THE LIGHT COLUMN.

Rangitikei Advocate and Manawatu Argus, Volume XLV, Issue 12084, 23 June 1920, Page 2

THE LIGHT COLUMN.

ALLEGED HUMOUR. THE ONE EXCEPTION. ‘See here,” said a faultfinding husband, “we must have things arranged in this, house so that wo shall know whore everything is kept,” “With all my heart,” answered his wife. “Let us begin with your late hours, my love. I should dearly like to know where they are kept.” He let things run as usual. WRONG, ANYWAY. “Henry, I think yon were absolutely wrong about that furniture.” “Yes, dear.” “And also about the shade of wall paper we want. ” “Certainly ” “Henry Jones! If you aren’t going to be sociable I’m going to bod!”

SAVED! In a local art gallery there is a picture entitled “Saved,” representing a large Newfoundland dog standing over a child, whom it has rescued from the river. On market days many people from the country find their way to the picture gallery, and nearly all admire this lifelike painting. One rather stout old lady, obviously a farmer’s wife, stood gaffing at it for quite a long time, and as she turned to go, exclaimed — . “No wonder the child ffainted, after dragging that big dog out of the watgr!”

|THEN SHE STARTED| Mrs Smith : . Did the doctor ask to sea your tongue, Janies? Mr Smith : No; I told him about yours and he ordered me away tor a rest. SOUNDS LIKE ONE. Jones; Why do you call your place a bungalow? Brown: Well, if it isn’t a bungalow, what is it? The job was a bungle, and I still owe for it. A NEW USB FOR POULTICES, The Grocer: Yes’m, the high price of mustarc. is due to the scarcity o fuel. You see, people are buying up mustard and are keeping themselves warm with poultices. A GOOD BEGINNING. Doctor. Well, madam, wbat your husband needs is absolute rest from worry. Lady: But, doctor, he simply refuses to listen to me. Doctor: An excellent start, madam, an excellent start. USED TO IT Sweeping his long hair oack with an impressive gesture, the visitor faced the proprietor of the film studio, “I would like to secure a place in your moving-picture company, ” he said, -‘You are an actor?” asked the film man. “Yes.” “Had any experience acting without audiences?” A flicker of sadness shone in the visitor’s eyes as he replied. “Acting" without audiences is what brought me here!” PROGRESS. Bridget O’Fiynn; Toiraes have changed, indade. Norah O’Toole; “Tis true fut yez! Oi used to cook fur women that Oi wouldn’t play bridge wid nowadays, BUT SHE HADN’T. Mrs Jones thought she’d '.try the effect of a little praise on her new maid. “How nicely you have ironed these things, Jane!” she said admiringly, as she inspected the garments hanging before the fire to air Then, glancing at the glossy linen, she continued in a tone of surprise: ‘ ‘Oh, 1 see they are all your own !” “Yes,” replied Jane, “andj’d do yours just like chat if I hadj time, ma’am.” ,