TWITCHERLY'S TROUSERS,

Poverty Bay Herald, Volume VII, Issue 1071, 14 April 1880, Page 2

TWITCHERLY'S TROUSERS,

Mr. Twicherly was engaged to act as groomsman at the wedding of one of his most relentless friends on September 18 last, and with that view ordered a new pair of black trousers. On the morning j of the 17th of that month his new trousers came home from the shop, and he tried them on. They proved to be an inch too long, and he instantly took > them back to the tailor. To his dismay, he learned that the tailor was absent, and would not return until the next day ; whereupon he took the trousers home in a state of mind that could be more easily described than imagined, provided one knew exactly what that state of mind was. There were at that time in Mr. Twicherly's house his wife, his mother, five of his own sisters, and three of his unmarried ladies. They were all shocked when Mr. Twitcherly announced, with all the epithets and interjections that the most liberal system of morality could authorise, that his infamous tailor had made his trousers wholly impracticable. Little by little his affectionate relatives drew from him the full story of his wrongs, and they were overflowing with sympathy when he left them to go to his business, remarking that as it would be out of taste for him to attend a wedding without trousers, it would be impossible for him to act as groomsman. No sooner had he closed the door than his affectionate wife stole quietly into the room, cut off what her liberal feminine imagination regarded as [an inch from the bottom of his trouserj-legs, and sewed them up again with great neatness. It took her only a few minutes to achieve this labour of love, and she felt that she had done nothing more than it was her duty to do as a faithful and devoted wife. A little later it occurred to Mr. Twitchery's mother that she would just run up stairs and shorten her son's trousers. Like her daughter-in-law. There was nothing mean about her conception of au inch, and when her charitable work was done the trousers were fully four inches shorter than when they left the tailor's shop. After the mother came the sisters and sisters-in-law. One by one and with the utmost secrecy they attacked the unfortunate garment with a boldness that, in view of their utter want of practical acquaintance with trousers, was really remarkable. Each was determined to give Mr. Twitcherly an agreeable surprise, and, therefore, took great care that no one should know of her sartorial devotion. Five sisters and three sisters-in-law are eight female relatives. Allotting only one inch of trousers to each ; we may assume that their united efforts shortened the trousers eight inches previouslycut by Mrs Twitcherly's mother. There is not the least doubt that, had the owner of the trousers examined them when he returned home on the evening of the 17th of August, he would have been very much surprised. It so happened that he did not examine them. The tailor had unexpectedly returned, and to him Mr. Twitcherly hastily sent the trousers, with a note expressing the opinion that in the point of intelligence he waa inferior to the brutes that perish, and ordering him instantly to cut an inch from each trousers' leg. The tailor was a quick-tempered man, and after informing his assistant that Mr. Twitcherly was a combined idiot and maniac, besides being weak-minded, he obeyed the order, and sent the remnant of the trousers home. The next evening, about half an hour before the wedding was to take place, the Twitcherly's household was horrified to see Mr. Twitcherly rushing into the street dressed apparently in a short pair of black "trunks," and howling for blood. He has not since been seen, but the body of the man who had apparently died from an apopletio stroke,

was found the next day stretched by the side of his cold and useless " goose." This anecdote is but one of many which illustrates the sufferings wrought by affectionate friends. Let us hope that it may do its part in strengthening us to endure our friends no matter how many and how affectionate they may be.