SHORT STORIES.

Otago Witness, Issue 3396, 16 April 1919, Page 66

SHORT STORIES.

[All Rights Reserved.]

THE SULTAN'S VISIT.

By Raj>cliffe Maktin

If you don'* knotf Usher's Stores, where you can get shaved or cremated, or buy a castle or a counterpane, or have a tooth stopped or a tiara reset (all for prompt Cash only), you are very far from knowing your London. To placid moneyed folk who wish to avoid trouble Usher's a.cts as a kind of providence. If your wifo elopes Usher's detective staff are on her track at once. If a pipe bursts, a telephone message to Usher's will bring that incredible thing, a speedy plumber. The brain of this great establishment was Samuel Usher. It is written in the annals of the London drapery trade how he started one year in a tiny Berlin wool shop, added miliinery the next year, broke out into dress goods and underwear the year following, and finally settled down to the steady addition of six departments ever"*- year.

Ou this particular morning Mr Usher struggle! out of his fur coat as he dashed down the passage to his private office, threw it to the serf who held the door open for him, and shouted : "Note-book 1" An energetic shorthand clerk was waiting there with opened book and sharpened pencil. He knew that the great mind was always fertile of ideas a's it whirled towards business.

"New department!'' cried Mr Usher triumphantly. "Usher's aerodrome at Finchley. Note: Transfer the'fields at Finchley from Dairy Department to new Aerodrome Department. Dairy Department to rent new fields in neighbourhood. Mr Rogers, of Department, to see at once to levelling hedges and making ground suitable; also to start erecting at once ten hangars for aeroplanes. Paris purchasing agent to procure 6ix aeroplanes of assorted types for instant delivery. Publication Department to insert advertisement of aerodrome on front page of next price list: 'Aeroplanes on sale or hire. Repairs to all classes of 'aeroplanes. Accommodation for aeroplanes and use of' practice ground —proof to be submitted to me. .There —that will ;do.\"

Mr Usher threw himself into his .armchair, rubbed his hands with satisfaction, and said to his general \ manager: "Thought it out in the car, Ma" Williams."

"You're a wonder, sir," said the general manager,.and his remark was not mere flattery. He had begun life as errand-boy in the little Berlin wool shop, and had been a devoted and admiring follower of the great man ever since. "I am," replied Mr Usher with simple frankness "Not that my brains are any better than other people's"—murmurs of protest from the manager—"but that I have the happy knack of knowing exactly what the public wants." "It's a gift, sir," replied the admiring Williams. "By the way, sir, there's a gentleman of the name of Angus who has called to see you twice this morning, lie's in the waiting room now. Came on person business, he said."

"Angus —Angus. Don't seem to know the.',name. Still, have him in. He may only want to borrow money, or he may have an idea."

Mr Usher prided himself, on his accessibility. Any man could get into his office for one minute. If he couldn't justify his presence there in that time he was summarily turned out. "Have him in," said Mr Usher; "and' Then I touch the bell under the table, come in with the usual urgent message." Tha next moment a tall, well-built young man entered. "Good morning, Mr Usher." / Mr Usher glanced up at the new-comer. "'Sften you somewhere. I never forget a face. Where was it, Mr Angus?" "I was your daughter's partner, sir, when we won the mixed foursome at the Frogland Gold Club. You were there that day, I think."

