HUMOUR MORE OR LESS

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume LII, Issue 17154, 2 October 1926, Page 11

HUMOUR MORE OR LESS

.DENIED THRICE. One of rho wittiest retorts over made in tlio. Federal Parliament, or in any Parliament, for that matter, was made by Mr W. M. Duplies in the early days of Federation. Mr Alfred Deakin. the protagonist of protection, bad formed a fusion with the Reid party, the upholders of free trade. Hughes wa ; , then, of eonrse, a Labor member. In a speech in the House of Representatives lie launched an attack on Donkin so vitriolic that the usually urbane Victorian grew indignant. Referring to one of the charges levelled against him by Hughes, lie stood in bis place and shouted, “I deny it—l deny it—l •deny it! ’' Hughes paused. His hand was to his ear. As he did not continue, the Speaker asked: ‘'Has the honorable member concluded his speech?” ‘‘No sir. - ’ replied Hilly, laconically, “I was merely waiting for the cock to crow!” * * * » ENCOURAGEMENT FOR GABRIEL. The late G. E. Marshall. United States Democrat, was noted for his eloquence. and was once addressing a big audience at, Buffalo. He had barely commenced when a man at the hack of the- hall interrupted with, "Louder! Marshall, louder!” The speaker cleared his throat and elevated his voice. But again came the appeal, “Louder! Marshall, louder!” Marshall paused, and in an impressive tone commenced : ‘When the sun shall cease to give light, when the stars shall fall from the heavens, the earth tremble and quake and the sea give up its dead, the pearly gates of paradise shall open, and Gabriel with one foot- on dry land and one on the sea, will sound the last trumpet that the earth shall hear." ‘•Then,” lie added, “some fool from Buffalo will cry, ‘Louder! Gabriel, louder!’’ There were no more interruptions. * * * * A SIMPLE QUESTION. A deep hush crept over the Supreme Court us the defending counsel rose to his feet. He had a simple question io ask the witness. “Did you. when you were crossing; the street and the omnibus was comingj down on the right side, with the purple taxi on the left and the motor car i trying to pass Ilie Ruts on the right,; see Iho plaintiff between the two or ihroe of the vehicles, motor ear, taxi or 'bus, nr either or which of them respectively?" • • • • A SILLY BIRD. A merchant sent home to his wife a very clever parrot. It arrived just before he himself was due, and on the same day his wife had gone out, ordered a chicken, and told the cook, “There is a bird coming for to-night’s dinner. Cook it.” The parrot arrived first, and was cooked. Then the husband arrived. “What’s this?’’ lie asked at dinner. The parlormaid explained the cook’s mistake. “This is awful,” said the merchant. “Why, the bird could speak eleven languages.” “Then why on earth didn’t it say something?” asked his wife. CONGRATULATING THE BOOBY. Airs Johnson’s great aim in life was to get her daughters married. She had. managed to get two off, but still had three left, and was beginning to feel rather anxious. Assiduously she chaperoned them to every society function that came within her reach, covertly she was searching for sons-in-law. One night she had been sitting up late at a bridge party. Her rubber was finished, and -she waited, chatting to her host, to take her daughter home. At last she came, with a young mail in her wake. “I’ve captured the booby, mother,” she said, nil smiles. “Oh, have you, darling,” was -Mrs Johnson’s radiant reply. “Come and kiss me, both of you.” * * * * HAD HER DOUBTS. A Sydney woman, whose maid had been with her for come time, was astonished when the other day the girl told her she was leaving to be married immediately. ■■ Why, Mary,” said the mistress, “ I had no* idea you were even engaged. Couldn’t- yoti put the wedding off until I get another maid?” Mary looked very doubtful. “ Well, I dunuo,” she said, slowly. “ I -don’t, think I know him well enough for that.” COST OF LIVING. An explorer from the wilds of Africa was being entertained at an Kdgecliffo party, where be was begged to relate some of his experiences. He complied with the request, and was soon the centre of an admiring crowd of friends. “In some of the villages,” he said, “ one may buy a wife for—in cur money—thirteen and' sixpence.” “ What ft terrible thing,” gasped one of the ladies.

“ Isn’t it.l” added 1 her husband. ■“ You wouldn’t think the high cost of living would affect- those races.”