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Southland Times, Issue 3926, 21 January 1881, Page 3

Ah old f armer'si ;wif eT who had "a servant tbat was notorious for breaking dishes on .one occasion fell asleep in church. During her slumbers her elbow unluckily overturned, a ; Bible r ,when tp. : the aro^e^^t-of her fellpwworsbfppers, sh&was hear&st6?imutter in a very audible voice—' Anither bowl, yehissie* ■iA] K fi i }'fl<T'o-- if' i '■ A well-Tiriown {fefltleriran came home, in „- rather a bowcomeyouso condition the other " night, and, in reply to his wife's remonstrances.'explained thi the hi d been attending 'to-the meeting '.of..,^Tthlg.^ard campaign-club. 'But how ckYiie all thai; mud bn the shoulder of your coat ?' she inquired, sternly, « Oh,' -he answered, meekly,. 'l've been putting ;my shoulder to the wheel,' and this concluded the hostilities fortbeinightJ : - L . T''lSffi'''Pa!ftffigtdniti"lll-Heal£h.^,La me !' sighed Mrs- Parting! on, {. There have ' T' been siufferin' the bpganjies 7 of ; death for three mortal weeksy-'Fuslt I was seized : with a pairifuiphrfeholpgy in the left hampshire of tlie bratin, which-was^ceedeA by a stoppage oi'the'iHf^yei^MotTpfthe fi&rt/' 'This gave, me an inflamhiia.tion In. the borax, and how Ir a sick with ChTchTorof dr m morbus. There s no blessing like flmt of health, particularly Vhehyoi^esiclLf . -" / I * yjZ.i,y&.£, i &&Akjry£&As.i -, i\ i . ■■ Chills.— Probably the .worsr blunder ever made by { th/j- .tei e grap^jfcw^ one tbatjoccurred c in thef "'cas^'bf ' l & my Louis merchant,: whpvyfhileiu.Ne^^^/icceiyedatelegi^im | informing him- that fiisnyifewasill. He sent - a message to-;his family^docfor,, asking khe riktfirebfl'the sicknesfX'atfd^if (thef e/was any danger, apd- received, promptly the answer — 'NO danger. Your wife hasThad a child, jlf we can keep her from having another tto- * night, she will do wel' .' The mystification of the agitated husband was not removed until a second inquiry revealed the fact that jhis indif-postd lady had had a * chill.' ' There is a good story told of the Pr.esi dent,' says the Washingtan Star, * in connection with the recent appointments made to -fijlTacanciesinthe-United States^- army. > A gentleman whpis distinguished ;in social life was extremely anxious to have "the s&| of a warm, friend designated for one of the vacancies. ;He called upon the President atfd made ' known his revest. ''You see, 1 Mr ' President,' said he, in advocating th 6 young man'fe el'awns, '• his' father is' a digtingiiished'ex-arniy'officer. HisTgfeafcgrandfatber -was' n 1 gallant "Sbldier of,th6,aruiy,«nd his great-great-grandfatW -was iu^offieer in the navy durihgjtheJKeyolutionary/T\Var.', v These' points .wereVpre&ed with force upon the attentioh'of The I*r&ldent. All of a sudden the President said'S'* And this young maYs ' father, great-grandfatner, and even a more~remote grandfather haye 1 all been officers^of Hbe^Dnited States V « YJes,' came the reply. ' Well,Trepliecl the President with, a merry chuckle,' 'don't you think it about time that someone ''n thai fanailyearped Utttlia|*f» Jjimsqlfl* ..... t - " "

Wash fok »^JJm^ched Fack.—Ro-e---water, three auttces? sulphate of zinc, one diam. Mix. Wet the face with it. gently dry it, and then touch it over with cold cream, which also Gently dry off. Lip Salve.— Take oil of almonds, thr£e ounce ; spermaceti, one ounce: virgin lice, half au ounce. Melt these together over ja slow fire, mixing them with a little powder of alkanet root to color it. Keep stirring till cold, and then add a few drops of the oil of ihodium. -