"Yes, yes; I saw the prizes given. Couldn't spare time to see the play. Haven't the abundant leisure of you young gentlemen." "Well, sir, I have played golf a good deal with Miss Usher, and we have been on very friendly terms. In fact, I have proposed to her and been accepted, subject to your permission. I wish to ask your consent to our engagement." Mr Usher looked curiously at the young man. "Well, I know nothing about you. Just tell me everything about yourself. Put your cards down on the table." I'm an architect with offices in Parliament Mansions, sir." Yes, yes. What's your income from your business?" To be straight with you, sir, last year, after paying expenses, I made fifty pounds.'* Ah! Private means?" I've two hundred a year." Any expectations?" "Well, that's straightforward enough. Two hundred and fifty a year to support my daughter on.. Why, she spent more than that h\fnrs last winter." "I know, sir, that Dorothy has been brought up in a style that I cannot pretend" to equal; but, nevertheless, we are deeply attached to each other, and she is ready to be a poor man's wife." "But I'm not ready for her to be a poor man's wife. It wouldn't be fair to her or to you. lS T ow, I'll just give you. a bit of mv history. When I first started in the Berlin wool business twenty-five years since, I wanted to get engaged to a pjirl—Dorothy's mother, in fact. Her father wouldn't hear of it. He said it was no good my handicapping myself at the staTt: my business must be my sweetheart. 'Come to me in two years' time,'

he said, 'and if you're making two hundred a year you shall have her.' I went to him in eighteen months. I'd worked like a tiger eighteen hours a day most of the time. I was making a thou/sand a year. He didn't make any more objections. That's the sort of spirit a man should show. I don't ask miracles, but when your profession brings you in a thousand a year, you shall have Dorothy if she hasn't changed her mind." "But my occupation is different from your's/sir. I can't-advertise. I can't get business in the hundred ingenious ways you devise. I have to wait till it comes to me."

" Some one can, Mr Angus. There must be plenty of people in your profession making over a thousand a year. Bo one of them."

A telephone bell tinkled, and Mr Usher took up the instrument from his desk. ' Yes, that the Laces—well, what is it? Countess of Barrasford in the department! Tell her Ladyship I am coming at once." ' Excuse me," said Mr Usher hurriedly. "The Countess of Barrasford is waiting. I must go. A thousand a year, you understand. Don't trouble me again till you've got it. Good day." Angus left to himself wandered disconsolately out of the stores, stopping occasionally to gaze with eyes that saw nothing at the counters. He emerged just in time to see Mr Usher escorting the Countess of Barrasford to her car. The obsequious politeness, the wonderful bow of the stores proprietor was remai'kable to see.

"If I'd only a wretched title," thought the yourig architect, "he would never worry about money. And the worst of it is that Dorothy will never marry without his consent.''

He felt too miserable to go to his office, and walked miles meditating on his bad luck. He went through a number of schemes for getting new business, only to pronounce each m turn impracticable. At last he was stopped by a heavy hand on his shoulder.- " Good heavens! here's the virtuous Angus away from business. The idle ■apprentice. Come! lazy skulker, and lunch with me.'

He glanced round, and saw his old friend Carstairs —a frivolous, briefless barrister.

" This doesn't mean success," said Carstairs solemnly. "At this very moment a millionaire may be demanding a design for a palace from your office boy. I hope, for your sake, that the office boy is competent."

"For that matter, why are you not in your chambers?"

' " I waited there all last week. It *was a very trying business. At last en Friday afternoon I heard a tap at my door. I rushed forward to drag the solicitor's clerk into the room, and take the brief by violence. - When I opened it, there stood Ogden, clerk to the great Sir Edgar Crafton, K.C., who has chambers just below mine. I was about to express my readiness to act either as junior or as substitute for Crafton in any case, however complicated, Avhen the wretched underling spoke: ' Sir Edgar says, sir, that if you don't stop tramping about your chambers like a caged wolf, he'll complain to the benchers.' ' Give Sir Edgar my compliments," I replied, 'and tell him. that if I do walk up and down it is not because I am filled with remorse for the clients I have ruined by taking their fees and then, not appearing on their behalf.' That was one for the old. fellow, Avasn't it? Come along into the Royalty with me. Two friends are going to lunch with me there—men who will be useful to me in business some day. There's Rogers, the solicitor, who will give me all his business if he ever has any; and there's Elton, who's on some wretched rag. If ever I get a case in court, he'll boom me as if I could give Rufus Isaacs two stone and a beating." The luncheon was a gay one as far as three of the company were concerned, but Angus could not rise to the hilarity of the occasion.

