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Southland Times, Volume 2, Issue 75, 24 July 1863, Page 3

LETTERS FROM LITTLE B KIT AIN. 11 .* THE MAN IX THK MOON. No. VI. The reaction following the recent intense excitement of the late election has caused a general dulness, leaving me few events to chronicle. The chief topic of conversation in town is the mud, which has attained a depth exceeding by four feet eight inches that of the Bog of Allen. A few days ago a horse, dray, and driver slipped off the narrow causeway, which runs up the centre of each street, into the fathomless abyss. Slowlytlieydisappeared ; the driver's cries for help were heart rending, until he vanished from sight ; and so rapidly did the whole concern sink, that although poles and grappling-irons were instantly procured, it was felt (in probing with a pole) nearly seventeen feet below the surface. Grappling irons being attached, a powerful team of 'Ui bullocks succeeded, witli great difficulty, in extricating the driver from liis awful position ; he was coveied with mire to the thickness of two feet, and it required the work of three men with spades for half an hour to clear off the mud f-ufriciently to biin^ him into view. The horse and cart were of course abandoned to their fate. To prevent such accidents for the future, the "Crab-hole Society" have proclaimed the line of fearful morass (on each side of the causeway) "footpaths,'' thus rendering liable to a £o0 tine any quadruped trespassing thereon — or rather its owner.

The next subject of interest is the reform in the "Office for the Detention of Letters and Newspapers." better known by its short mime, the " Slow-Coach Oflice.'' JSow, although by the admirable management of thia office the public always received fully half their letters, and generally a fourth, sometimes even a third of their newspapers, I grieve to say (and it is a deplorable instance of the terribledepravity of human nature) thoy made vexatious and frivolous complaints against the " Slow-Coach; Officials for not delivering all the letters JBnd newspapers, wholly ignoring the fact that in such case they would receive no further remun ration for their trouble than the very inadequate salary allowed by the Government. Of course the complaint was treated with the contempt it deserve!. A petition "was then presented by the clerks for an increase of salary. His Supor-illus-triousness, Dr Fauetus, replied — "Tint tho state of the Little Britain, exchequer was not such as to enable him to grant their prayer; but he had introduced the following new regulation into the ' Slow-Coach Ofiice,' rules for their benefit : — ' That, on arrival of each mail, the officials shall ascertain the number of newspapers directed to eacli individual, and allow him a certain proportion, viz., if a supporter of Government, one in four,-— il Opposition, one in ten — the remainder to be sold I y auction for the benefit of the clerks.'" lt gives me pnin to state that the "Chief Coachman," Mr Edwin Barrels, displayed on this occasion a degree of narrow-minded prejudice and obsolete scrupulousness, more worthy of the old-fashioned and barbarous Home Country, than of this enlightened land Mr Barrels objected to the new regulation as unjust — and, indeed, immoral — and refused to.have anything to do with the scheme. At this unwarrantable opposition, the true spiin of a chieftain showed itself in Dr Faustus, who '.immediately replied by ordering Mr Barrels to miud his own business, aud leave this affair (with which he had nothing to do) to the clerks. The ''Chief Coachman" continued to remonstrate, but without eliciting a eply, Jand on Dr Faust us commanding the clerks to enforce the new regulation, they obeyed him to the letter.

The rejoicings for the royal wedding were magnificent in the extreme, as might be expected from their being under tbe direct'on of Dr. Faustus .and Mr. Duncan Macbeth, the " man of (D.V.) experience — you know." Iv the first place, threo old gentlemen promenaded the stieets in full Highland costume. (I am sorry fco say they have been confi ned to bed ever since, owing to severe rheumatism in the lower extremities.) Then came a splendid foot-race between two dirty little boys for sixpence, ending in a dead heat. Thirdly, Mr Squeers, the schoolusher of j the Birch Rod, delivered a three hours ovation from the top of the flagstaff, in which ! the learned gentleman observed that he had i "again the appiness of haddressing his dear bretheren hiu this orrid muddy ole. He knew hall their heyes were directed to the appyand harristocratic pair or se union they were celei brating hon this most oly and most himportant hoccasion. He wished them hall ' /-.honor, hoffering hoppulence, ope, ..imminence, lielegance, and every appiness, and trusted that when the oily-berries came, they would henjoy a appy Christmas.*' Tlie audience shea tears copiously during this eloquent speech, and at its conclusion cheered so loudly as to shake down a new brick stove in the vicinity. Next, the poet laureate to the " Exploder" recited his " Ode to the I Princess Alexandra: — ; All hail I our future Quocn to be ! ; Who came to us from o'er the sea, I To help thy dear young man to reign. All hail to tbee, though royal Dane ! How oft didst thou, in deepest woe, Cry, " Oh, this is a dreadful go, That I should bo so sick and ill, Nor find relief from dose or pill." But Albion's shore was reached at last, „ And thy young man came running fast To meet thee. Then the knot was tied, And thou became a Prince's bride. All hail to thee, tho <•*» princess dear, 1 pledge thee in a po 1 of beer. D.M. There was not a dry eye among aU that vast concourse, who were too deeply moved by the feelings of loyalty and devotion, so touchingly appealed to in the above exquisite lines, to applaud. But their silence spoke more forcibly. The poem is to be obtained v 10s. cloth, gilt," from Mr Weathercock, the editor of the " Exploder." Fosco.

