HUMOR, MORE OR LESS.

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume L, Issue 16498, 2 August 1924, Page 4

HUMOR, MORE OR LESS.

SHE DID. Hewitt —That old maid landed a, husband at last: she married an aviator. Jewett.—She found, like others, that there is room at the top. >» # # A LITTLE ANCIENT. “Will vc be lookin’ here?” demanded a. Gaelic customer of the waiter. “This lobster do be after havin’ only one claw. ’ ’ “Aha!” explained the waiter, expert through long practice at this sort jof thing. “You see, lobsters often light with each other, and occasionally one loses a. claw.” “Alin, versclf,” replied Pat, pushing back his plate. “That bein’ the case bring me the winnner.” * $ * # WHEN THE WIND ROSE. Mrs. Willie—Don’t you know it’s very rude to whistle when you are waiting on a. lady? Grocer’s Boy—Well, the guv’nor told me to do it when I served you. Mrs. W. —He told you to whistle? Boy—Yqs’ni; he said if ever we sold you anything we’d have to whistle for the money. * * # * EXPLAINED IT. Mrs. Jones had in her employ a young Swedish maid who very- soon evinced signs of nostalgia. “You ought to be contented and not fret, for your old home, Hilda,” said the lady, as she looked at the dim eyes of the girl. “You are earning good wages, your work is light, everyone is kind to you, and you have plenty of friends here.” “Yes’m,” said the girl, “but it is not the place where I do be that makes me vera homcsecck; it is the place I don’t be.” B # * SOCIABLE. He was a, London eabdrivor of the old sort, called as a witness in an action for damages incurred in a street collision, and,, ignoring the jury, persisted in relating His version to the judge. Ultimately the latter stopped him and observed: “Address yourself to the jury.” So, turning awkwardly to the pew in which twelve tradesmen \snt scowling, die smiled, nodded reassuringly, and remarked: “Morning, gents; all well at ’ome, I ’ope?” CRUELTY. The tall, proud girl turned haughtily to the white-robed figure. “Have you no heart?” she asked in a low tone. “No,” he growled. “Well, give me ten cents’ worth of liver.” • # # • #. NO ROOM. “My dear,’ ’ remarked tjie young husband, “did you ever ask the milkman why there is never any cream on our milk?” “Yes, darling, and he explained' quite satisfactorily. I .think "chat it is a great credit to him. ’ ’ “What did ho say?” “That he always fills the jug so full there is no room for cream-,” *■. * >* * REPEATERS. Mrs. West--- The average woman has f. vocabulary of: only 500 words. Gordon —It’s a small stock, but think of the turnover! * «> # >» HIS BAD BREAK. “Mrs. Strong is fiercely angry with that society reporter.” “•What, did ho do?” ’“Announced in his report that Mr. Strong and his wife were present, instead of Mrs. Strong ami her husband.” # « * * . GOING SOME. The Lady—Oh, constable, 1 feel so funny! The P.C.—What’s the matter, madaine? Have you vertigo? Oh, yes, constable, about two miles! # # # e IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING. Mrs. Penny-father lives in the outer suburbs, and when she found that, lier little daughter had developed a temperature she decided to ring up a Macquarie Street specialist. “I’m so sorry, doctor,” she said over the ’phone, “to have to bring, you so far out, but my little-Merle is very ill.” , “Don’t mention it,” replied the doctor. “It so happens that T have to visit another patient in the same district, so I can kill two birds with one stone.”