PASSING NOTES.

Otago Witness, Issue 3398, 30 April 1919, Page 3

PASSING NOTES.

CFiojb Saturday's Daily Tmi«i.) That blessed word "self-determination" —President Wilson's word—may not have been fashioned for our undoing, but was ■certainly destined to bring us trouble. Political malcontents among the Eastern peoples who grow sleek and fat under British rule there* always are and -have been. Bub why do they break out in riot and murder Avhen. British military strength is at its greatest? Surely they have chosen their time ill. It is true that Mahometan populations in Egypt and in India will view with no satisfaction the ruin of the Turkish Empire. It will not please them to see the British flag patrolling in ownership the Tigris and* the Euphrates, floating high afc Bussorah and at Bagdad, at Jerusalem and at Damascus, the cross overtopping the crescent. But those same populations are abundantly aware that just now the British have more soldiers than ever before, and more guns. It follows that their hope is not in riot and murder; their hope is in the Peace Congress and President Wilson. "Let us kick up all the row we can," — say they; —"now is the time ! —Let us make an uproar that will reach to Paris." And so from Egypt, from India, from South Africa —where Hertzog and Company would restore Boerland to the rule of Krugerism and Ancient Night—there goes up a cry, with Sinn Fein to lead the tuneful choir, —a protest against British oppression. What inspires is—" selfdetermination," and the fancied prepotency of President Wilson.

Epidemic, pandemic, or -what other -demio form there be—" self-determina-tion " catches and spreads like the influenza. Remote Samoa, lonely, sea-girt, where nothing ill should come, showed symptoms the other day;—attack light, it seems, and recovery reported. SouthWest Africa—German that was, British that.is, the prize of General Botha's bow and spear —has sent forward a petition claiming " in the exerciso of its right of political' self-determination" that it be allowed to become "a Republic in communion with the Republic in Germany." In the words of a South African press correspondent this is "the hardiest example of Teutonic mendacity the war has produced." For "Teutonic mendacity" substitute "Teutonic impudence," and. you

have it. From Gibraltar to Hong Kong, through Malta, Aden, Singapore, stretches a line of British war posts capable, each one, of demanding along with India and Egypt " self-determination." Should things go thus awry, there is a reserve of British determination, unexhausted and inexhaustible, on which we shall have to draw. Ours is the white man's burden. Take up the "White Man's Burden. — Aaid reap his old reward: The blame of those ye better, The hate of those ye guard— The cry of host 3 ye humour (Ah, slowly!) towards the light: "Why brought ye us from bondage, Our loved Egyptian night?" Taken it up we have—this burden, and wo shall not unworthily lay it 6own.

It is on Port Chalmers rather than on Paris and the Peace Congress that' the eves of mankind should be fixed just now. The vital question for the human race is, Who shall be Mayor of Port Chalmers? From his pulpit on Easter Sunday the R.ev. A. Whyte said that " as the apostolical successor of the Rev. Dr Burns he hoped to carry to the poll those who were ready to vote for God and the King." " One party, whatever its camouflage, was. the Bolshevist Party. The other was the Old Otago and Philip Laing Party of Empire, loyalty, and public safety."

It was known throughout the country that at Port Chalmers this Bolshevist *element was face to face with the faithful Scottish and Philip Laing element. If the Bolshevist element returned their candidate to the Mayor's chair all the Bolshevist forces in the country would shriek their applause, and say: " After Port Chalmers, then Parliament; and then the domination of Australasia and the world."

Prodigious! My desire is. for an increase of faith. " Port Chalmers" —said Mr Whyte—"was the heart of Otago." It was there that the Otago block was bought from the Maoris. It was there that Captan Cargill as~ civil head of the colony boarded the newly-arrived Philip Laing and " delivered an installation address whose noble periods made a Magna Carta for their Scottish settlement." Let us think on these things. Port Chalmers may or may not be the heart of Otago, but' I am willing to believe that the Ark of the Covenantvis there, and that Mr Whyte is able to keep a watchful eye upon it, — The poet's eye, in. a fine frenzy rolling.