At the end of the meal Carstairs pointed an accusing finger at him, and said : " What has this highly respectable and industrious youth got on his conscience. If you have committed a crime, here are legal authorities who can tell you how to evade its consequences. My dear Angus, if it is a debt there are no higher authorities on county-court practice than Rogers and myself. Out Avith the dread secret. Is it murder or matrimony?" "It isn't murder," said Angus.

"Matrimony—ah, a peculiarly hopeless business. Still, we are authorities on that."

Gradually Angus was induced to reveal the story of his interview with Mr Usher.

'How can I get business?" he concluded.

"I can't run out and collar a man, and insist on an order for a church or a music-hall. I've just got to sit and wait, and waiting's maddening." " I am not at all sure,' said the philosophic Carstairs, " that the period in which a man is waiting for work is not the most agreeable in his t life. I know that when I'm Attorney-general I shall regret these happy days. • It won't be mnch consolation to me to prosecute all my old pals. But if I'd been you, Angus, I'd have stuck to the old. blighter —pardon a hasty reference to your future father-in-law—like a leech. You don't seem to have had a word to say for yourself."

"Well, he was called away. The countess of something or other came to the stores, and he darted off to lead her to her carriage." " Keen on the aristocracy, is he?" " For the first time in my life I wished I'd a title."

" I ought to have been in your shoes," said Carstairs. " There are only three uncles and eight cousins between me and a baronetcy. " With my legal training I could easily have explained them away." " Well, that's 'the fix I'm in, and I don't see any way out. I must get back to my office now. Sorry if I've been

rather a wet blanket on you fello-.vs. Good day." ' 11. Four days later Mr Usher had just returned from visiting the site of his new and now much-talked-of aerodrome.

" They must get on with those hangars quicker," he said to his general manager. " Whenever you've a spare half-hour, Williams, motor up and push tilings forward. Sack every man you find slacking. Promise the real workers better pay. Our new price list is out to-day, and we shall soon be full of inquiries." The departmental telephone on his desk tinkled. Mr Usher took it up.

"Toy Department —yes —what the deuce is it? I'm very busy. " Oh, the Sultan of Indore. Tell his Highness that I'm coming this instant." Panting and breathless Mr Usher reached the Toy Department, and found its head standing in servile attendance on a group of three. .Two of the three were dignified foreigners of jet-black complexion and garbed in Oriental robes. The third was a top-hatted and frockcoated Englishman. " This'is Mr Usher, the proprietor, said the head of the toy department, sliding into the background. The frock-coated gentleman stepped forward. "Pleased to meet you, Mr Usher. I will present to you his Royal Highness the Sultan of Indore and his young&r brother Prince Jumul Singh." Mr Usher bowed to the ground. The Sultan seized the store proprietor's hand and placed it on his heart. Then the Sultan placed his own hand on Mr Usher's heart.

"Their methed of salutation/' explained the secretary. "It is the Oriental way of saying that your hearts are as one."

"I am honoured and gratified," said Mr Usher, "deeply honoured. This will be a red-letter day in the annals of my establishment. In what way can I serve his Royal Highness and the Prince?" ."Pom-pom," said the Sultan, following up this somewhat vague remark by giving Mr Usher a smart tap in the region of the waistcoat.

"His Royal Highness desires to purchase drums," proceeded the secretary. "They are much used in religious services at Indore. He will place them in the temples- as a thankoffering on his return. "Drums," cried Mr Usher loudly to the staff. "Bring them here—all the stock. Put them on the counter —anything suitable for religious services. Go to the musical instrument department and get their stock, too. Quick —his Royal Highness must not wait."

His Royal Highness looked round the department interestedly, and gave the ■<young lady assistants glowing glances. He pointed.to them and made an unintelligible remark to Mr Usher. * ■■ t "Pardon me," eaid Mr Usher to the secretary. "I am not quite sure what his Royal Highness means." "He merely wishes to know if . the young ladies are for sale. I will explain to him that it is not a British custom."

