Editor's Wallet

Otago Witness, Issue 3859, 28 February 1928, Page 83

Editor's Wallet

NON SINE FLORIBUS. Death, in tangled forest ways Stalking, many a quarry finds: Flank-torn deer in covert hid; Pallid fish where river winds; Owl, that looked askance on death In the grass below him, now Severed from his chilly breath; Bear that falls on deeper sleep Than he knew the winter long; Bird that pours libation '“rare Mingled of his life and song. Life spent warmly ebbing now Prodigal in streams of red: Bright eyes brighter than their wont With the final agony: Hunger-bitten frames and gaunt Stilled at last, and hearts gone dead, Emptied of their byForest requiem be’ yours At your dying! May you fall On soft mosses pricked with stars, Under bracken’s waving fronds, Under beeches, under tall Pines that murmur endlessly. You that shall not live again God rest you, merry gentlemen! — Helen Coale Crew, in Scribner's. THE WRONG SONG. An Irishman, newly appointed clerk in -s county court in California, where there many Chinese, was ordered to suma witness to the box. Call for Ah Song! ” was the command. Pat was puzzled for a moment. He glanced slyly at the judge, and then, turning to the spectators, said, blandly: “ Gentlemen, would any of you favour his Honor with a song? ” QUEEN VICTORIA AND MOZART. Lady Ponsonby was for a long period Maid of Honour to Queen Victoria, and always remained a close friend of her Majesty. It happened that Lady Ponsonby had the same music mistress as the Queen (says the book “ Mary Ponsonby,” dealing with the court of Queen Victoria). This lady was a martinet, and always refused to answer any call until she had finished the piece she was playing. “ The dinner bell would ring, a quarter of an hour—half an hour —woul_d pass, and then the footman would appeal To her children. Would they remind her that dinner was ready? Her answer to the remonstrance was usually, ’ 1 cannot come now till I have finished the andante.’

“Always late, if not much too early, but never in time. When she was with the Queen everything gave way to her desire to please. But even then she resisted getting up from the pianoforte before the end of her practice. She was quite as strict with her Majesty as with me. ‘ Dear madam, you really must do that passage again; it is so impertinent to Mozart to libel it so.’ ” THE “ YES ” MAN. “What do you think of my plan? ” asked he Who said he had come as a friend to me, And, hearing him through, I said, “ ’Twon’t do! In my opinion it isn't, fair,” And I knew I had lost my friend right there. I knew by his looks as he went away I hadn’t said what he had wished I’d say. •(Line another with friendship’s plea. “ What do you think of my plan? ” asked he. “It’s fine,” said I. Though I told a lie, And he shook my hand as he went away. For I’d said the things that he’d wish I’d say. But I knew I had lost him just the same, For his plan must fail, and I’d get the blame. Good friend, ask only the truth from me. My praise I’ll give as your worth I see. But don’t seek me out In your time of doubt If flattery’s all that you care to hear. If the truth will hurt you. don’t you come near For no friend is he who to please his friend •Says “Yes” to a plan that he can't commend. — Edgar A. Guest, in Tit Bits. WISDOMETTES. Order is heaven’s first law. All’s fair in love—even a plain girl. A rolling stone pleases no boss. Out of difficulties grow miracles. \ Where sleepiness is bliss, ’tis folly to ■ arise. Whatever enlarges hope will exalt courage. A kiss may be heard, but should seldom be seen. If a man be endued with a generous -anind, this is the best kind of nobility. “THE CAR’S UPSTAIRS.’’ One of the most novel features about -the mew wonder-theatre which is in course of construction near Piccadillj’ Circus, London, will be the addition of a sixstorey building in which some 500 playgoers’ cars can be accommodated during performances. The basement and the third and fourth floors will comprise the garage section of the building, cars being transported aloft by means of swift and powerful lifts. When reserving seats for the show patrons -can, at the same time, book “ stalls ” for their motors. ©there features of the new theatre are .a restaurant-club, with a ballroom for -2690 dancers, a grill room, and cabaret -entertainments.