Along with other honest citizens I am all for backing up the Eev. Mr Whyte against Bolshevism among his waterside workers. Early in the war he was "assured" by one of them that "the war was a capitalists' war, that it had no interest for the people, and that the people would be as happy under the rule of the Kaiser as under that of the King." Identical assurances were given to the Hon. G. W. Russell the other day by malcontents in Christohurch. These Germans out of Germany should be* sent away with their fellow-Huns now being repatriated. They would not find the Kaiser at home; but what they would have found when the Kaiser was at home Mr Rudyard Kipling packs into a sentence: —"Eighteen hours' a day forced labour under the lash, or at the point of the bayonet, with a dog's death and a dog's burial at the end of it." When masters for a time of North Italy the Germans put forth a proclamation: All workmen, women, and- children over fifteen years old are c-bliged to work in the fields every day, Sundays included, from 4 a.m. to 8 p.m. Disobedience will be punished in tho following manner: — 1. Lazy workmen will be accompanied to their work and watched by Germans. After the harvest they will bo Imprisoned for six months, and every third day will be given Nothing But Bread and Water. 2. Lazy women will be obliged to work, and after tho harvest receive Six Months' Imprisonment. 3. Lazy children will be punished by Boating. Tho Commandant Reserves

the Right to Punish Lazy Workmen With 20 Lashes Daily. Bolshevists at Port Chalmers with German leanings—if there are -any—will read, mark, learn, and inwardly digest.

From Whetukura, Hawke's Bay: Dear " Civis," —From a paragraph in the Dannovirko Evening News it seems that had prohibition been carried we should still have had " liquor " with us —New Zealand girdled by floating aalgons on the sea, and (in time) possibly in the air: "In the event of prohibition • being carried for the Dominion two welt known hotelkeepers in Napier (say ■ the Herald) are said tpvhave decided upon the chartering of a small vessel which will be anchored just outside New Zealand —i.e., outside the three-mile limit, and a ferry service, instituted from the shore." Three miles out to sea for a drink, and three miles back, —I dareeay there are people who would face it. But it would depend a good deal on trie weather. What may be taken -as certain, however, is that outside the three-mile limit there would be an active trade with sea-going ships. If it is possible to coal at sea, it is possible to liquor up at 'sea. a supply ship three miles out from Godley. Head the Cook ; Strait ferry boat take aboard what she wanted, and would discharge surplus stores into a similar convenience three " miles from Pencarrow Light. Quite simple, quite legal, and modifiable to suit cases and circumstances. Here let me note that the Society of Friends in America, though tolerant of "Quaker Oats," are unable to stand " Quaker -Whisky," even when qualified by the flattering addendum r< "honest as its name." They ask for legislative interference. If " Quaker Whisky, honest as its name" is allowed as a liquor"trade mark, imitations will follow —e.g. : Baptist Beer, the Best Booze. Catholic Cocktails the Cure for Cara. Presbyterian Pick-me-ups for Pious People. With others equally apt and alliterative for Episcopalians and Methodists. Personally, though no prohibitionist (as I have endeavoured to make clear), I am entirely for prohibiting this sort of thing.

, Dear "Civis," —At the break-up of One of our schools Sir Robert Stout gave a short address (or was it long?), in which he "appealed to the boys and girls, if they wanted to live good lives, never to taste intoxicating liquor. . . . Ho would also say to the boys, 'Do not touch tobacco either. " Imagine my surprise when I read at the conclusion of the break-up