His Royal Highness listened to the explanation. Then he tapped Mr Usher on the shoulder and made a remark which was evidently humorous. "I am sorry, extremely sorry," said Mr Usher, "but I do riot quite catch the drift of his Royal Highness's remark." "He says that he quite understands. The young ladies are your wives. He compliments you on your possessions. I think, Mr Usher, it would be well not to correct his Royal Highness's misconception. Otherwise he will certainly try to purchase some." The drums arrived, and Avere laid on the counter. His Royal Highness beamed. He took up two drum sticks and beat two drums at once with exceeding vigour. ''l can see that his Highness is an expert," said Mr'Usher to the secretary. "Drum-beating is a great, feature of their religious ceremonies," replied the secretary; "so his Highness, as an intensely religious man, has become proficient." The Sultan banged every drum in turn, dwelling especially on the larger ones, and then invited the , Prince to join him in the occupation. "A masterly touch," exclaimed Mr Usher, as the Sultan banged furiously at the largest drum of all. Finally the Sultan murmured an inquiry to Mr Usher. The secretary stated that he was asking the c prices. Mr Usher repeated in loud tones the' whispered suggestions of the department's head. When the prices were repeated to the Sultan he threw up his hands in horror and gabbled a heated protest. His Higness says that he would rather be impaled alive than pay such a price," said the secretary. "Kindly tell him that these are cut, competitive prices, but that if he wishes to have a quantity for some large religious* festival I shall be delighted to make a rechiction of 10 per cent." When this information was conveyed to the Sultan he looked at the drums for two or three minutes. Then with a sweeping motion of the arm, he moved all the big, expensive drums on to the floor, leaving only the three smallest and cheapest. He pointed smilingly to them, and made a jovial remark to Mr Usher. "His Highness quotes a native proverb : 'Beware of wasting money on a woman or a priest.' He requires these for his temple, you know," said the secretary. Mr Usher was doubled up with admiration. "I quite appreciate the wisdom of his selection. I object myself to too ornate a ritual."

Finally the Sultan produced a gorgeous purse and signified his intention of paying. "I shall have great pleasure in presenting these to his Royal Highness," said Mr Usher. "Though I am a member of the Church of England myself, still I fully recognise that there is good in all religions. Would you kindly explain this to his Highness?" "Excuse me/' protested the secretary. "I appreciate • your kindly motive, Mr Usher, but I think it v/ould be best to take the money. If his Highness g«la

the idea that things are given away here he will go through the establishment taking everything that strikes him." "In that case," said Mr Usher hastily, "it is perhaps best to let matters take their usual course."

When the transaction was completed, the Sultan received his change. Then a little procession set out for the door of the stores. The secretary walked first to clear the way. Then came the Sultan and the Prince. The rear was brought up by Mr Usher, bearing three drums. He had not been allowed to wrap them up. The Sultan had protested against the idea, and the secretary had explained that it was the custom of the East when shopkeepers wrapped up goods that the artful traders did their best to substitute a cheaper article for the purchase.

The taxi-cab in waiting was reached. The Sultan took his seat and the Prince and secretary followed him. Then Mr Usher, with an obsequious bow, presented the drums.

"Pompom," said the Sultan, with a dignified wave of the hand to Mr Usher. "A most interesting experience," said Mr Usher to the members of his staff near him. "The Sultan impresses me as one of the most forceful potentates who have ever patronised my establishment. There is a peculiar dignity about him even when he is doing things that to our mind are childish. Still, there is a wonderful shrewdness about the man. I greatly admired the way in which he selected the cheapest articles for presentation to his temple. Human nature is the same—East and West." He hurried back to his ofßce and sent for the chief of his advertising department.