BIRDS. There in my garden, they come every day; The one tells the other, and all know the way. They twit on the tree-top, they chat on the wall, For here they can always find bread for them all. The cheeky brown sparrows swoop down from afar, Like wee feathered arrows, the rogues that they are! And shrill-throated starlings who nest overhead, And robins, the darlings, in waistcoats of red. My dear, hungry birdies, some big and some small, That twit in the tree-top and chat on the wall; In winter afid summer, they come every day. For one tells the other, and all know the way. — J. E. P. F., in Answers. RESOURCEFUL. •• When I was only a lad,” continued the millionaire, who was telling his fellow club members at their annual dinner some of the troubles of his earlier life, “ I walked to Devonshire. I found a job, and, after five years’ hard work, managed to save enough to buy a bicycle.” There was a gasp of astonishment from the listeners. “ Not long after this,” began the other afresh, “ I got a letter from home. Mother was very ill. So I jumped on the bike and rode into London just in time to hear the doctor say that- the fresh air of Devon was the only thing that would save mother.” His audience gasped. “ You didn’t take hoi- back? ” they said. “No.” said the millionaire; “I dragged the old bike in, let the wind out of the tyres, and mother’s alive to-day.” CHANGING—YET UNCHANCED Though people fly the broad Atlantic As if it were indeed a pond, While others strive at making frantic Excursions into the beyond; Though wireless bridge the sundering ocean. And o’er long leagues we yet may see, This dear old world, I have a notion. Is much like what it used to be. And should I seek, a little later. The city in an aerobus. The change would doubtless seem far greater Than what it really was to us. I’d have to toil, as I’m a sinner. Whatever Progress cared to do: For I should have to earn our dinner And you would have to cook it, too. And still, whatever cynics utter, There will abide unchanged, I know. Beside the tight for bread and butter, The things we know of long ago. Yes. though our savants, wise and clever. Should cause the very heavens to fall Love will abide with us for ever. The dearest, greatest force of all. — C. E. 8., in an exchange.

IMPOSSIBLE. ’■ Won't you buy this lovely manicure set. sir?” asked the lady stallholder at a charity fair. The man glanced carelessly at the dainty, article, and decided that it would be very expensive. " 'Well,” he said. “ I’m afraid it wouldn't ' be much use to me.” “ But won't you buy it,” pleaded the woman. “ for the lady you love? ’’ For a moment he thought he was properly caught. Then he had a brilliant idea. “ I couldn’t do that,” he replied. " You see. I’m married.” THE SONG OF WANDERING AENGUS. I went out to the hazel wood. Because a fire was in my head. And cut and peeled a hazel wand. And hooked a berry to a thread; And when white moths were on the wing, And moth-like stars were flickering out, I dropped the berry in a stream And caught a little silver trout. When I had laid it. on the floor I went to blow the tire a-fiame, But something rustled on the floor, And someone called me by my name; It had become a glimmering girl With apple blossom in her hair. Who called me by my name and ran And faded through the brightening air. Though I am old with wandering Throw hollow lands and hilly lands, I will find out where she has gone. And kiss her lips and take her hands; And walk among long dappled grass. And pluck till time and times are done The silver apples of the moon, The golden apples of the sun. —W. B. Yeats, in Letters and Arts. PREPARED. A stage manager was rehearsing a crowd scene for a new play. After he had directed the men who had been selected for the scene, he told them to 1 report at the theatre that evening, adding: " This scene takes place in Russia, and I want all you fellows in fur overcoats.” “ But I haven’t a fur overcoat,” protested one of the actors. “ That’s not my business,” replied the stage manager. “If you’re not dressed for Russia I won’t let you go on.” The actor arrived at the theatre that night—but without a fur coat. ' Didn’t I tell you I wouldn’t let you go.on hnless you were dressed for Russia?” said the stage manager. I’ ve g°t 011 two sets of u»der- , wear,” protested the actor.

