MISCELLANEOUS.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2673, 13 October 1881, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

The impecunious man who married an heiress always spoke of her as a capital wife.

Yaso is pronounced by some people as vace, others call it vahss ; but there is no cahss why everybody shouldn’t goas they-pleaso in this matter. It rains alike on the just and the unjust—on the just mainly because the unjust have borrowed their umbrellas, “Do as ye would that men should do unto you,” is a glorious recipe. Is this the reason why women kiss each other when they meet ? Indian jute has been successfully grown in the State of Yirginia, and the Americans are talking about saving the millions spent every year for fibres for twine, sacking, and paper making. A London medical journal has counted up that there are 180,000 reputable physicians in the civilised world, saying nothing of the old women and their herb remedies. According to the code established for the behaviour of Washington doctors, one physician must not call another a sneak and a liar. We (“Detroit Press”) do not see how any true American can submit to be thus hampered. Egypt is suffering from an overflow of counterfeit piasters from Geneva, In consideration of the fact that Egyptian money is worth only about half a crown a bushel this is a little too bad. Old lady Squoggs don’t believe the moon is inhabited. “ For,” says she, “ what on airth becomes of folks in the moon when there’s nothing left of it but a little streak.P” A good many people who have the painted or worsted worked motto, “ God Bless Our Homes,” posted up in their houses ought to hire a man to examine the drains. ConscienceP What is conscience? Well, when you see the Assessor coming around to survey your personal property and you slip your gold watch into your coat-tail pocket and feel as mean as an‘Arab about it that’s conscience—a wee bit of it.

Of the population of the State of California (804,686), 268,609 live in commercial towns, 92,017 in agricultural towns, 30,701 in mining towns, 45,914 in towns of mixed industries, and 427,415 on farms, mines, and in small hamlets. Almost exactly half the population live in 80 cities and towns, having populations exceeding 500. A Wisconsin town had never heard “ Pinafore,” but the “ hardly ever ” joke had been hanging rpund there for two years. And when a troupe played the piece there the audience was delighted until the "hardly ever” came in. Then the mob rose at the actors and noticed them that they couldn’t ring that gag in town. They wouldn’t have it. Explanation was useless, Slightly sarcastic was the clergyman who paused and addressed a man coming into church after a sermon had begun, with the remark. “ Glad to see you, sir; come in 5 always glad to see those hero late who. can’t come early.” And decidedly self-possessed was <he man thus addressed in the presence of an astonish* ed congregation as he responded ; “ Thank you,” would you favor me with the text?” After all, there is a way by which the habit of smoking can bo broken, One day, while crossing the ocean,” said an American judge, " I had a severe spell of sea sickness. I went up on deck m the hope that the fresh air would act as a reviver. Mechanically, as was my habit, I took out a cigar and lit it. Before, it was half consumed the sickness cairjp on again. Ugh !it makes me pale to think of it even now. Anyhow, overboard went the cigar, and from that day to this a couple of whiffs arc enough to turn me upside down. If you happen toknowauybpjly who wants to let up ont|ie habit, just advise him to lake a weed and a dose of sea sickness together, and I’ll warrant you he will he on anti-tobacco man ever afterward.”

In a recent return we learn that there are annually consumed in London about 2,000,000 quarters of wheat, 400,000 oxen, 1,600,000 sheep, 130,000 calves, 250,000 swine, eight million heed of poultry and game, 400 million pounds of fish, 500 millions oysters, 1,200,000 lobsters, and three million salmon. The butchers’ meat alone is valued at £50,000,000. A lively reporter went up into the gallery of a certain colonial House or Parliament (wo, of course, bar our own) to take his turn in a rather hilarious condition, A very prominent, but rather prosy, member was on his legs at the time, and after the scribe had sat himself down, he wrote a few lines to the chief of the staff, but, in throwing it to him, it fell over the rail right on the bald head of the member who was “ up.” So he stooped down, picked up the note and read as follows : —“ For goodness sake lend us a 6d. I can’t report that old fool without a drink to stiffen me up.’’ The note was returned to the chief by the messenger, and the last heard of that reporter was, that he was busily engaged in editing a paper in the sugarcane country (N. Q.) where half the subscriptions are paid in rum, and the other half not at all.