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Pelorus Guardian and Miners' Advocate., Volume 18, Issue 11, 5 February 1907, Page 3

Comforted I’npit, A well known business man, whose head is bare, yet who wears a luxuriant growth of whiskers, was being railed recently for being bald by some of his intimate friends in the presnee of his small daughter. Little Mabel didn't understand that it was all in jest, and crawling upon her parent’s lap put her arms about his neck and turned defiantly toward his tormentors: “My papa w’ud ruvver hav’ his top hair on his chin, w’udn’t you, papa?’’ —Cincinnati Enquirer. Too Strong' a Temptation. “Yes, George asked me how old I would be on my next birthday.” “The impudent fellow! Of course you said 19?” “No, I said 2G.” “Mercy, girl, you ain’t but 24!” * “No, but George is going to give me a cluster ring with a diamond in It for every year.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. Not nt Present. Breathes there a man with soul so dead Who never to his friends hath said: “What did I say? I told you so. I called the turn a month ago.” —Boston Journal. HARD LINES.

“I told her mother that she looked ns young as her daughter.” “That caught the old lady, I suppose?” “Yes, but it lost me th© daughter.” —The King. Pedigree aud Mascot, The rabbit met the Belgian hare And said with grand and lordly air: “When pledge of good luck man secures My left hind leg’s as good as yours.” —Chicago Record. Recognized Him. Mrs. Casey (reading war news)— Wan soldjer wor morthal wounded, an’ his lasht words wor: “Gimme whisky.” Mrs. Dolaxu (whose husband is at the front) —Hivin hilp me fatherless childer; thot wor Pat. Harper’s Bazar. , No Sinecure, Jaggles—That young poet has become a fad and gets a dollar a head from people to hear him read his poems. That’s an easy way to make money. Waggles—Easy? Say! I guess you never tried to read that fellow’s poetry. —Puck. In Self-Defense. Towne—l’m surprised at you trying to borrow a dollar from that fellow Ilarduppe. You’re surely not in such awful need of money. Browne—No, but I felt sure. Harduppe was, and I merely anticipated him.—Philadelphia Press. Tlio Ladder of Preferment. First Lawyer—Young Blackstone has political aspirations, hasn’t Second Lawyer—Why do you think 60? First Lawyer—l notice he calls all the barkeepers by their first names, —N. Y. Weekly. Fan, "Of course, John,” said his wife. “I’m obliged to you for this money, but it isn’t nearly enough to buy a real fur coat.” “Well,” replied the brutal man, "you’ll have to make it go as fur as you can.”—Philadelphia Press. Bneourngriutf. Mr. Prancer—l’m sorry I’m such an awkward dancer, Miss Perkins. Miss Perkins—Oh, you’re doing fairly well, Mr. Prancer. I’ve seen you jerk around lots worse than this with other girls.—lndianapolis Journal Spoiled His Sleep. Mrs. Eggleston—Look heah, Fernery! doan yo’ want a cup ob coffee fer breakfas’? Mr. Eggleston'—No—l doan want no coffee in de mawning’—keeps me awake all day.—Judge. Keeping Before the Public. “Oh, yes, he frequently gets hia name in the papers.” "How?” “Whenever a prominent man dies ho sends a message of condolence.”— Chicago Times-Herald. Practical Financiering. “The widow seems to take a great interest in old Ooldthwaite. She thinks that if she takes interest now she’ll have the principal later.”— Hits. Fought to Get It. “Did yon hear what Mrs. Weddex calls her alimony?" “No, What?"” “The spoils of war.”—Philadelphia Bulletin. Off on a Trip. She—l haven’t quarreled with my husband for six weeks. He—Oh, has he been away from home as long as that ?—Yonkers Statesman. How It Happened, Mr. Bleecker—Oh, yes. Baxter lost all his money but not his friends. Miss Chambers—How is that? Mr. Bleecker—Well, he had the good aonse to die at the same time.—Judge,