SIGNS AND SOUNDS. There is a new “ attraction ” among the flashing signs at Piccadilly Circus —known to the facetious as the Scotsman’s kinema —in the shape of an amplified gramophone which discourses music while a negro performer outlined in coloured lights goes through the motion of playing on a banjo (according to the Morning Post?). This may be all very well for the patrons of free entertainment, but it suggetss a new terror in the way of advertising. What if every sign which commends the virtues of a motor car. a cigarette, or a brand of mountain dew should at the same time discourse upon the merits of the article in question in the voice of a Stentor ? k ancy being assailed as one nassed a milliners with a magnified coo: “My dear, do look at these hats! Aren’t they too perrectly sweet! ” Unless the law steps ,in to protect us, we shall come to that in time. THE INNOCENT. As the happy couple ran blithely down the. church steps and climbed into the waiting car the bells pealed out their song. The radiant bride snuggled closer t > the man of her heart as the ear. gathering speed, rushed northward to St. Paneras. and murmured: "Oh, George dear, just fanev. we’re realiy married at. last. And how shy and timid I was when we first met! ” “ Shy ?” gasped' the bridegroom. " Shv? I don't remember you being shy. Wliy. kissed you for. the first time you lilted your face up six times in succession! His bride blushed, tor she remembered the occasion quite well. " Yon didn’t understand, silly.” she explained. “ I was too shy to stop you.” TRUTHS. LORD DEWAR'S DICTA. Pearson’s Magazine has been making a collection of Lord Dewar’s epigrams. Appended are a few of them: — Many a man sets out to leave footprints on the sands of time, and onlv succeed. 9 in leaving finger-prints at Scotland Yard. When a man says his word is as •mod as his bond, get the bond. Some men electrify their audiencesothers only gas them. Talk is cheap until it gets into love letters. The road to success is filled with women pushing their husbands along. Love is an ocean of emotion enti-I surrounded by expenses. The quickest way to learn the latest dance motions is to turn over a beehive nt a ballroom. The first intimation in the Bible of Broadcasting was when Adam gave a spare part which developed into a loudspeaker. You cannot blame a girl who pays 30s tor a pair ot silk stockings showiii" 2Ss wortn of them. Ihe_ clothes that make the woman are the clothes that break rhe men. Doctors must be in a dilemma to know where to vaccinate to-day to prevent the marks showing. We have a great regard for old age when it is bottled. Ihe .man to-day who hides behind a womans skirt is not a coward; he is a magician. ’ 15,1 >n-d- >Ine n ¥ ! ” arc bor “ “ ootl - and others make good.

Avoid the man who will not stop to in ]ife < Og P lt ' HC laS ,Of!t all IN THE LIMELIGHT. Don't switch the lights o> yet. There's magic in the glow Of firelight half revealing Q'ta shadowed world and half concealin'I like it better so. Like little leaping elves The nimble flames arise, Dancing ever quicker While I see their ceaseless flicker Reflected in your eyes. " The twilight fades to night, And, soft and low, your voice, Sweeter than music hidden ’, That charms the listener’s ear unbidden, Alakes all my soul rejoice. This is the lovers’ hour. The world seems far away, x O! may your heart grow tender, And may my lips have power to render All that my own would say. — Q- ®- 8., in Home Chat.

