THE PHILOSOPHY OF BIRTH DAYS.

Southland Times, Volume 2, Issue 96, 2 October 1863, Page 6 (Supplement)

THE PHILOSOPHY OF BIRTH DAYS.

_[. BY -CHARLES -DICKENS.

■ (From All the Year Round for June.) I It came wto my mind that I would teal in these notes a few of the many lostelries I have rested at in the course ■my journeys ; and, indeed, I had Ween up my pen fot the purpose, when I was baffled by an accidental circum- j lance. It was the having to leave off, (wish the owner of a certain bright Ice that looked in at my door, '« many Kppy returns of the day," Thereupon J new thought came into my mind, living its predecessor out, and I began I recal— instead of Inns— the birth-' Hys that I have put up at, on my way [this present sheet of paper. ■I can very well remember being Ken out to visit some peach-faced ftature in a blue sash, and shoes to Brrespond, whose life I supposed to Hsist entirely of birthdays. Upon Hd-cake, sweet wine, and shining Esents, that glorified young person Hmed to me to be exclusively reared. I so early a stage of my travels did I Hist at the anniversary of her nativity Hid become enamoured of her), that I Hi not yet acquired the recondite HJwledge that a birthday is the common Hperty of all who are born, but supHed it to be a special gift bestowed by H favoring Heavens on that one disHjuished infant. There was no other Hipany, and we sat in a shady bower Hinder a table, as my better, (or Bse) knowledge leads me to believe — were regaled with saccharine subHices and liquids, until it was time to Ht. A bitter powder was administo me next morning, and I was Bitched. On the whole, a pretty Hurate foreshadowing of my more experiences in such wise ! came the time when, inseparHb from one's own birthday, was a -sense of merit, a -consciousness ■well-earned distinction. When I Harded my birthday as a graceful of my own, a monument perseverance, independence, and Hd sense, redounding greatly to my Hor-. This was at about -the period Olympia Squires became involved anniversary, Olympia was most (of course), and I loved her degree, that I used to be obliged out of my little bed in the expressly to exclaim to Solitude, Olympia Squires !" Visions of clothed entirely in^sage-green, which I infer a defectively edutaste on the part of her respected who were necessarily unacwith the South Kensington Heum, still arise before me. Truth and the visions are crowned . shining white beaver bonnet, imsuggestive of a little feminine My memory presents a birth- ' Olympia and I were taken by relative — some cruel uncle, like — to a slow torture called an The terrible instrument was at the local Theatre, and I had a profane wish in the morning it was a Flay for which a serious had probed my conscience deep, pocket deeper, by reclaiming a half-crown, lt was a venerand a shabby Orrery, at least one stars and twenty-five comets the age. Nevertheless, it awful. When the low-spirited with the wand said, " Ladies gentlemen," (meaning particuOlympia and me), " the lights to be put out, but there the slightest cause for alarm" it very alarming. Then the planets began. Sometimes they come on, sometimes they go off, sometimes they had in them, and mostly they didn't be -good likenesses. All this gentleman with the wand was on in the dark (tapping away at bodies between whiles, wearisome woodpecker), about a revolving on its axis eight hun-ninety-seven t lousand millions — or miles — in two hundred thousand five hundred millions of something until I thought that if this was a it were better never to have born. Olympia, also, became depressed, and we both slumbered cross, and still the gentleman on in the dark — whether up stars, or down on the stage , it have been heard to make out, if been worth trying — cyphering about planes of orbits, to such an extent that -Olympia, stung actuary kicked me. A birthday spectacle when the were turned up again, and all in the town (including the *^Hnal, who had come in for nothing, them right, for they were throwing stones) were discovered countenances, screwing into their eyes, or ciutchheads of hair. A pretty birthwhen Doctor Sleek 'of the bobbed up his powdered head stage-box, and said that before dispersed he really must express his entire approval of a as improving, as informing, as of anything that could call a into the cheek of youth, as any it been his lot to hear delivered. birthday altogether, when couldn't leave poor small Squires and me alone, but must end to our loves! For, we never it; the threadbare Orrery outour mutual tenderness; the man wand was too much for the the bow. shall 1 disconnect the comsmells of oranges, brown paper, from those other birthschool; when the coming r cast its shadow before, and week of social harmony — shall of admiring and affectionate — led up to that Institution ? noble .sentiments were expressed

