HUMOUR--- More or Less

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume LXII, Issue 18763, 20 July 1935, Page 13

HUMOUR---More or Less

Brown: "Stout people, they _ shv, are rarely guilty of meaiines’9 or crime.” .tones: "Well, well. Toil sei‘ r it )* so difficult for them to i&toop to anything low. * * » * There are tricks in all trades, including the writing' trade. A rule tor reporters on the Emporia Gazette runs: "If you feel you must write 1 very, ’ writ e 1 damn ’. ’ ’ So, w hen on - f-hused', a reporter may write: "If was a daiiin fine victory.” But. does the "damn” got printed? It does not. The line comes out, "It was a line victory,” Thus, says an ex-reporter oi the Gazette, the paper retains its restrained, simple and forceful style. * * * * Pour old gentlemen were playing Bridge together. They had been doing little else but play bridge with each other for some years. On this particular day Hooker trumped his partner-'* nee. Hobson thought for some seconds. Then lie said: "I have known for some years that eacli day you played bridge worse than you did the day be fore. Ido not resent that. But J resent the fact that you are playing to-day the bridge you should play the dav after to-morrow.” * * * * A barrister, in arguing a eompli rated case, had looked up authorities dating back to .Tillius Caesar. He had dilated- on his subject for more than an hour, when he .was pained to oh, 'serve ; what appeared: to be', •inattention' on the part' .of ‘ tlie judge. whs as lie had feared; His Lordship was unable to appreciate the nice points of the argument. "Begging Your Lordship's pardon, ’ he said, "but do you follow me?” The judge shifted uneasily in his chair. "I have so far,” he answered, "but if I thought, I could find my waxback alone, I’d turn round' now.” sjc * * * That Reminds Me. Mrs Jackson—"To’ lazy loafer! S’pose I was too sick an’ couldn’t do washings, how would you live?” Mr Jack son —"All never thought ob dat, honey. All’ll hustle round tomorrow and git some health insurance on you.” Circumstantial Evidence. "Every time you arc naughty, 1 sc-em to get another grey hair,” said mother sorrowfully to her small daughter. "You sure must have been some child when you were little,” replied daughter. "Just look at Grandma.” Dripping, Perhaps, The wedding-present difficulty had resolved itself into the usual silver butterdish. "What shall I put on the card?”'she asked. “It’s not as though wo know them very well.” "Oh,” he grunted, without looking up from his paper, "put on it ‘For butter—of worse.’ ” Explain to Mother. The teacher was explaining to the class the meaning of the word “recuperate.” " Now, Tommy,” she said to a small boy, "when vour father has worked hard all day, he is tired and worn out, isn’t he?” "Yes, ma’am.” "Then, when night comes, and his work is over for the day, what does he d-o?” "That’s what mother wants to know,” Tommy explained.

After trying unsuccessfully to open the do,or of the pantry and reach the cakes, 'the small boy turned to Us brother and said: "It’s no use, Tommy. Xot one of those keys yviil fit.” "All right, then,” replied 'Tommy, resignedly, "we’ll wait until mother comes home and ask for something for being good boys.’*'

fJn'the course of nn argument, a Canadian informed an Englishman that the inhabit a tilslOf the Old Country were too reserved. "Oh “nonsense,” replied the Englishman. "Why, years ago. when 1 was in tho Cambridge •eight,’ I knew alt; the other fellows quite well ... thftt is, all excepting one, and he was -away up in’ the