ABOVE SUSPICION.

Pelorus Guardian and Miners' Advocate., Volume 17, Issue 60, 31 July 1906, Page 8

ABOVE SUSPICION.

" Spanish wine, ait," said the waiter of a restaurant to a guest, and he prepared to fill his glass with sherry, not anticipating a refusal, "Spanish wine!" exclaimed the guest, nervously. "Oh, no. Take it away. They've got the cholera in Spain, mo Spanish wine for me." "You need not be alarmed," responded the waiter; "all our Spanish wines are manufactured in Paris." , So the nervous gentleman drank his glass of Exerts, and was thankful. •''.v.; : ,' HOW TO MAKE WOMEN I«O0K v YOUNGER. 4§§v; . A piquant saleswoman whose big brother —he is in the business referred Jo— sent her over to Paris to study the styles and take in the Eiffel tower and all that, chatted thus as she sold a bonnet to a wofaan about whose eyes there remained some of to* ashes of the rosea of several years ago. _ ■, " Let me put ties on this bonnet Everything in Paris runs to ties. Tittare all the rage. Believe me, dear madam, even matrimonial ties are going to have more of a run this season than heretofore." Wi Of course the woman in whose face there were some recollections bought the bonnet. And when she had got clear out of sight, safe beyond return, the beautiful little bundle of conceit who had played the role of spider in the old, old farce-tragedy of "The Spider and the Fly" said almost pathetically.: '' ■ ''■'s**}■ " Poor little woman ! She didn't kriow why I insisted upon putting ties on her bonnet. And yet it was for her own benefit. Besides, it's business. I am not such a wretch after all. Why did I do if? Because ties on the bonnet ' 1 rit woman who has passed in* luurk of thirty years do much to make that woman look younger. You know, maybe, that age begins to show itself first of all ,on a woman's throat. I heard that in Pans, and the woman who ssiid it—oh, how well she knows! A tie, even if it be as tiny as that which a mother strings about the neck of her babe, conceal from critical eyes these first paths furrowed by time. It is a trick of the trade, you say. Maybe. There are tricks in all trades., Beauty is a trade; the trick is to preserve it. If I can do something which will hide the first imprint of time on a woman »he is mine.- I know my business." IN THE STOCKS. ••Put yourself in his place," is the rule, if a man would like to know how his tired neighbour feels. Like many another good rule, however, it is not to be too rigorously insisted upon. There are some forms of suffering, concerning which even the most sympathetic man may be willing to form his opinion by observation and reasoning rather than by experience. Lord Camden, Lord Chief Justice of England, was walking with his host, Lord Dacre, an absent-minded man.

As they" were passing the parish stocks, Lord Camden said: " I wonder whether a man in the stocks suffers physical pain ? I'm inclined to think that, apart from the sense of shame, he suffers nothing, unless the boys pelt him with brickbats." . !• Settle the doubt by putting your feet into the holes," said Lord Dacre. " I will I" exclaim«d Camden, and he sat down and put his feet into the holes. '' Now Dacre," said he, "fasten the bolts and leave me for ten minutes." Y, • Lord Dacre did so, but quickly forgot his distinguished guest, who sat awaiting his return with his feet fifteen inches higher than his seat, and encircled by hard wood. Acute pains shot along the confined limbs; his feet ached, and cramps seized the muscles of the thighs. Faintn'ess, giddiness and thirst increased his discomfort. .^ A peasant passing by was implored by the prisoner to liberate him, and answered with a sneer of derision. A clergyman on being told by the prisoner that he was Lord Camden-exclaimed: " Ah! mad with liquor. Tis droll, though, he should imagine Mmlelf a chief justice," and he passed on. For ten hours the poor judge sat in the stocks. When at last he was taken out and carried to his host's house, his miserable plight had settled in his mind that the punishment of the stocks is attended by great physical suffering. A year or two after Lord Camden presided at a trial in which a workman brought an action against a magistrate, who had wrongfully placed him in the stocks. The counsel for the magistrate attempted to laugh the case out of court, and made merry at the workman's statement that he had suffered intense pain during his confinement. " Brother, were you ever in the stocks ?" whispered Lord Camden, leaning forward. "Never, my lord," answered the astonished lawyer. " Well, I have been ; and let me assure you that the agony is awful." ••;.>; ; ■ THREE PENNILESS ACTORS. Three 3'oung men, setting out on a journey to 3, distant part of th« country, and without a penny in their pockets to defray their expenses, determined, after holding counsel together, to assume the character of strolling actors, and on arriving at their first halting-place solicited and obtained permission from the local authorities to announce the performance of a piece never before represented, and entitled " The Penniless Travellers." There being no theatre in the village, they decided on erecting a temporary stage in a large barn, the hire of which was to be paid out of the receipts; and as scon as their preparations were completed, at;d two itinerant musicians engaged by way of orchestra, sent an individual with airum to summon the inhabitants, most of whom, attracted by the novelty, readily handed over their threepence each to one of the confederates posted at the entrance to the barn. When all were assembled, and remained patiently awaiting the commencement, the trio quietly d«camped with their booty after locking the door and carrying away the. key with them, exulting in the success of their stratagem. About a mile from the village they met a peasant on his way thither, and besought him as a favour siO take back the key and unlook the door of Uie barn they had forgotten to leave open, adding that in it there were a number of calves half starved with hunger, not having eaten anything all day. The peasant willingly consented, but on his arrival was somewhat surprised to hear sounds proceeding from the interior of the barn more resembling human voions than the bleating of the animals he expected to find there. However, he lost no time in unlocking the door, and coula not restrain his merriment when he beheld some four score individuals rushing out one after another, evidently in a state of extraordinary mxasperation. This unwonted sjxctacle so amused him that he literally roared with laughter; seeing which, the entire multitude, naturally taking him for an accomplice of the three adventurers, fell upon him, and belaboured him soundly. A frw weeks later, a company of real Thespians, happening to pass through the village, and being in tore want of funds, proposed, as their ill-luck would have it, to giva the inhabitants a taste of their quality; whereupon the latter, imagining themselves likely to be duped a second time, so rudely maltreated I hem that they had great difficulty in •leaping with their lives.