HUMOUR MORE OR LESS

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume LV, Issue 17249, 3 May 1930, Page 10

HUMOUR MORE OR LESS

“How fast will your ear go?” “I really don’t know. I’ll ask ray son when he comes home some time.” * * * * Slow-witted. “Tommy, you had no good excuse for staying away from school yesterday. ’ ’ “Well, it ain’t my fault.” “It isn’t? Why?” “ ’Cause l done my best to think of a good one!” * * * * . Styles for Married Men. Flinfrazar (the barber). —Just trim the ends, 1 s’pose? 1 remember you said vour bride liked to toy with your crisp curls. Bouoscrnper (the bridegroom). — That was before we were married. Clip it close to the scalp so she can’t get a grip on it. •#* * * Her Linguistic Limit. Flora. —I’ve taken three lessons in Spanish from a correspondence school. Bora. —Really? Could you carry on a conversation with a Spaniard? Flora. —No, no, but I could talk to anybody else who bud three lessons. * •* * * Oversight. Air. Justice Swift recently said that the question of the wife having to live with her mother-in-law has animated society since the clays of Adam and Eve. He oinittled, however, to identify Eve’s mother-in-law. . • * * * * Foolish Questions. First Arother. —Did your daughter pass Her examinations? Second A[othcr. —No. They asked her questions about things that occurred before she was born. * * * * Service. A very rich and pompous man was staying at a small country hotel in England, and as he entered the break-fast-room the only other visitor rose from his seat. , “Bit down, sit down,” boomed the great and rich one, condescendingly. “Why?” asked the other. “Can’t I get some marmalade if I like?” ■*■*** The Only Way to Success. The story is told of Chief Justice W. 11. Taft making a rather unfortunate i error in opening his remarks to the I graduating class of an eastern college. He was called upon rather unexpectedly and lmd not chosen his theme up to the time of entering the assembly ball. As he went through the swinging door into the hall, the plate on the door with the worn “Push” attracted his attention and gave him the key-word for his address. “Gentlemen,” lie commenced, “before entering this hall 1 did not know upon what subject 1 should talk to you. As L entered, however, one word came to my attention that expresses aud embodies all the advice I could give you. It is the only thing by which you can attain success and the one thing which you, as men entering the world of business, must depend upon. You will find the subject of my talk printed on the door through which T entered.”

The audience turned and gazed with amusement and surprise at the plate on the inside of the door on which was printed in large letters the word “Pull.”