"Chadwick," said Mr Usher, you might contrive to get into the news columns of the daily press some reference to the Sultan of Indore's visit to our establishment. Yon might say that he greatly appreciated our wonderful organisation and any other little eulogy that may occur to you. -I don't suppose that any of the papers will object to printing it. If they do, remind them we shall be giving out autumn sale advertisements shortly. And at the head of the next price list put prominently ' Patronised by his Royal Highness the Sultan of Indore.'"

The paragraphs duly appeared in the papers, much to the gratification of Mr Usher. However, the day after their appearance he was seated in his office when the telephone bell rang. " Someone wanting to see you on personal business, sir," said the general manager.

"It'll be my stockbroker. You can come back in a minute, Williams. Hallo!—who's that?"

"A friend. If you are well advised you will give your immediate consent to your daughter's marriage to Mr Angus." "Who are you, and how dare you interfere with my private affairs?" " I am the Sultan of Indore," replied a laughing voice. "It will make an excellent article for the newspapers. The Prince who accompanied me was a journalist. He has a verbatim note of the whole business. It's much too good fun to be left cut by any of the papers. Be quick and give your consent. Goodbye."

Mr Usher fell back in his chair in a state of collapse. It would have been bad enough to have the public laughing at him—but his staff! How could he face them again? How could he maintain discipline? "Had he not in his good humour complimented the staff of the toy department on the way in which v they had attended to the v Sultan. He thought for five minutes, and then called a clerk.

" Here, take a taxi and go to Parliament Mansions, Westminster. You'll find a Mr Angus, an architect, there. Tell him I want to see him on most urgent business, and bring him ba-ck with you." In an hour Angus entered the office.

Directly the door was closed Mr Usher looked the young man straight in the face. " If you insist on blackmailing me I shall have to give way, but I tell you that it's a dirty trick to play." ' Blackmail you!" cried Angus. ' Yes, what is it but blackmail. You've got up this business. You're threatening to publish the story of the Sultan of Indore to make me a laughingstock." 'The Sultan of Indore!" exclaimed the young man. " I'd understand your anger better, Mr Usher, if you would kindly tell me what you are talking about." Rapidly the stores proprietor explained the hoax and the telephone message . Angus slammed the table with his fist. "Then I know who did it. There are only three people besides'.your daughter I have ever spoken to on this question of my marriage. I'll see these fellows at once, and I assure you that the publication shall be stopped." "And I suppose that your price is my consent to this marriage?" " Nothing of the kind, sir. I don't take advantage of Dorothy's father in that way. I think you are hard on me, but this thing shall not be used in any way as a lever to force you to alter your conditions. I'll stop these hot-headed, silly jokers at once. Trust me for that/ sir. Good day." Mr Usher watched him go out. Then after a moment he smiled and rang for his shorthand clerk. ' Quick —note-book— new department. Architectural Department. Designs submitted f for clients. Special designs of castles, mansions, halls, churches, schools, country houses, and cottages drawn up by our own staff of experts. That's to go on the first page of our new price list. Note for Mr Williams to call on Mr Angus, Parliament Mansions, Westminster, and secure his services for all work that comes at usual fees. Also Mr Angus Is to submit designs for all extensions and alterations of our

premises. Note for the Estate and Constructional Department to see that the new Architectural Department is boomed. Got that? Be off with it."

A year later Mr Angus was sitting in his flat arranging certain business on the night before his wedding. The lift attendant entered, bringing_ with him a large parcel. "Another wedding present," thought Angus. "I wonder who has sent this?" Directly the attendant had gone ho opened the parcel, and three drums rolled on to the floor.

" What foolery is this?" he exclaimed as he bent to pick up a note which was with the strange gift He read : Pardon a second-hand gift. These useful little articles have in their time

caused much profanity amongst the leaders of the English Bar. However, as briefs begin to come one disregards the frivolous. Perhaps in the dim future you may find a use for these potent musical instruments. With every wish for your happiness in your married life, we sign ourselves

The Sttltan of Indore anp Suite

P.S.—Our united love to Pom-Pom."