alive to the occasion will display Nerve and power in the coming fray, Doing what they can to win the day. And though the critics rail about the men. Now unselected, they’ll not worry when Down the field the fierce forwards charge. Can anyone then pause just to enlarge About the claims of this great player who. Not in the team, might now have bustled through? Tis- never done! When once the play begins Each man forgets the very worst of sins Red though they be, and cheers with all his might Because the province, drawn into the fight, United strives upon the football field. Redolent with memories of the Shield. Yielding nought to make th’ opponent yield. David Wark Griffith is talking about a film history of the world. Out to Outshine the Outline? When a burglar gets caught by fingerprint evidence, I suppose he calls it hard lines. I suppose the only ones pleased about the fall in the value of rabbits are the rabbits. A respite to them will be followed by a-bunny>dance. There has been wild speculation on the bourse in Berlin. There must also be a lot of speculation about the outcome of the London Conference. Indeed, it looks like peace of pieces in Ireland. » * « * A tidal wave Can be quite grave And cause of loss a 10l o, But what a hot And mighty swat It gives a place like Swatow! In American newspapers one sometimes finds information concerning the dangerou" animals of that wonderful country. For instance, I read recently this headline: WILD PARSNIPS KILL FAMILY OF SEVEN If the Eastern District hockey ladies form a separate association as a result of being forbidden to go to the tournament., I suppose they will say they have been bullied off. ***** The best place to see exactly what the British Army is not like is to have a look at an American film dealing with the B.A. I saw one during the week. * * « * » A man in America killed his wife because she would not go to church with him. He seems to have taken his religion seriously. A correspondent who hides under the nom de plume of “Anxious Inquirer,” sends me the following advertisement, accompanied by a letter: S.G.Hb.O.G.A. Members of the above Association Please Note that owing to unforeseen circumstances the Lecture that was to be held on Thursday, August 10, has been Postponed.—V. McFarlane, Hon. Sec. His letter reads as follows: Dear Shaun, What mean these cabalistic letters overhead? I tried them on our milkman (whom I suspect of I.L.P. tendencies) and he prattled: “Should Germany Hold Silesia, or Grant Autonomy?” The Chief of the St. Andrew’s Scottish Society (who, by the way, is suffering from a cold and was not in good form) was next consulted. Without the slightest hesitation he assured me that the letters obviously meant: “Scotland’s grand Highland soldiers overwhelmed Germany’s army.” My sweetheart, who is quite a smart girl expressed them as: “Southland girls, however saucy, own graceful ankles.” A wretch, whom I don’t like said they stand for: "Shaun going home sober often, (note the comma) gets amusing.” Please pick the winner, or offer suggestions; the matter is important.

Unfortunately I cannot award the first prize to any of these elucidations. The mystic letters mean: “Some Get Home Sober, Others Get Away.” Scots Glorify Highland Singing; Others Go Away. * * * * « In his "Irish and Other Memories’’ the Duke de Stacpoole tells this one which may interest Invercargill people at this juncture, especially the Town Council: Turks are in most ways absolutely i unpractical. I wus present in Constantinople once when a fire broke, out, and, after endless delay, the fire brigade arrived on the scene. One would have thought there was now some chance of it being got under. But no. The firemen began to bargain with the occupier and the process of bargaining took so long that by the time terms were arranged everything had been consumed. THE ADVENTURES OF PHILEMON. I Pick a Team. Deeds there are which but the bravest men May dare, and tasks, as you will find out when You have to do them, which the strongest I daunt Because they merely earn abuse and taunt. I here allude to what may simple seem But is most difficult: to pick a team. There had been rows and criticism hot Of what as done and also w'hat had not And thus the Union, always without friend, Soon reached the point where it could not depend On having anyone who would take steps To pick tie fifteen men to form the reps. In their despair their glances fell upon The form of your old hero, Philemon. “Here” said the heads, “is one who never quails Who fills up breaches and who never fails, Whose knowledge of the game all men will state Is such that of it there’s no estimate. To his brave hand, if not unto his head We’ll see this awkward job deposited.” Did I refuse? Ah, no. I’d not decline To help the Union especially when I pine To show my judgment and some power wield About the muddied sward, the football field. I took the job and went up to a loft One liquid Sunday. There I puzzled oft On this and likewise on that combination Until I found to mine own consternation How close akin it was to permutation. Here was a centre who should surely be Among the backs, but had he not to me Said nasty words and cast some chilly doubt Upon my skill, in fact said that about I This game I nothing knew? There was a half Who had a really irritating laugh And then a forward with a taste in ties Offensive, sirs, to my artistic eyes. Could these go in? You need not pause to tell Your answer, for I know, sirs, just as well As I do know myself, that you will give An answer in a sturdy negative. What could I do? The time was getting short And 1 was still a long way from my port. I puzzled long but always some objection Resulted in some candidate’s rejection. Until I found that- ev’ry name I scanned For some sufficient reason I had banned. At hist a wave of light upon my problem i broke And I my task achieved in one fell stroke. I got the names of all the men I knew And folded in my hat the lot 1 threw. Then from the mixture fifteen of ’em drew. These were the team. And please let. me explain That when I’d made them public, a fierce, strain Of criticism flooded all the press. But soon 1 found ’twas neither more nor less Than that same flood which eagerly will lurk And spring, when experts have to do the work.