' »a*l I aat:?e, Sandy Thamson h: d a w !,fc whose tongue was quite So !hc task of “(leaving, a miller.” ‘-ne w-y wet, vidiuly night, as the mmister v. as passing the joiner’s house ko w«» surprised to see Sandy standing in the midst of the rain. “Dear me,” said the minister, “what, are you doing outside on a night like this?” “Oh, I’m shelterin’ frae the storm,” said Sandy, somewhat sadly. "Man, it’s naething oiotside tae what it’s inside.”—Dundee (Scotland) News. I Where He Went for It. Albert was sent downtown by his mother to get some horseradish which she needed for her pickles. After quite a long absence he came back home, tired and empty-handed. “Well, where is the horseradish?” asked his mother. “Why, mother, I went to every livery stable in town, and they didn’t have a bit,” answered Albert, with a weary sigh.—Tit-Bits. Understood KSs Rueiito.vs. Fruit Vender—Why you notta tella me move on? Policeman—Your cart is not in the way there. Fruit Vender—Den I put ita in da way, and I wanta you tella me move on. Policeman—What for? Fruit Vender—Dat maka big crowd and I sella banan.—N. Y. Weekly. A Poor Rule, Etc. Mr. Boerum—Willie, you should not eat so much between meals! It will take away your appetite at meal times. Willie Boerum (earnestly)—l don’t see why it should! My eating at meal times never takes away my appetite for eating between meals!—Brooklyn Eagle. All the Same. “Boys will be boys,” quoted the apologist for the youngsters. “Boys will be nuisances, you mean,” retorted the man whose garden had been wrecked. “Same thing,” was the reply. “Wording slightly changed, but the underlying idea is the same.”—Chicago Post. More Exerciee That Way. Doctor-*-You need more exercise. Patient —Why, I’m a journeyman painter. I’m steadily engaged in painting houses now. Doctor—Working by the day, I expect? Patient—Yes. Doctor—Well, you’d better work by the piece for awhile. —Stray Stories. Discredited. Lev. Fourthly—Miss Melicent, some persons have—er—complained that the ends of my sermons are—er —too long drawn iout. Melicent (earnestly)—They have? Why, doctor, I assure you, 1 always listen most eagerly for the end. —Brooklyn Eagle. Absent, Hat Well Represented. “You miss your dear husband dreadfully, Mrs. Simpson?” “Yes, of course; but our youngest daughter is exactly like him. She tries to regulate the grammar and manners of the whole family—Detroit Free Press. Her Point of View. “What,” queried the very young man, “can be worse than taking a kiss without asking for it?” “Asking for a kiss without takingit," replied the young woman who was doing her third season,—Chicago Daily News. Fate, Fate, In the mind of the pagan, Of the form of woman was— For only a woman, my children, Can do things, simply because. —Detroit Free Press. ENCOUUAREMEIjT.

Harold Weakling—An,d after I’ve interviewed your mother must I ask your father tor your hand? Ethel Slrongma-—Yes, if you survive mother.—Chicago Daily Mews. The Gay Uet’Hvcra. Little grains of powder, Little drops of paint, Make the ladies’ freckles Look as though they ain’t. —N. Y. Times, Tom in y’a K«ecc as, Mrs. Cawker—J am so glad that my . little hoy weal' lo the head of the class this morning. How did you come to do il, Tommy ? Tommy—The re-t of ihe fellows had guessed all the oilier ways of spelling the word.—Leslie’s Weekly. A« I’muul, “lias Spicer heard from his daughter since she eloped?” “Oh, yes. The young couple telegraphed the next, day that they were willing to come home and be forgiven.” —Chicago Beeord-Herahl. A Lex I‘iiUer. Bertwhistlc—Dauber isn’t a bad artist «on drawing I ho 11 g ure. Beecroft (feelingly) Xo; and he is an expert at pulling a certain part of it.—Brooklyn Eagle.