HUMOUR—More or Less

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume LX, Issue 18064, 15 April 1933, Page 12

HUMOUR—More or Less

i-Thc visitor to the village was in the village shop and observed that the man behind the counter treated a young man with great respect. “'Who is that maul 7 ’ asked the visitor,-thinking lie must be a famous personality. “He’s one of the early settlers,” replied the man. “Early settlers,” asked the visitor, “but he can’t be abbve 30.” “That may be,” was the reply, “but he pays all his bills promptly on the first of every month; ’ ’ *4 * *

A naval officer on a country walk called at a cottage for a cup of tea. The door was opened by ex-Warrant Officer Jones, who had served with the

officer. Roth were delighted at mooting again, and .Tones explained to his visitor that he was coniiortably fixed, owned the cottage and a bit of land, his only expense being half a crown a week for a boy. f <Alil^ 7 said the Commander. “To clean your windows and brass ?’ ■’ ‘‘No, sir,’’ replied .Tones, “he calls me every morning at six and says, ‘Warrant Officer Jones, the Commander wants you.’ I says, ‘Tell the Commander to go to Halifax,’ and goes to sleep again.” - * • * '# * Tho music rose louder and louder, and the pianist worked himself into' a frenzy. Then, a!tor a great volume of sound, the music ceased abruptly. “You were quite right about ydqr playing, young man/' said the hostess. “I am glad you enjoyed it,” returned the player. “Yes,” continued the hostess, “you said you would rattle off a few things on the piano, and two of my best vases have already disappeared.” Pat and Mike were “broke,” and were wondering how they could get drinks without paying for them. ■Seeing the proprietor of a publichouse standing at the door, Pat had a brilliant idea, which he proceeded to explain to Mil?e. „ They went up to the.' public-housV proprietor, and fat ashed Kim hotv many pints there yere in a quart* “Two,” was the reply. “Oh, I always thought there were four,” said Pat. The two Irishmen then entered the public-house and made their way to the bar. Pat asked the barmaid for two drinks at the expense of the landlord. The barmaid refused to supply them until she had confirmation from her employor, who was still standing at tho door. “Two pints, ain’t it? o’’ 0 ’’ shouted Pat. to him. The proprietor nodded—and they got their drinks.

iitmiiiiniHitiiiiiiiiimiiMtiiHiimniiMiniMiiuMniiNnMil j “She says she thinks she can learn to love pie. ” ’ “Well, that seems encouraging—and still you don ’t look happy, y “No; I t,ook her out last night, and the first lesson cost’ me my" whole wepk’s wages. ” * # * * Parson: “Well, Mosp, ho.w is your better half this morning!” * . Mose: “She’s bettah, thanks, wh, but, Parson, yo’ shoT'is careless wif yo ’ fractions. 7 7 * * * * Dubious. ’ / “Scotland gayc whisky and golf to an appreciative world,’ ’ states an'adyertisemeut. Gave?—Punch. • * \ U* No Excuse. The writer of a pew popular song said that he composed the words and music in less thap an hour. It is no excuse. —Punch. Occasionally. An American film actress was applying for a passport. “Unmarried'?” asked the clerk. “Occasionally, ’’ answered the actress.—Montreal Star. Follow. f'What happens to the horses you follow, Albert?” “Oh, they usually follow the other horses.” DateCreditor: Look here, I can’t keep coming to your house every day for my mpney. Debtor: Well, I’ll tell you what. Suppose you call every other dayExperienced. When the colored couple were being married by the clergyman, and the words “Love, honor and obey” were spoken, the bridegroom interrupted. “Read that again, suh'. Read it once mo’, :sq?s de lady kin ketch de full solomnity ob de meaniaV I’se bepn married befoh.” batches. ■ . . The physician was giving an informal talk on physiology. “Also,” he remarked, “it has recently been found that the human body contains sulphur. ’! “Sulphur!” exclaimed the girl m the bluc-and-white blazer, ? * And how much sulphur is there, then, in a girlts body??’ * ’ “Oh 7 the amount varies,?? said the doctor, shilling. “Ah!” returned the girl- “And is that why some of us make bettor matches than others? Quite Safe.

Young Thing (after the third paging lesson): Do you think I might make use of my voice in public fpwl Musician: Yes, certainly. I SC§ no reason why you shouldn’t, say, join in the National Anthes.