A Question in Optics — At College the senior class was under examination for degrees. The Professor of Natural Philosophy was badger'ng the boys in optics. The. point under illustration was thafc, strictly and sciontifically speaking, we see not objects, but their images depicted on the retina. The worthy professor, in order to make the matter plainer, said to the wag of the class, "Mr. Jackson, did you ever 'actually see your lather ?" — " No, sir," Bill promptly replied. — " Please explain to the committee why you never saw your own father."— " Because," replied Mr. William Jackson, very gravely, *' he died befoi c I was born."

CANTERBURY. (FROM OUR OWN CORRESPONDENT.) I have waited till the conclusion of our Commemoration festivities before sending you my first letter in the character of "our own correspondent," partly because it afforded so excellent an opening for my first performance in that capacity, and partly because they have for the last week so completely engrossed public attention that no one has had leisure to bestow on matters of, for the time, minor importance ; and consequently there was but little else fur me io record. At last, however, the long expected clay has come and gone, and now I will endeavour to give you a short account of the manner in which Canterbury displayed its loyalty on so exciting an occasion. In order that persons of ardent temperament in the pursuit of pleasure might not be defrauded of their full measure of fun, it was airanged that the two' chief towns, Lyttelton and Christchurch, should rejoice on separate days, and Lyttelton being the smaller, and likely to afford less exciting sport, prudently chose the first day, on the principle of keeping the greatest pleasure to the last. Tbe Lytiel on people, however, were quite out of luck, as the day they selected was greeted with a most inopportune sou'-wesier. in spite of which ihey dressed up their town with an infinity of flags of all possible descriptions, marched in procession, planted commemoration trees, held a regatta, and manfully went through all the rest of the appointed programme, and wound up tbe evening with a general illumination. Fireworks were on the card as the grand finale, but unfortunately they did not arrive irom Dunedin lill two days after the fair.

