HUMOUR MORE OR LESS

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume LV, Issue 17116, 23 November 1929, Page 14

HUMOUR MORE OR LESS

OBJECTIVE. ' ’ ‘ ‘ Here, young man, you shouldn’t hit. that boy when he’s down.” “G’wan! Wlmt d’vou think I got him down l'or?” * * # * CONTRIBUTION. Caller: Will yon contribute something to the Old Ladies’ Home? Householder: With pleasure; help yourself to my mother-in-law. * * * OPINION. . Lawyer: Well, if you want my honest opinion Client: No, no. 1 want your professional advice. •> if ’)f • # SHORTER. i Bat: Which candle will burn longer —a wax or a tallow candle? •Mike: I suppose the wax candle. Pat: Neither of them, they both burn shorter. / * * * DATE. Husband: But, my dear, you've dated that letter .18th, and to-day is only the 7th. Wife: Yes, darling. I'm going to give it to you to post. ~ •' # .. *. WHY? Son (studying geography): Did you know, dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her? Dad: Why pick on Africa? * * # # TOO SLOW. Judge: Speeding, eh? How many times have you been before me? Speeded: Never, your honor. I’ve tried to "pass you on the road once or twice, but my bus will do only fiftylive. # # * * CRUEL. A Russian was being led off to execution by a squad of Bolshevist soldiers on a rainy morning. “What brutes you are,” grumbled the 1 doomed man. “to march me through a rain like this.” “How about us'”' retorted one of. the-squad, “we have to march back.” * * VETERAN UNDER FIRE. “Did you give the man the third degree?” asked the police officer. “Yes. We browbeat and badgered him with every question we could think of.” “What did he do?’’ .“He dozed off, and merely said now and then, 'Yes, my dear, you are perfectly right.’ ” * * * * FIRST PATIENT. The physician’s little boy was endeavoring to entertain a prospective • patient in his father’s office, and as they were looking at the skeleton in the closet, the nervous patient timidly asked: , ■ j “Where did vour father get that?” ! “Oh. he. has had that a 'long time,” quickly answered the little fellow. “That was his first patient.” ’ ■ THE AMERICAN TOURIST. 'The latest tourist story is that of ! the American woman who joined a group of admirers outside Notre Dame. one gazed at it earnestly for some 'time, apparently overcome by its beauty, when she suddenly turned to one of the part}'. “Say, folks,” she said enthusiastically, “have you any idea how much this church weighs?” * * * * IN DOUBT. It was aa exceptionally hot. and humid day, and Pat laid himself down : by the roadside to rest- Presently an old lady appeared, and looking sadly at the man, said: “Poor man, was*it.the heat overcame you?” Pat looked up, cutely, and with an eye to business responded meekly: “I ain’t quite sure, mum, whether it was the blissed ’eat or the drink.” * * * * * FRICTION. The statement in a missionary report that “the failures among semiclothed converts in Africa was due to their being weak-kneed, not becauso of any lack of faith,” reminds us of the colored preacher who told his congregation that they wore out the knees of their trousers with praying, and the seats of them wita back- j sliding * * * » . * ! EVIDENCE. i The lawyer had returned home after 'an important case in which he had J been defending a man charged with murder. “Ho was acquitted,” beamed the lawyer. “Wonderful! On what grounds?” “Insanity. I I proved that his father had spent five i years in a lunatic asylum.” “But he hadn’t, had he?” “Yes,” said the : barrister, “he was a doctor there; but I saw no need to bring that fact out.” ♦ * * * CONSOLATION. The picture on the screen showed a, poor old woman, cast off by her cruel children, trudging wearily along the l-oud. The pathos of it brought tears to the eyes of a well-dressed woman who sat with her little boy in one of the front rows. The boy heard his mother sob. “Don’t worry, nut, ’ he said comfortingly. ‘ ‘ When,l grow up to be a man I won’t let you go to the poor-house like that. ” i “Won’t you, dear?” she said. “What will you rlo?” i “I'll get you a taxi,” was his reply.