HEBREW HUMOUR, BY MISS LEAH RUSSELL.

Pelorus Guardian and Miners' Advocate., Volume 19, Issue 100, 18 December 1908, Page 2

HEBREW HUMOUR, BY MISS LEAH RUSSELL.

THE FAMOUS IMPERSONATOR

Many people are under the impression that after a brief visit to Wonderland and Petticoat Lane they know all that there is to be known about the life and character of the Jewish people. Now, as a matter of fact, it,takes a Jew to understand a Jew. You may live n his street, you may do business with him, or you may spend years in his haunts, but you will never get beyond the surface of his character. He is too subtle, and moreover, it is well-nigh impossible for the Western mind to gauge the instinct of this strange product of the East.

The most remarkable characteristics about the chosen people is their extraordinary honour. This is all the more extraordinary when i it is realised that for two .thousand ,yea}’s they have been persecuted and hounded from pillar to post. All countries have at one time and another looked askance at them, but in spite of this they have risen on their own merits, and have become pillars of society and ornaments of their adopted countries.

Russia will never regain her position among the great powers of the world .until she grants that freedom to the Jews which is the common inheritance of.humanity.

But withal the Hebrew is humorous. He is not wily in the way English and Americans are. Y'ou may think it is unconscious, so sly it is, still it is not.

Take,for example, the story of the Irishman who met a Jew walking across London Bridge. “I will bet you a pound. Moses,” said the man from Ireland, “ that I know what you are thinking about.” “Done,’’said Moses.

“You are thinking of going to the other side of this bridge, of renting a shop, of buying a stock, of starting up a business, of insuring the'place for as much as possible, and then of burning it down.” “You are wrong,” said Moses, “absolutely wrong.” Then alter a pause, “But it’s a fine idea. Here's your money.”

A Hebrew on one occasion was crossing" the Atlantic. All of a sudden there was a terrible storm. Men, women, and children were rushing hither and thither, screaming and shouting. Pushing everybody aside with the little Jew, holding a watch in his hand, making his‘way towards the captain.

“Is it dangerous?” he cried' to him.

“In another five minutes,” said the captain, “the ship will have gone under.”

“Look here, captain, said the Jew, “here's a twenty-five guinea gold watch which you can have for a pound.” « Hero is another story of a Hebrew who went to a second-hand clothes shop in Petticoat Lane. He wanted a suit for his little boy. “How much is this one?” he asked.

“A sovereign,” said the other. The customer remarked that it was too much for him and walked out of the shop. In a few moments the shopman ran after him, ‘‘Mister Levy.” he said, ‘‘l will let you have that suit for fifteen shillings. But, believe me, as true as I am standing on this spot (and ho jumped away from the spot) that suit cost me eighteen shillings, and I am losing three shillings by selling it to you.”

“Mister Isaacs,” said Mr. Levy, “you are an .honest man, and I won’t rob you.” Then magnanimously, “Tell you what I’ll do, give me two shillings and I won’t buy the suit.”

That Mr. Levy was a keen mdn of. business you could see by the three enormous diamond studs he sometimes wore on his shirt front. He was proud of these studs, for did they not carry a secret air of prosperity ? Across the road there was a rival tradesman, and Mr. Levy was 'very desirous of bringing these outward semblances of wealth to his notice. One day they were both invited to a wedding party. Everybody present was called upon to give a toast in honour of the bride and bridegroom. Eventually .Levy s turn came round.

“Ladies and gentlemen.” said he, “T am not much of a speechmaker, not so much as my friend Mister Jacobs (with a glance at his rival), but 1 wish the bride’s and the bridegroom's future will shine like these diamond studs, for which 1 gave one hundred pounds.” Every Jew can tell you th* legend of how Samuel was tempted bv the devil. Satan made an offer for Samuel's soul. He said that he would give him more money than ho could spend, and that he would not fake possession of the soul until Samuel was dead. “What,” said Samuel, “give mo more riches than 1 want for the little soul ?” Satan nodded an assent. “Will you give rno five hundred thousand pounds without me signing any papers?” •‘You get the cash right away.” “And you don’t want the soul \mtil 1 die ?’’ “Agreed to all,” said Satan. “ Then,” remarked Samuel, “you are a rotten business man, and you deserve to be where you are. ' , A customer went to a Jewish tailor once for a pair oi trousers. As he was leaving he slammed the. door on the tail of his frock coat. “Morris, my boy,” cried the father from behind the counter to his son, “get the scissors and cut oil for a waistcoat.” “Vot you doin' with those handgrenade fire extinguishers in your vindows ?” asked one Jew of another, who had a small shop in th# New York Ghetto, and who had placed the articles in question “three-ball” wise in his window. “Veil, (you see,” he answered, "my insurance company • requires me to haf dem on the premises, and that’s the only way I can bear to look at dem,”—“London Chat.”