HUMOUR MORE OR LESS

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume LV, Issue 17185, 15 February 1930, Page 10

HUMOUR MORE OR LESS

- ' Young Alan: “How much do I J.iaw iov a marriage license?” °4tn gist rate ’a (,'ierk: “Five pounds i down and your entire salary each month lor tiie rest of your life.” * * * * Wife: “A poor woman eame to-day to ask for old clothes.” Husband: “What did you give her?” Wife: “That old suit you have had for ton years and the dress I bought lastNmonth. ’ ’ * * * * * ' FILL THE HOLES. An old lady who took a great [•;, interest in municipal matters was i,-.'-walking over a golf course and noticed The ’bunker's here and there. SJip wrote to the town council asking why they didn’t engage a number a mf. the unemployed to till in the many Irncs on" flic course, which caused the players-so much annoyance and indttO'tnl so much bad language.

■ WOMAN’S WEAPON. The opinion of the Secretary to the British Ministry of Health (Miss Susan- Lawrence), that women could be all-potycrful if they used the weapon God has given them —the tongue.—led to a series of sad reminiscences at the club. The churchwarden agreed with Bishop Berry, who said it was one of his saddest observations that a .scolding woman never grows hoarse. One of our most quiet members declared that lie had been talked to sleep. On waking in the morning his wife was still talking, and his question, “Mary, my dear, is it yet or again?” did not improve, matters.' A woman applied for a war-pension, on the. ground that, she and Her husband fought right through the war. '• When a little girl wrote that “bachelor ’ ’ meant ‘ ‘ a happy man ” slis assured her teacher that “father mud so.” Our medical member, irHo has looked at a lot of tongues, knows of no remedy. Ho once spent a holiday alone, and the aoasippv local paper announced: “Dr. 'is enjoying his stay with u>. "-to is a breezy man, and says and does just what lie likes. His wife is not. with him.” He told

of a sick man, recovering from an anaesthetic, saying, “Where am I? In heaven?” And his wife replied, “No, dear,'l am still with you.” “Any war reminiscences?” the returned soldier was asked. “No,” came the reply, “You see, I’ve only been married six months.” “Marriage is a lawful lottery,” said the lawyer. “And the unlucky husband takes , his misfortune like a man —he blames it on his wife.” ’** * * ' TRUTH. She was the complainant, and when the defendant’s clever young solicitor had cross-examined her for some time, she turned to the magistrate and explained: : “I did think, at first, of getting a lawyer like him pn my side. But then I decided I’d just state my own case, so that 1 could tell the truth.” She won. * * * * NO CHANCE. “Before long,” we read, “girls will be as truly feminine as ever they were.” it rather looks as though the girl ot‘ the next generation will never be the man her mother was.

OLD STUFF. Dentist: Now. I'm not going to hurt. New Patient: You can cut out the backchut, old man—l’m a dentist myself. SPECIALIST. Anxious Visitor: Do you realty think you can make me well, doctor? -Medical Man: AYitliout a doubt. Your case is just, my specialty. I’ve treated a patient for over twenty venrs who has exactly the same ailment. * * * * A SCOTCH DOUBLE. A .Sydney bumness man told a good story ol' his visit to the races the other day. With three friends, they adjourned to the buffet, and at hisrequest the trio immediately requested whisky. “What will you have with yours, Bill?” lie asked one. “Soda, please.” “And you, .Toe?” “Oh, water will do.” He came to the third —a Scotsman, “What will vou have with your whisky, Mac?” “If it’s all the same to you, I think I ’ll have a cigar.”

SIX MONTHS. “I always give a new song-hit six months,” says a critic. It usually deserves it, too. ti # * • ; CRIMES. ‘ ‘ Literary people rarely commit crimes,” says, a writer. Hp evidently doesn’t read many modern novels. *■■*** IN THE AY AY. Jack: AVliy do you address your husband as “Bunker?” Jill: Because lie’s always in the way. *.* . * a MISSING. Flapper: And next week I’m off to Paris to get; my clothes. Grandmother: Yes, yes. 1 wondered where vou \1 left them/- :