SUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 3494, 22 February 1921, Page 46

SUN AND FANCY.

Pa, what is a repartee?” ‘‘As a rule, my son, it is an insult with its Sunday clothes on.” trade l'!;io 11 Official: “Strike, and the world strikes with you.” Would-be worker: "Work, and I work alone.” He: 'Please bo candid, and tell me when you want me to go.” She: “It’s t couple of hours too late for that- now.” Nobbs : “What are aigrettes Hill.'' Mr Nobbs: “Things them sissietv women send when they can't go to a party. f Flora: "How very sympathetic Mrs Hrooks is! Dora: “Yes; she is never i la PPy Uli.ess she is feeling sorry for someone , G ttng: “ U hen are a man’s salad ciays t Parsons: “When he is most particular about his dressing— and green in liis judgment!” Smart; “Everybody should know his » a ion in life.’ Veritas: "Yes, because if tie ns carried past he’ll probably have to walk back !” . Baldwin: “There’s one advantage golf has over footban.” Marston : “Wluit’s that.' . "You don’t have to take your wife 10 see iP played.” Clown: “What became of the ventriloquist vou used to employ?” Circus Manager: “Oh, he found he could make more money selling parrots.” , ~ What s the hardest thing about rollerseating when you’re learning?” asked a ,4?, ltat n n = y? un ß' man of a- rink instructor. lh °, floor, answered the attendant. , i ~ o ' s a story,” sighed the sentimental flapper. ' Yes, dearie,” replied her mend. “It s a story you seem to divide into Chap one,’ ‘Chap two,’ and so on.” Ine Bloiic.e : “Going to wed that chap, or leave him and then sue him for breach of promise?” The Other: “Oh, I might as well have ail his money. i’ll marrv him. Gladys.- “Well, dear, did you have a good fortnight at the seaside?"’ Marie: leather! 1 was given seven engagementrings and only had to return three of them. They were engaged. “Life.” she <=md as she arose from the piano-stool, "will be ?£?, “"S’ s ' v cet song after we are married.” -that settles it, then, ’ firmly responded hei lover, as he took his hat and his departure. , Oldun: "I hope you and vour husband live happily together?” ‘Mrs btrongnimd : "I should say we do. I’d just lute to seo him try to live unhappily with me ! " Colonel (who suffers with corns): Look here, sergeant, I believe you have a man named Smith who is a chiropodist?” Sergeant: “Misinfoimed, sir—’e’a Church of England.” A was questioning his patient's wife: Does vour husband grind his teeth m his sleep ; “Goodness me, no!” was the reply. "I never allow him to wear them m bed. doctor.” . Pevliter: “Bradleigh claims that he moves in tile best circles ” Mnmm- -y 0 .

and it lie slopped moving in circles, and tried working straight ahead, he’d find himself much better off.’’ Harold: “It says in this paper that a man fell three hundred feet off a chimney !’’ George: ‘Was he hurt?’’ Harold (sarcastiealjy) : ’Er—no ! But I believe he complained of a slight headache.” Gentleman (being met at station bv manservant): “So you had trouble in findi»ig me. 1 fidu t your master give von a do scripiion of me?” Footman: “Yes, sir; hut there are so many gentlemen here with red noses.” Jack: “The man who stole from that Scotsman was arrested lasi night.” Harry: A man who s clever enough to steal from a Scotsman ought to have been clever enough to have eluded the whole police force of London 1' ~He: “That largo picture in the solid gold frame is a genuine Rembrandt.” She • ‘ Ain ’t it grand! And what is that one?’'’ He: "Oh, that is a real Rubens.” She: I retry, ain’t it? Were they both painted by the same man?” First Tramp: “I was a gentleman once, and my boots used to shine ” Second 1 ramp : “And now, to-dav, old chum, you’d bo pleased if onlv the shine from the arm of your coat could be transferred to your boots !” ‘ He stuttered hopelessly and was inclined to be very touchy and irritable .about it. “Were you born with that stutter?” tactlessly asked a. friend one day. “X-n-no. you d-d-darned f-f-fool!” he retorted, “f o-o-only acquired it w-w-when I 1-1-learnt to t-t talk.” —An old woman was holding forth on the benefits of the old-age pension. “Per haps," said •a- sarcastic listener. " Lloyd George will soon send you a first-class ticket to Heaven. Well. -aid she old woman, at any rate lie’s made the waiting room very comfortable.” “When I’m a man,” proudlv declared young Pcrcival. _ "I'm going to bunt for treasure ! . W hat sort of treasure, my noy; said Ids fatlior. Horoival ivns thoughtful for a moment. Then ho said : “I’m going to try and find out where Methuselah hid his birthday presents.” 1 “Ary friend, have you over done anything to make the community the better for your living in it?” ‘T have done much, sir.” replied the other earnestly, “to mirifv the homes of my fellow men.” “Ah.” said the solemn one, rubbing his hands, “do von distribute tracts, may I ask?” “No; T clean carnets!” Frederick was sitting on the kerb, erving, when Biilv name alomr and asked him what was the matter. “Oh. T feel so bad ’eanso Major's dead my nice old collie!” sobbed Frederick. "Nonsense !” said Biilv “My grandmother's been dead a week. and von don’t catch me crying.” Frederick, looking uia at Billy, sobbed despairingly: A es. but you didn't raise- your grandmother from a pup.”