ceremony that the chairman presented the head master, on behalf of the boys of the band, with a i-.ipe as a mark of their esteem and appreciation of all ho had done for them. Unnoticed or forgotten, this letter haa lain in my /drawer for—l know not how long. Sir Robert Stout as a prohibitionist, ready to prohibit tobacco as well as liquor—that is an old story. Before the referendum poll his words were in all" newspapers:—"As I said in 1876 in Parliament, so I repeat now, Once you admit that the sale of alcohol must •be licensed then you cannot stop at the power being granted to the people to prevent all sale. Personal liberty must give way to the State." If the State licenses alcohol, the State can abolish alcohol; if the State licenses tobacco, the State can abolish tobacco; if the State licenses marriage (as it does,—-nobody may marry without the State's leave and license duly obtained and paid for), the State can abolish marriage. Lovely reasoning this. Doubtless the State could do anything—could even abolish the office of Lord High Executioner and leave Othello to lament his occupation gone. The State is everything, the individual nothing,— the State may abolish the individual. Whence it comes about that there are individuals called anarchists who want to abolish the State. A correspondent asks whether I can guide him to "Rhymes of the Law Courts." Not under that title. Thackeray's "Ballads of Pleaceman X" perhaps might £ll the bill: My name is Pleaceman X; Last night I was ihVbed 1 , A dream did me perplex, Which came into my E'dd. . . « etc., etc., also: These lawyers, sjx-and-eight, Was a-livin' at their ease, A-sendin' of their writs abowt. And droring in the fees, When there erose a cirkimstance As is like to make a breeze. . . . Any bookseller can advise on " Ballads of Pleaceman X," by Thackeray. Otherwise the law courts are no haunt of the muses. There are, it is true, compositions in verse which are handed down from one law generation to another along with Justinian's Pandects, Blackstone's Commentaries, Coke upon Littleton, Jarman on Wills, and Byles on Bills, — compositions of a child-like simplicity, as we should expect: Mr Leach made a speech, angry, neat, but wrongi Mr Hart, oh the other part, waa heavy, dull, and long.

Mr Parker made tb» case darker, which ■was dark enough, -without: Mr Cook cited his book, and the- Chancellor said, " I doubt." Again: A woman having settlement Married' a man with nonej « 'Twas questioned if, the husband dead, Her settlement was gone. Quoth Pratt, C.J!, " Her settlement Suspended did remain. Living the husband; but, him dead, It doth revive again." Chorus of Fuisne Judges: Living the husband; but, him dead, It doth revive again I That is about the high-water mark of law) courts poetry.

On the other hand. Bench,and.Bar alike are fertile in humours.-. Month after month pf late the editor" of Blackwood's Magazine has thought it worth while to find room for humorous law stories old and new. mostly old. It*is an old story that legal education at the Inns of Court was" Toy. dining. . "

The student who had eaten the regulation number of dinners, and paid the regulation number of pounds, was called before the Bsnch. A paper was put into his hanos by 'an official of the Inn. The student read from the paper, " I say that the widow, shall have her dower." This sentence convinced the Bench so completely of the student's learning that he was not allowed to read any more. The senior Bancher bowed to the student, the student bowed to the Bench and retired; the " learned exercise" was over, and the performer was declared a fit and proper person to practise the law. Later, a reforming Chancellor established a real examination, how real may be learned from the frankness of an examiner. He had passeoVa student in a subject not read. "My rule," said he, "is to pass a man who gets fifty per 'cent, of full marks. Well, I asked him two questions. The first was, What is the Rule in \ "Shelley's case? He answered that it had v eomething to do with poetry. Well, thai was wrong. Then I asked him, What is a contingent remainder? He answered that "he was sure he didn't know. Well,) that was tight, and so I passed him." But there are lawyers for whom neither law nor literature is.a necessity—e.g.: Old Bailey practitioner addressing- the • jury:—" Gentlemen, the Scriptures tell us thabf Pontius Pilate wrote on the outward and invulnerable wall of mighfcy Nineveh 'these terrible and tragio words, Mene, mene, tekel, upharsin, which, being interpreted, mean . . .' "The Scriptures," the judge snapped in angrily, "don't tell us that Pontius Pilate wrote any such words on any wall anywhere." Counsel stared for a moment at the judge, indignant and amazed. Then ho replied with great dignity, "My lord, the Scriptures certainly tell us that somebody wrote those • words on some wall somewhere; and whoever the writer and wherever the wall, the principle .is the same." Though old,, this story is. etill good fo* telling. Reminds me rather of the local demand ior " Paul, the Prohibitionist,'*, and for keeping " Paul the Prohibitionist well in the foreground." As it "chances, Paul the Apostle was no prohibitionist,— quite the other way. But the principle it the same. Crvrs.