HUMOUR MORE OR LESS

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume LIII, Issue 16364, 11 June 1927, Page 8

HUMOUR MORE OR LESS

HK KNEW Two youngsters, full of enthusiasm and military ardor, joined tho local troop of Boy Scouts. The "scoutmaster" happened to be a woman. Slie was giving them points on the laws of the movementand what was expected oi* Boy Scouts generally. Endeavoring to make clear the law, "A scout's honor is to he trusted," thelady put a few questions to the juveniles. "Now, William," she said, "suppose I were, to put my hand* into someone's pocket, and take ouf some money, what would I be?" William cogitated for some moments, then, looking optimistically at the lady, said:

'please, miss, you'd be his wife.' a * * *

A CONFESSrOX

She let him in, and he, lounged with easy grace into the first chair that he came upon. "Ebbeth," he said, thickly, but with great earnestness, "Elqheth"—his wife's name was Elizabeth—"l've—l've got aquickened coshieise.'* "A what?" she asked. "A quickened coshience—-I've got a cflffossion t' make."

"You can nuke it in tho morning," she said, "I am going to bed." "No," he protested with much, vehemence, "Can't—can't—wait—can't go t' sleep 'itl\ W sload ommy. B«en carrying guilty secret too long." ' "What have you been doing?" she barked. "TelL me quick, for Heaven's sake!"

'"Sawful t'\ think 'bout it. V—y' wouldn't, b'iieve it of mei Ezbetli. I've tjeenr-=—-" "Speak!" shrieked th& almost frantic woman- "Speak! Tell me quick !" "Libbetli, he said, solemnly, "Libbeth, I'ver-rl've been drinking."

DUNEDTN PRESERVES ALL OHAK ACi'ERvISITCS OJj 1 SCOTS

Its a new story about Uunedin- Such have to be told with caution, for Dunedin grows very thin-skinned these days. A Dunedinite may tell, a story against himself or his city, but if an outjander grows too venturesome he is liable to be assaulted w.ith a pibroch or stabbed with a cairngorm or otherwise mutilated. But the story must be told all the same. A new arrival in the Dominion, wanting to learn the characteristics of all its parts before deciding where to settle, was cross-examining an inhabitant. "What soyt of a place is Dunediu?"' he ask«d. "Punedin?" was the answer. "Oh, ChatTa the place where they spend nothing but the evening!"

TYSON'S OFFER Millionaire "Jimmy" Tyson wasn't too regular a churchgoer when on the Warrego. Still he was much sought after by clergy of all denominations. One Christmas morning "Jimmy's" appetite was upset by a request from a priest jor L'JiQQQ to tmild a clinch "to save ||ia godless man. of the wi,lde?nesa!" "(Jiff c&wfully, saMh the Lo.rd.!" tba request ended. The day was scorching. A terrible thußdeyfitQriH; Jit up the Heavens. Tyson had never seen such vivid and menacing lightning, 'The text "Give cheerfully, saiith tbeLord." was disturbing the old inoneyb&S*-. He resolved to give something to the Church. The storm still raged; the chain lightning danced, W and out of the great forest trees and spat weird tongues at the old homestead "Pete," ho said to a drenched station hand, "ride through the storm to Father Murphy's place, and tell his reverence that I'll assist %hq> new church: the fury of this s.torm has moved me, Pete; tell the good father that, when the church is built he can put me on the list for a lightning conductor!"

"And tell Father Murphy,," ho added, "that FJI pass on that text, '(.live cheerfully' saith the Hm-d i" The churc.fi was never built for "the godless man of the wilderness," so Tyson was saved the expenditure upon* a lightning conductor.