HUMOUR MORE OR LESS

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume LIV, Issue 16622, 14 April 1928, Page 10

HUMOUR MORE OR LESS

MISSIONARY'S MESSAGE. At'tor a riot in Foochow, China, the resident Methodist bishop there cabled homo',."Wife left for Manila. Everything.,quiot here." * •;:■ « * BLAMES PROHIBITION. The editor of a small town paper offered a prize for' the best answer to the query: "Have you benefited by prohibition'J" Among the replies received appeared the following: '."Yes£..iin.d no! For—although my husband has more change in his pockets—be doesn't sleep as soundly!," • * ■ • * « # •■■ The "following preserved extract from a love letter written homo to his wife by a soldier on active service will evoke memories in thousands of our former service men. "Don't Send me no more nagging loiters, Lottie. They don't do no good. I'm throe thousand miles away from home,', and I want to enjoy this war in peace." * » •:( * SHOCKED. Doctor —As I said, you've just regained .consciousness after the smash. I'm Dr. Peter, and Victim—Oh! For a second you gave mo a shock. I thought yon said you were St. Peter. %-* # * WARY SCOT. Glancing up at a sign in the washroom of a New York hotel, a Scotsman read. "No Gratuities." ' But going to wash his hands, he read {he words, "Tip the Basin." Apparentlv startled, he stepped back. "Aye," he exclaimed, "I thought there was a catch in it."

CUBED, ~ He had just hung out his shingle. That morning a stranger entered. The doctor asked to be excused as he hurried to the telephone. Taking down the receiver he said: '' Yes, .this is Dr. Whoosit. Yes, I. will be ready for you rtt 2.10 this afternoon, but please be prompt, for I am very busy. Two hundred dollars? Yes, that was the estimate I gave you." Hanging up the receiver he turned to the stranger and rubbing his hands asked: "Now sir, what can I do for you?" ' "Nothing," replied the stranger, quietly., "I only came'in to connect up the telephone."

... LIFE SIZE. The photograph of Signor Mussolini, measuring twenty feet by fifteen, which has been exhibited in Rome, is believed to be the first life-size portrait, of him that has been taken. — London Punch.

■■ , • . ;■* * * * SO DIFFERENT, i With a charming air of romance and pleasant sentimentality, the group of golfers was discussing in front of the huge club fire how each married man present first met his wife. Various tales were related until it finally came to Sheet's turn.. Now, Sheet was « much married man, and he looked it. • "And where did you meet your wife!" they asked him. Skeet blushed and looked very uncomfortable for a moment. Then- ho pulled himself together. "I didn't meet her," he answered, resentfully. "She overtook me;"

TURN ABOUT. Young Johnson got married. On his first pay day he gave his wife thirty dollars of his thirty-five dollar salary. The next week he-reversed the process. "But, George," protested his Wifn, "how do you expect me to get along on five dollars?" '■?' ''Hanged if I know,'' he replied, "I had a rotten time myself last week. Now it's your turn;"

EARNED, NOT BCWGHT. llow hard it often is to earn and maintain a good reputation, and how easy it is to lose one. As with a man's reputation so it is with other things in his life. Some things achieve a reputation which stays with them. They are founded on r intrinsie value. They face the public backed up by honesty, and work their way quietly and thoroughly. People want no better • proof of merit than is contained in the following experience:—' \"; . „ ~, Mrs.. R. J. Farmer, No. 5 Campbell Street, Port Ahuriri, Napier, says: "A member of my family suffered more or less from kidney trouble for some time, and was so bad with pains in the back that it was almost impossible to get about. Dizzy attacks were also rather troublesome, and there was a slight urinary irregularity that gave a little cause for worry. 80 much for the sufferincr, now for the medicine that made a cure—Doan's Backache Kidney Pills. A friend advised usi k» try these pills as she knew them to be really good, so we got some at once, nndby the time one bottle had been used a marked improvement was noticeable. .Needless to say we continued the treatment, and I am pleased to tell you that five bottles effected a complete and perfect cure. Doan's Backache Kidney Pills are worthy of high recommendation * and \ shall always have a good word for them.'' Fight years later, Mrs. Farmer says: "There has been no. return ■ of kidney trouble since Doan's Backache Kidnoy Pills effected a cure over eight years ago. We always keep a bottle of Doan's Pills in the house, and find, it a most valuable medicine to •'• • Bonn's BackacheKidnev Pills are sold by all chemists and storekeepers; Fos-ter-McClennan Co. t Proprietors, 15 Hamilton Street, Sydney, Bui, bo sure you (jet DOAN'S.