FACETIAE.

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume VIII, Issue 1368, 9 July 1881, Page 2

FACETIAE.

Man get intellectually higher by getting lore. Alcohol will clean silver. Yes, alcohol well stuck to will dean out alt the silrer you hare got The shortness of lift ia very often owing to the irregularities of the fitter. •• Marriage is promotion," says George Elliot. She might have gone further, ! and said it is commotion. A country editor lately returned a tailor's bill indorsed, "Declined-hand-j writing illegible." The studio of a first-rate portrait ! painter must be a perfect bedlam, as it is so full of striking likenesses. Boring for water— " If you please sir, the man's called again for the watert^ rate tr , W Why does a sailor know theie U a man in the moon ? — Because he hati been to sea (see). A bear is a furry creature, but the | man who sells his skin is a furrier. Ladies, beware of the man with a I clove in his breath ; he may show the ; cloven foot one of these days. Why is flattery like eau-de-Cologne t — Because it is merely to be sniffed at, not swallowed. Paper is worth threepence a pound in Peru until it is made into money ; then it depreciates, adds a wicked financier, about fifty per cent. When you want coal, alw»yi deal with the man who has boy drivers. They don't weigh so much as men on the waggon. The woman who is exceedingly tweet to one's face and is very bitter behind one's back may be said to bear false sweetness against her neighbour. One of the favourite maxims of General Garfield is that " a pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck." On seeing a horse being whitewashed, a small boy asked, "Man, if you please, are you going to shave that horse ?" Never does a man believe so strongly in the attraction of gravitation as when he sits down in a chair and finds it gone. Officious barber : " Hair got very grey lately, sir ; would you like some of our patent hair dye V " Oh, no, thank you— grey hairs are honourable, you kotow." Barber : "Very true, sir — but not too many on 'em. "