But th • sr at event was on Thursday, when Christchurch kept holiday, which well deserves to be noted in the history of the Province as the Isrgest as well as by far the most successful effort at public display ever witnessed in Canterbury. The weather too seemed to have satisfied its spite upon unfortunate Lyttelton and to be willing to give this side of the hill a good turn, for though it rained" hard for several days previously, and even up to seven o'clock on Thursday, morning, it then cleared up into as fine a day as any holiday seeker could possibly desire. The programme for the day included a grand procession through the town terminated by the planting of two oak trees to be named respectively Albert Edward nnd Alexandra, a children's feast, n Maori ditto, rural sports, illuminations, and fireworks. Of these of course the procession was ihemost important and most carefully elaborated It was 'got up upon a very considerable scale ; indeed, so universal was the response to the wish expressed by the Committf o appointed'to make the necessary arrangements that all classes of the community should be represented in the procession that there appeared some reason for apprehension lest t.ieir should be none left to serve as spectators. First came a carriage and four, containing tbe ladies who were to plant the trees, escorted by a guard of honor. After thtm followed the trees decora'ed with ribbons, immediately behind which was the place allotted to the Maorics, who attended inureat numbers and appeared to enjoy the share they took in the day's proceedings. Next came the representatives of the different trades, marshalled under their .respective banners with appropriate devices and mottoes. Then came what to many present appeared perhaps the most attractive part of the whole procession, a Liliputian army of children of eight years old and upwards, each child carrying a flag. The number was increased by the different schools in Christchurch and neighborhood, each marchii-g nnder its own banner, and certainly it seemed as though, if that were the average rate of increase, population will not loDg be one of the wants of Canterbury. The schools were followed by tho orders of Oddfellows and Foresters, and othors, in full costume. The Foresters were led by Robin Hood and Litle John, both on horseback, preceded by one of tbe handsomest flajj-s in the line. The members of tho Volunteer Fire Brigade, in lull uniform and with tbeir engines tastefully decorated were a great addition to this part ol the procession. The plough, thrashing machine, and other agricultural implements, mounted on waggons and gaily decorated, followed next in order, and then came one of the best, or rather the very best got up bit of the whole spectacle, the array of the printers, which a certain rsprit dc corps induces me to describe witb more minuteness thin the rest. First came the banner <>f the Caxton Gub, and one specially devoted to the honor of Caxton, then followed the venerable printer himself in the dress ofthe period, upon a horse led by two pages in appropriate costume, and very well indeed was tbe character got up and maintained. In front of a carriage, containing the proprietors of the tine • newspapers of Christchurch, were borne white silken banners, on which Wi-rc printed in golden letters the first pages of the day's papers ; then came three more banners, representing the three offices, behind which rolled onwards a triumphal car, hung with crimson and white drapery, on which stood a printing press, whence pressmen nfc every halt in tho procession worked off nnd distributed amongst tho crowd a broadsheet, containing a copy of the programme anrl some verses, composed by members of the profession iv honor of the occasion. Conspicuous on the car, ard the object of wonder nnd merriment among the by -slanders, wifch sooty face, Ugly looking horns, glaring eyes, and a tremendous tail, stood that imp of darkness, the "Printer's Devil." Behind the ear walked the printers of Canterbury two by two, with bciutiful flags of various colours, and three stand trds borne by pages mi horseback closed tbis part ot the procession. After the printers had passed, thero came Ihe banner of the city of Christ chui eh, nnd then the City nnd Municipal Councils, tinProvincial C'uncil and the Speaker, tbc ■Sheriff, the Judge, and the mombcrs of the House of Represcutafcivcs and Legislative Council, the Clergy, tbc Bishop, and His Honor tbe Superintendent, accompanied by His Executive. Private carriages and a throng of horsemen closed tho procession, which extended 0.-er three-quarters of a mile in length. In this order tbe procession moved throuih the town to tho spot where it had been determined to plant the Commemoration Trees, at the extreme limit of the city boundary, on the road to Lyttelton. Arrived there, the Superintendent; delivered an appropriate anrl loyal address, prayers were offered up by the Bishop, then .the Ladies plied their spades for a few minutes, and amid hearty cheers from the crowd around, the Trees received their Names, and where declared duly planted. This was the culminating point; and, as tbe cheers arose again and again, the flags nnd banners waved iv the air, and every face was bright with joy and excitement; it was felt that the whole had been a great success, thafc Canterbury had worthily displayed its loyalty to the Throne, and attachment to the mother country.

Of the rest of the day's festivities I need nofc givo a detailed account, nor would it be interesting to your readers; suffice ifc to say, that, during tho whole day, Chirstchurch wore an air of jollity quite surprising in a town not generally remarkable for liveliness, and tbat what with illuminations, fireworks, and suppers, this jollity was kept up till early next morning. It is a gratifying circumstance amid it all that no accident, occurred, n>r was there a single case of excess. Tlie merriment over night (as is not always the ctrse) made no work for the magistrate's court on the morrow. I have left myself very little room to write about any thin/* else than these commemoration festivities, and indeed, as I mentioned at the beginning of my letter, there is little else to mention. Tbe only matter that I know of importance, is the 'a est freak of the river Waimakariri wliich last week caused considerable excitement among the citizens of Christchurch, by threatening them with a sudden and most unwelcome visit. This river, which is of considerable volume, flows about, 12 miles from Christchurch, afc a level higher Mian that ofthe snrrounding plains, aud is distinguished by a propensity to shift its channel, which it has left evident marks of having done two or three times already. One of our most eminent engineers has always maintained the probability of its some day breaking out at a point which would bring the whole river straight dowu upon Christchurch, and lasfc week the alarm was given tbat it was overtopping its banks at this precise spot, and that the terrible day was at hand, and " the Waimakariri was coming down." It turned out that tho heaviest fresh ever known bad raised the river to such a height that a small quantity of water had really escaped over the bank in the direction of Christ church, but the citizens aro for this timo quieter pour la penr. Kaiapoi was the sufferer instead, somo parts being quite overflowed. However, there can be little doubt that Christchurch is in great though not immediato danger, and some extensive engineering works will have to be accomplished before she can be entirely at her ease in tbe perilous vicinity of her rampant ue'udibour. The Provincial Council is summoned lo meet un Wednesday. Various matters of great local importance bave to be brought forward, including of course that never-ending topic for discussion, the education question; but Ihe debates are not likely to be anything very brilliant. My next letter will contain an account of their proceedings as far as they possess any interest.