WHITE HATS.

Southland Times, Volume I, Issue 61, 20 October 1864, Page 5

WHITE HATS.

An Indian potentate, not unknown to story, was in the habit of taking a moan and ungenerouu rereuge upon those of his enemies whom he \iaxticularly disliked. He used simply to preaent them with an elephant. The gift was like Hector's gifttoAjai. It irrevocably wrought their social and moral ruin, and led to the downfall of their entire house. In the first place, an elephant of character eats more than several wild beasts together, being an animal of a homely disposition, and consequently of a large appetite. In the second place, he works irreparable mischief in trampling down the plantations of the neighbour*, and in exasperating their temper. But last — not least — comes a more serious drawback. It is extremely difficult to lire up to an elephant. Pobsessing an elephant is like being a member for a large borough: it involves you in all kinds of expenses, and poisons your mind with the fatal determination to make a social splash. The owner of an elephant conld not consistently adopt a retiring and secluded life. He was Jiurried into society, he was led from extravagance to extravagance, till in the end he was brought slowly, but certainly to bankruptcy. In Oriental clime», bankruptcy is not what it is in England— the sure prognostic of a successful commercial career. Bankruptcy in India is social disaster and calamity ; and the elephant's master knew, -when it was too late, what an awful task he had taken upon him in trying to live up to so splendid a beast. It may, perhaps, he safely asserted, that a white hat is to an Englishman only what a white elephant might hare been to the Bengalee. It is no* everybody who can afford to buy a white hat. I The difficulty is not the price of the hat, in itself, but what it leads to, and where it may be destined by Providence to end. In these days of vicissitude, it is well to look the matter fairly in the face. Those who are about to purchase ' white hats ought at least to do bo with their minds prepared for the worst, and with their eyes' open. Upon the • whole, it appears tolerably certain that it takes — with the strictest economy — as much to keep a white hat, as to keep a couple of hunteri in the country, and an opera box in the season. •■ Matrimony itself is a. scarcely less", formidable investment. Marriage ia a lottery,, . A fife of »

fer a._domeatic_exis_tence.;.,but the.u.n.happyjman who has consented, to lead, a white, hat to the hymenealaltar cannot nide himself under a bushel. A hat is. not. .a. lottery, and its evils axe tolerably inevitable^ In the: first .place, iFiny.olves the 'necessity of- 'an eye-gkss^s'ome white' Hats, indeed, can only be . worn. Svitli a moustach 6 ; „ yet it is' nearly as hard to livoup to a moustache as to live , ; up to awhite hat itself. In the .second''place its necessitates a social tone and an.aggressive;bearing towards the rest of society which cannot v b? supported Without a corresponding expenditure. : Of course it is easy to do the thing meanly ; ! but the consequence of this is contempt and disgrace three times as considerable as if one ; had never ventured 1 on ithe first unfortuate : attempt at ostentation. It is very easy to conceive how it all works by conjuring up a. fancy picture of some daring traveller with a' straw ;hat upon the kriifeboard of an omnibus. ■ Nobody has probably seen a -white hat in so, degraded a.position. A man of feeling and'bf delicacy would Hesitate" before assuming the responsibility of being tiie aefcor in any J suchscene* ■ The _ immediate effect of, doing so would be to expose himself to .the derision of hia fellowcreatures, who would not scruple t6 tell him/ that if indeed he was the possessor of a white hat,:he ; ought to have : behaved _ himsalf : accordingly. It is therefore clear that niggardliness and unfashionable Tustibity)'- under : similiar j circumstances, ( would be both indecent and intolerable, and that; England expects every man with a v white hat to do his duty. 'Whether or no a' white hat is oven compatible 1 with anything like strict devotion to ay profession or to a calling may be questionable in, the extreme. A man cannot serve two masters; He cannot unite the mode of life of a young nobleman to the sedentary pursuits of a: lawyer or ; a merchant. . How can he possibly work for his livelihood, arid frequent the .clubs, the rac«s, and the parks ? To; have a white hat and not to wear it, would-be to rest unburnished and not to shine in use ; nor is"ah ; experisive tailor by any means' the most costly consequence which it entails. A : white hat require* to be aired regularly in the,, middle of the day. It is fond of wMtobait, and it delights in dry champagne. It eats its head off* periodically at Greenwich. Its bright homo. is frequently the Star and Garter. If it has any selfrespect, it -cannot afford to 'neglect Ascot or the Oaks. It is, therefore, a solemn source of anxiety , to the partner of its choico ; and if matrimonial felicity has its cloud, it must be confessed 'that bachelor existence has its expenses , and its cares. ■ The most melancholy consideration connected with the' subject of ' a white hat is'that it 1 never changes, and that ho reibrzn is possible yrhen once it is launched upon its way. Nobody erer has heard of a white hat cutting down its expensesand retiring into private life Where do white hats go : to when their career of dissipation is over ? The answer to the problem is unknown. Their career of dissipation in all human probability, never ends. Like the elephant, they may change owners, but they are ruinous to all in succession to the last. When white hats have irretrievably injured thff temporal welfare of their earliest possessors, we may trace them for a little distance, andaee them, like the upas tree, poisoning all around them. The white hat, indeed, has its conventional stages, like human life, through which it passes, withering and blighting the financial prospects of all across whose path it is thrown. First, there is th« early purchaser— young, handsome, joyous. The white hat takes him to the Derby, and the Derby, perhaps, takes him to the Jews. When the prime of its first youth is over, the white hat next passes into the hands of tho driver of the Hansom cab. It is a sad thought, that it never seema to bring him a blessing. Frequenters of the metropolis known by sad experience the tone and disposition, of the " white-hatted " Hansom driver. Ho is of a worldly, blase, and exorbitant disposition. He loiters about fashionable thoroughfares. Living, doubtlessly, beyond bin means, he cannot afford to drive anywhere for less than half-a-crown. From the Hansom the white hat falls in succession to the possession of the " four-wheeler," then it sinks to the crossing-sweeper, and last of all it degenerates to the Irish beggar. In all, it connotes or creates a dreadful tendency towards jaunty disposition. It is as perfectly certainthat acrossingsweeper with a white hat has been a sporting character in his day, and that an Irish beggar with a white hat knows something about thimblerig. It is not that tho white hat in its nature ib yicious : it is only that, like tho elephant, it is difficult to live up to such an ornament ; that it is dashing, speculative, and extravagant. Nor is this character drawn from imagination. Who has ever seen a miser wear a white hat, unless, indeed, it be to blind society to his faults ? He cannot do it. It is repugnant to his temperament ; for, though white hats are understood to be. as cheap at the outset, in the event theyjare fifty times dearer than their rival black. They are light; they are airy, and they are comfortable ; but they seen to have an awful tendency to undermine the human character. It is tho duty of every honest man to pray to be preserved from the temptation of buying them. They seem to be the first downward Btop in moral and economical decline. A man who once hesitates is lost ; and it is to be hoped that all who earnestly wish to keep within their income will hurry past tho seductive localities where dange r lurks in the shop-windows without a fatal glance to right or left, The philosopher has insured himiolf against one of life's greatest perils who ha« steadily reßolved to stick to the conventional colour. The black hat may be hot, it may be ugly, but, at least, it is not bound up with the prospect of financial ruin. — London Beviete.