Budget Humours.

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume XIX, Issue 6095, 16 June 1892, Page 4

Budget Humours.

No one would turn to a Budget—especially to such a drab-coloured Budget as Mr Goschen's last— for either humour, or philosophy, or intellectual nutrition of any sort. Nevertheless (aaya the Argus) the Budget speech of the English Chancellor of the Exchequer is really a very nutritious bit of literature, full of odd and significant hints as to the social habits, the material developments, and the general drift of the English nation. The public pocket in a word offers a curious and quite unexpected but very expressive picture of that most complex fact — the British Empire. The Euglish Budget undeniably has its humours. Mr Goschen, for example, wept through several paragraphs over one surprising villainy perpetrated by the publicans, which, it seems, bears the mystic name of "grogging." This crime, as described in solemn tones to the shuddering House of Commons, consists in pouring water into the empty spirit casks after they have been taken out of bond. This water dishonestly absorbs the spirit with which the cask is saturated, and so evolves an " a'coholic liquid " on which no duty has been paid. This process, which MrGoschendenouncedas "legalised smuggling," robs the public Treasury of £200,000 a year ; and amid " loud cheers " Mr Goschen announced that the " interesting process " of extracting say three gallons of proof spirits from an empty cask shall no longer be permitted ! The discovery that the British larrikin has a fiscal value, and has helped to smoke Mr Goschen into the possession of his modest surplus, must also be classed amongst the humours of the Budget. The tobacco duties yield this year nearly L 10.000.000 ; an increase of L 222.000, almost exactly Mr Goschen's surplus ; and Mr Goschen himself explains this by the circumstance, not that men 6moke harder, but that they smoke earlier than they used to do. The general precocity whiuh is the "note" of modern civilisation blossoms most vigorously at the point of the pipe ! Nearly one-half of the public revenue of Great Britain is yielded by the pipe and the beer barrel, and the British taxpayer, speaking generally, either smokes or drinks himself into a beatific condition of surplus. Out of a total public revenue of over L 90,000,000, tobacco and alcohol yield, roughly, L 40,000,000. Mr Labouchere wickedly says in Truth that " Mr Geseheu has just squeezed through by the aid of influenza, brandy, and tobacco " ; and it is a curious fact that the influenza did send up the probate dutie* L 358,000. A good rousing epidemic, in fact, is nearly as serviceable to the public exchequer as a great industrial revival,

In Sydney there is * Fresh Air League which has been established to war agftinst dirfc and disease j and to help towards this eni the funds are uaed to send away the respectable and deserving poor for four weeks during the summer months to the Moss Vale District. At Adelaide lately a test case was decided under the new Licensing Act, the question being whether certain clubs are ontitled to licenses. The magistrate decided that the liquor discovered on the German Club premises was being retailed illegally. Tho case has been taken to the Supreme Court. The " foorce " in Victoria must bft overstocked. A man named Storey, at Bendigo, convicted of the manslaughter of a constable, was let off with a fine of £25. Tencher (pointing to caricature of himself on blackboard): "Johnny, you are the best of my pupils. Say, who drew that horrid face on the board V Scholar : " Please, sir, my sense of honor forbids my acting the part of an informer unless you assure the perpotrator immunity from punishment." Teacher: "Ah, for your sake we will let it pass this time. Now, who was it?" Scholar: "I did it myself." He was a, Chicago grain speculator, and for a year past nothing had been coming I his way except expenses. Misfortunes never flock by themselves. One day his daughter informed him in a cold and unfeeling manner that if he did not give her a diamond tiara worth at least £300 Bpot cash she would elope with the coachman. "Come to my arms, my darling child," he exclaimed as the tears of joy coursed down his wrinkled cheeks ; " come to my arms." "Do I get the tiara?" she asked, hesitating ere she accepted his invitation. "Of course not," he smiled delightedly ; "you get the coachman. I owe him eight months' wages." That ended it.