IN A FOG. During the fog that astonished the country because it did not reach London a motorist decided that his safe course was to keep on the tramway lines and follow a tramear. stopping when it stopped. The plan worked well until there came an unusually long pause. Then a voice came out of the fog, asking the motorist, " What are you wanting here? ” “Where are we now?” inquired the motorist. And the reply came: "You’re in a tramcar depot.”—London Evening News. SO SILLY. " Darling. ’ he asked, as he drew her closer to him, “am I the only man you have ever kissed? ” "William.” she replied. somewhat testily, “ before we go any farther 1 would like to ask you a few questions. You are aware that my father is a millionaire, aren’t you?' " Y-yes." ” Yoh understand, no doubt, that when lie dies the whole of his fortune will be left to me?” " Y-yes.” ■’You know that I also own nearly half a million pounds’ worth of property? " Y-yes.” "Then for goodness’ sake, talk sense! What difference would it make to you if I ha<l been kissed by a thousand men before I met you? ” THE THERMOS FLASK. Now that, the thermos flask generally has become so cheap that it is within reach of anyone, it is regrettable that any other form than the tin bottle is so expensive as to preclude its purchase by all and sundry (says a Manchester writer). In America where much water drinking is a necessity in view of central heating and climatic reasons, the thermos flask is freely used for cold as well as for hot drinks. There is usually one by the bedside, and very often in other rooms as well. If the water is iced it thus remains iced, and if it is just the ordinary temperature it. stays fresh and cool, and has none of the stale taste of water kept in the ordinary bottle. Water, in short, is treated as a real drink, nor. because it costs nothing, is it held to be unworthy of appetising treatment. The flasks themselves are made in charming shapes and colours. Many of them look like coloured enamel: some of them are bright silver. Others have designs painted on them. In shape they often follow the old designs of the Greeks or Egyptians, regard being had to the necessity for the small bottle-neck which shall enable it to be tightly corked. A general shape is that of a bottle of Australian Burgundy. SIXPENNY SPECTACLES. The habit of buying sixpenny pairs of spectacles from heaps on the counters of multiple stores after merely “ trying on,” which is deplored in the report on the Optical Practitioners (Registration) Bill, is not merely a desperate resource of the poor (remarks an Evening Standard writer i. I know one elderly lady of culture who buys these sixjiemiy spectacles as one might buy match boxes, and distributes them about her house to save herself the labour of carrying a pair. My observation of such cases diminishes surmise at the statement that a million -sixpenny glasses are sold in a year. Germany. I suppose, has the high'-' proportion of eyeglass wearers, the United States the next, and England the third. In France and Spain the proportion is much lower, the reason being, doubtless, that those countries have fewer and less enterprising opticians. DOPING PIGEONS. The problem of catching street pigeons in order to thin them out was solved rather ingeniously about 20 years ago. a correspondent reminds me (says a Dailv News writer). by a London vicar—a wellknown temperance worker—who employed an old poacher’s dodge. His trouble was to get rid of the pigeons that nested in and overcrowded the exterior- recesses of bis church. So he sprinkled in the churchyard a quantity of maize which had been well soaked in rum for 24 hours. The pigeons ate it greedily, and their capture was rendered easy. It was said that one intoxicated pigeon was found staggering up the middle aisle of the church with a pronounced hiccough. but the vicar declined to corroborate the scandalous suggestion when questioned by i»y correspondent.

PEARLS FROM MUSSELS. If you have mussels for supper you may find a pearl in your meal. This was the experience of the wife of a Port Talbot dock policeman recently. The pearl was about the size of a pea. and an expert to whom it was submitted said it was of considerable value. The mussel came from Swansea. At one time there were pear! mussel fisheries in both Scotland ami Ireland, and Scottish mussel pearls particularly were in great demand,. The pearl mussels, which are a fresh water variety, are found mostly in mountain streams. Yow. however, the mussel is rather neglected as a source of pearls, though there are still pearl mussel fisheries in Sweden. As a general ride, however, the mussel pearl cannot compete with that obtained from the oyster in either beauty or lustre, and since the development o'l the pearl fishing industry in Eastern waters, the " home-grown " article has gone out of favour. LOST HIS BAIT. Alas and alack for the tragedies of this humble life! Bob Shepherd has been covered with gloom of late. .. . s up. Bob? ’ asked, his best irmnd. "Has the lovely Laura decided she van live without you?” "Woman,” exclaimed Bob bitterly, “is a delusion and a snare. She never said ■’No' until I'd spent my hist pennv on her! Ihere was <t pause in the conversation as each considered this bitter accusation. _ Then the silence was broken. Yever mind, said his friend cheertally, " there s as good fish in the sea as ever came out of it. you know.” t( '' True enough.” agreed the other wearily. " But what’s the good of that when vou’ve used al] your blinkin’ bait? ”