THE FIRE INSURANCE AGENT.

Saturday Advertiser, Volume III, Issue 109, 11 August 1877, Page 5

THE FIRE INSURANCE AGENT.

By Meta.

This biped is of a more selfish disposition than his Life Insurance brother, and, in consequence, he may belong to a more ignoble standard of humanity, such, for example, as the country storekeeper, the dabbling commission agent, or the Jack of all trades. At times the lawyer burns his fingers in attempted risks upon damp stacks, which take fire by spontaneous combustion, or the mischievousness of those rats which abstract wax matches from the pockets of harvesters to strike a light in their nests under the bottoms of wheat ricks. The fire insurance agent is a knowing maD, well acquainted with his policy holder’s concerns. He knows how many mortgages are held over this and that property, a close observer of the contents of the Mercantile Gazette, a student in incendiarism from whatever cause, as may be seen by his hurried and suspicious glances after the partial destruction of a policy holder’s domicile. He snifEs kerosene and rags directly he enters the charred back kitchen ; he discovers the fragments of a parcel of old bills near the fire-place, and on the jamb of the door is a flask half filled with “ Old Tom,” and he communes thus, looking at the papers: “ I have my suspicions, and this accounts for it.” The following morning, when the insurer arrives at the office for his money, he is told that there is to be an enquiry held as to the origin of the fire, things look black, etc. The inquest takes place; one witness swears he saw accused on the night of the fire, with his shirt, drawers, and socks on, in an adjoining house to the property burned ; both houses were accused’s; witness told him that he was a scoundrel, and had set fire to his house; witness placed a pocket thermometer under accused’s arms, in the waist-band of his trousers, and between his socks and the foot of his drawers. He (witness) was prepared to swear to a difference of temperatures in the various parts of a very suspicious character. By the foreman —Accused was warm under the arms, and at the waist, but only slightly warm at the ankles. He (witness) thought it a most suspicious circumstance for accused to put himself to the trouble of putting on his socks onjsuch an occasion ; he ought rather to have dashed out in a state of nudity. However, there was a doubt, and the insurer got the benefit of it, to the discomfiture of the patriotic witness. The usual thing is to dispute trifling insurances, because it would be unwise to think of it in large fires. Fire Insurance Agents on ’Change congratulate each other on their several risks and premiums. One says, “ Fourth ward is my chief revenue —all brick and stone—no danger there. ” Another puts it, “I have big premiums in seventh ward on small properties, most of ’em mortgaged, some under bills of sale ; and, you know, very subject to sudden destruction. To my mind, this class of property pays the best, and my legal adviser is of the same opinion.” “Ah !” says a third, “ our office does the safe thing in large public buildings and marine insurance. We lose a ship ©r two now and again, and a big house, but what of that 1 We can stand it!” Well says a fourth, “ Hotels are the best game—lots of risk —large policies and premiums, and occasional professional burnings down ; windfalls that don’t occur every day, but we get them now and again. Some of our chief sources of profit are being destroyed by railways and some by artificial ports. There’s not much to be gained now by such places as Oamaru or Timnru, because all the buildings are stone ; but then we get it the other way in yearly profits, which is after all better than the encouragement of the crime of incendiarism in taking risks over dicky house-holders and other small fry.