"SHEAR" NONSENSE.

Saturday Advertiser, Volume III, Issue 125, 1 December 1877, Page 19

"SHEAR" NONSENSE.

- “ • y ci' yi, s , The most original spelhn&'We have ever seen is the following which is takenfrom an old book —it beats modern :r—“ 80 you be—a tub.- -80 dH. J.pe'a—a topU' 80 —bat.'™‘Bee catr~ --Pea~B0 —pat:- -Are80—rat. See ohd do ? uble you—cow. See you be—cub. See- a* bee—cab. 1 Be you double lea-“-butt. See a double ell—tall.” *y “Give rest,”? says«|a e jo|mt|y .exchange. Oust?sO; aSorfeofinter-egg-nufe as it

A clergyman was preparing his discourse ifor Sunday, stopping occasionally to review what he had written :and\to prase that which ! he disapproved, when he was accosted by his little son, who numbered but five summers —“ Does God tell you what to preach?” “Certainly, my child.” ‘ “Then, what what makes you scratch it out?” “ The baby has got a new tooth, but the old lady is laid up with a cold in the head.” *• What do I care p” was the reply. “ Well,” said the gentleman, slowly, “before the election you used to take me aside and ask me liow my family was coming : on, and I, have been hunting you all over town, to ,tell j you, and that’s the way you talk to me., But ,it don’t make any difference, I voted tor the other candidate:anyhow,’’ -u.n, j dl i The young ladies at;.the,Post Office are: likely to remain unmarried—they arealways sending-the mails away.' 0s <4 »« <>r.l>■. i>u<: .L->* It is pleasant to shake hands with a girl whose fingers are covered"i^ith ! diamonds; for you feel that you have a fortune within your very grasp. v/,i ;: ' J ‘" ’' i; ' ‘ ’ ■■ A contempobaby, tells ypung. Indies ho?y, to arrange their hair in .it fashidhale style. 5 “ Let them all down,” it says, “and comb it out. Then go up on the roof, and stand 'still while tbe wind plays (whatever is appropriate) with it. Then catcll up the back -with a bow of ribbon, and allow the front to •stay as it is,’* .i *.:.ni »■ When Macready was. playing Macbeth inthe provinces, the actor cast for thetpart of the Messenger in the last act was absent. So tbe stage manager sent a supernumerray on to speak the lines set down for the Messenger, viz.“ As I did my watch upon the hill, I looked towards Birnam, and anon metliought the wood began to move.” Macbeth : “ Liar and slave !” Super.: “ ’Pon my soul, Mr Macready, they told ine to say it.” Sunday Observances.—See the Monday charges at the Police CourtsMidsummer Madness. —Going to the seaside in search of quiet, h First Fisherman: “ Wot was the lady sayin’ to yer, Billy P”i Second F.: “ Wants to paint my picture. Never knowed I was so ’andsome afore!” First F. “ Thought I’d seen ’er somewheres ! That’s Madam Toosoo ! Wants yer in wax for the chamber o’ ’orrors!”—

She was a very modest girl (just from Boston), and when the observatory astronomer said : “ Take a glance through the tilescope, Miss, and you will see Venus in all her glory,” she frigidly drew back and replied : “No, thank you, sir ; I have no desire to look at any member of my sex who dresses as she is represented.” ; H ; A “ Drop ” in the Ocean.; —A man overboard.