NOTHING SERIOUS.

Pelorus Guardian and Miners' Advocate., Volume 29, Issue 38, 18 May 1917, Page 2

NOTHING SERIOUS.

ANOTHER KIND

A street singer, who was followed in his slow progress through the thoroughfare by a procession of chi - dren, turned upon the biggest of them with an exasperated : “Now, then , ain't yer got nothin’ better to do than follow a pore man about like this ? Why don’t you go to work 1 You’re big enough, and old enough by the look of you.” “This is my work,” retorted i the urchin, a ragged boy of thirteen 01 fourteen years of age ; “I’m an inspector.” “Inspector ot police ?” sarcastically inquired the itinerant vocalist. “No,” grinned the urchin ; “inspector of nuisances.” NEARING THE FINISH. Smashed and spoiled lay the geraniums in his pet flower-bed, ami Jinks • shook a savage fist at the fence, where his neighbour’s cat, tin doer of the damage, sat and purree amicably.

Then, humming a low but flerct hymn of hate, he donned his hat and sought a chemist. Two hours later the neighboui glanced over the fence and saw Jink# kindly offering the cat a drink from a saucer of milk ; but he did not sac that, previously, Jinks had diluted the milk with something from a bottle with a red label. “That’s the way, old chap, reture good for evil !” said ho gaily. “Fraid that cat’s a bit of a nuisance to you at times, but it’s only his playful little ways. They often make a running track of the next-door cabbagepatch, you know.” “I suppose they do,’*’ said Jinks, as he gleefully watched pussy lapping at the “mined” fluid,' “but I think your cat’s nearly finished his training gallop. In fact, I wouldn’t bi surprised if he’s doing his last laj now.” IT ALL DEPENDED. In a certain country village then resides a curate with ambitiono. When he ; heard that the bishop oi the diocese was to grace the vicar’s garden-party, ho determined to bring himself to the great man’s notice. The day arrived, and also the bishop. The curate followed the latter round all*the afternoon. Presently the bishop and several others, including the curate, began conversing on the wonderful ways of Providence. “My lord,” said the curate eagerly, “my aunt intended to travel by a certain train, but missed, it by two minutes. That very train was derailed, and many passengers killed and injured. Was not that a wonderful intervention of Providence ?” The bishop seized the chance of bestowing a well-needed snub. “I’m afraid I don’t know your aunt !” be replied blandly. ’ SOME SIPHON. “Good morry, Mr. Beytop,” greeted the waiter in the big city hotel. “I hope you enjoyed that old Scotch I left in your room while you wore out.” “It was pretty fair,” drawled Farmer Ryetop, rubbing his parched lips, “but, fTegum, that siphon you sent up had the strongest stream of fizz water I ever tackled, an’ the blamed thing came near blowing me through the window." ■The waiter looked puzzled. “Siphon ? Why, I didn’t send up any siphon.” “Yes, you did. It was red, and bound with brass bands.” “Great Scot ! Why, that was the automatic fire-extinguisher !” PADDY’S TROUBLE. Paddy could not understand tha Daylight Saving Bill, and the efforts of his pals failed to make him sea its advantages, “Oi ’ope oi live till they alter it back, an share that oi do !” his exclaimed. “Why ! What’s a’trouhling you, Paddy ?” they asked. “Well, If oi fall an’ break my neck —be jabers oi’ll be dead an ’our before oi’m killed !” be replied; AN ARTFUL RUSE. The quietly attired gentleman witk the new kid gloves saw a pin lying on the pavement. He stooped tfl pick it up without removing Mi

gloves, A bootblack, d newsboy, and two idlers stopped to see the performance and with this nucleus the crowd rapidly gathered and began offuing advice.

“Stick to it!” cried ft voice with a suspicious intonation‘of insincerity; and the pin was picked up, and the dignified man drew a small box from his overcoat pocket, opened it, an<} said

“ ‘Stick to if Ua« «v.vo;,'v been my motto, and you will find It cn each and every bottle of this justly cel* brated mucilage which I am offering at the small price ( of one penny a bottle,” and he started to do business at once. “SOME” FISH. A shoemaker in the city of Durham, getting on well in the way of business, became proud. One day there were many customers in the shop, when the shop boy, came in to say that dinner was ready. “What’s for dinner, sir ?” “Herrings, sir,” answered the boy. As soon as they went for dinner, the shoemaker told the boy to say something big when customers were, in. A few days after the boy came in to say dinner was ready. “Whaf s for dinner, air ?” asked the shoemaker. “Fish, sir,” answered the boy. “What sort of fish ?’’ asked the shoemaker. “A whale, sir.” answered the boy.