CHEMICAL LOVE SCENES.

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume XXXIII, Issue 10830, 24 November 1906, Page 5 (Supplement)

CHEMICAL LOVE SCENES.

A PROPOSAL OF THE FUTURE.

CHLOROFORM SIGHS

If, as the cynics tell us, Aye are losing our capacity for emotion, the modern druggist can give us back all the outward signs of love, grief, anxiety, despair, and exultation, neatly compressed into tablets and capsules, at so much per dozen. This was made abundantly clear at the Medical Exhibition, which opened at the Horticultural Hall recently. lii formation gleaned from the mass of scientific "drugdata" m "Tlie Extra Pharmacopoeia," a new work exhibited on the stall of Messis W. Martindale, the publishers, make it clear that a love-scene of the following nature is quite possible m the near future: —

The blase wooer, fearing lest he should betray his boredom and hick of. emotion m the course of liis avowal, provides himself with portable chemical preparations wluch will give him a Romeo-like gamut of emotion.

On the doorstep of his ladylove's house he drinks a concentrated solution of glucose, and all appetite leaves him on the spot. He also rubs his face witii hydrogenperoxide from a small plual, and before he has fairly got his overcoat off he has developed a most interesting pallor. During dinner he sends away untasted course after course without a pang (thanks to the glucose). He also snaps a glass capsule of chloroform m his serviette before the ladies retire, and inhalation produces most lifelike sighs. CHEMICAL BLUSH. Later he lures the object of his chemical affections to the conservatory, and something like this happens : After a few minutes of chloroform sighs, he may venture on an aniyl-nitrite blush (glass capsule broken m handkerchief and inhaled). "Miss X," he exclaims — "may I say Ethel?" (At tliis point it is as well to swallow a few nitroglycerine chocolate tablets — strength, I.looth of a grain. The palpitation produced h> quite audible and highly recommended.) '"You must have long realised," he continues, "how deeply I admir_. you." (Chloroform sighs.) "Dare I hope that niy presence is not altogether unpleasinjr to you?" If the lady appears unmoved, a small capsule of the essential oil of mustard should be snapped m the handkerchief. It will cause a perfect flood of tears when inhaled.

Weeping copiously, the up-to-date swain continues : "My love for you has driven sleep from my eyes. (Caffeine.) Set my doubts and fears at rest. Will you be mine?"

The lover's next dose depends upon"*lhe lady's reply. If it is m the affirmative one or tw,o pills of muira-puama compound will produce a fitting feeling of exaltation, or if it is m the negative an inhalation of a capsule of ethyl-cldoride will produce total unconsciousness and an artistic swoon.

The chief drawback to tliis form of love-making- is that the presence on the spot ot a medical man is highly desirable, lest the unskilful self-««dministration of these drugs should result fatally.