to me in the days before the hamper, what vows of friendship were sworn to me, what exceedingly old knives were given - me, what generous avowals of having been in tbe wrong emanated from else obstinate spirits once enrolled among my enemies ! The birthday of the potted game and guava jelly, is still made special to me by the noble conduct of Bully Globson. Letters from home had mysteriously inquired whethel I should, be much surprised and disappointed if among the treasures in the coming hamper I discovered potted gime, and guava jelly from the Western xndies. I had mentioned those hints in confidence to a few friends, and had promised to give away, as I now see reason to believe, a hands mi covey of partridges potted, and about a hundredweijiht of guava jelly. It was now that Globson, Bully no more, sought me out in the playground. He was a biff fat boy, with a big fat head and a big fat fist, and at the beginning of that Half had raised such a bump on my forehead that I couldn't get my hat of state on, to go to church. He said that after an interval of cool reflection (four months) he now felt this blow to have been an error of judgment, and that he wished to apologise for the same. Not only that, but, holding down his big head between his two big hands in order that ; I might reach it conveniently, he requested me, as an act of justice which i would appease his awakened conscience, i to raise a retributive bump upon it, in , the presence of witnesses. This handsome proposal I modestly declined, and he then embraced me, and we walked away conversing. We conversedi respecting the West India Islands, and in the pursuit of knowledge he asked me with much interest whether in the course of my reading I had met with any reliable description of the mode o manufacturing guava jelly; or whether I had ever happened to taste that conserve, which he had been given to understand was of rare excellence. Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, and then with the waning months came an ever augmenting sense of the dignity of twenty-one. Heaven knows I had nothing to "come into, - "' save the bare birthday, and yet I esteemed it as a great possession. I now and then paved the way to my state of dignity, by beginning a proposition with the casual words, " say that a man of twenty-one," or by the incidental assumption of a fact that could not sanely be disputed, as, "for when a fellow comes to be a man of twenty-one.'' I gave a party on the occasion. She was there. It is unnecessary to name her, more particularly J she was older than I, and had pervaded every chink and crevice of my mind for three or four years. I had held volumes of imaginary conversations with her mother on the subject of our union, and I had written letters more in number than Horace Walpole's to that discreet woman, soliciting her daughter's'handin marriage. 1 hao never had the remotest intention of sending any cf thoie letters; bnt to write them, and after a few days tear them up, had been a sublime occupation. Sometimes I had begun "Honored Madam. — I think that a lady gifted with those powers of observation which I know you to possess, and endowed with those womanly sympathies with the young and ardent which it were more than heresy to doubt, can scarcely have failed to discover that I love your adorable daughter, deeply, devotedly.'' In less buoyant states of mind I had begun, " Bear with me, Dear Madam, bear with a daring wretch who is about to make a surprising confession to you, wholly unanticipated by yourself, and which he beseeches you to commit to the flames as soon as you have become aware to what a towering height his nad ambition soars." At other times — periods of profound mental depression, when She had gone out to balls where I was not — the draft took the affecting form of a paper to be left on my table after my departure to the confines of the globe. As thus : " For Mrs Onowenever, these lines when the hand that traces them shall be far away, I could not bear the daily torture of hopelessly loving the dear one whom I will not name. Broiling on the coast of Africa, or congealing on the shores of Greenland, I am far far better there than here." (In this sentiment my cooler judgment perceives that the family of the beloved object would have most completely concurred.) "If I ever emerge from obscurity, and my name is ever heralded by Fame, it will be for her dear sake. If I ever amass Gold, it will be to pour it at her feet. Should I on the other hand become the prey of Ravens " I doubt if I ever quite made up my mind what was to be done in that affecting case ; I tried. " then it is better so ; " but not feeling convinced that it would be better so, I vacillated between leaving all else blank, which looked expressive and bleak, or winding up with " Farewell!'' This fictitious correspondence of mine is to blame for the foregoing digression. I was about to pursue the statement that on my twenty-first birthday I gave a party, and She was there. It was a beautiful party. There was not a single animate or inanimate object connected connected with it (except the company and myself) that I had ever seen before. Everything was hiaed, and the mercenaries in attendance were profound strangers to me. Behind a door, in the crumby part of the night when wine-glasses were tobe found in unexpected spots, I spoke to Her — spoke out to Her. What passed, I cannot as a man of honor reveal. She was all angelical gentleness, but a word was mentioned — a short and dreadful word of three letters, beginning with a B— , which, as I remarked at the moment, "scorched my brain." She went away soon afterwards, and when the hollow throng (though to be sure it was no fault of theirs^ rlispprspd. T i<s«\ipr)

forth, with a dissipated- scorner, and, as I mentioned expressly to him, '* sought oblivion.'' It was found, with a dreadful headache in it, bnt it didn't last; for in the shaming light of next day *s noon, I raised my heavy head in bed, looking back to the birthdays behind me, and tracking the circle by which I had got round, after all, to the bitter powder and the wretchedness again. This reactionary powder (taken so largely by the human race that I am inclined to regard it as the Universal Medicine once sought for in laboratories) is capable of being made up in another form for birthday use. Anybody's long-kst brother will do ill to turn up on a birthday. If I had a long-lost brother I should know beforehand that he would prove a tremendous fraternal failure if he appointed to rush into my arms on my birthday. The first Magic Lantern I ever saw, was secretly and eleborately planned to be the great effect of a very juvenile birthday ; but it wouldn't act, and its images were dim. My experience of adult birthday Magic Ltnterns may possibly have been unfortunate, but has certainly been similar.