FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 3112, 5 November 1913, Page 62

FUN AND FANCY.

—" Is sbe nervous!” ” Nervous? She i •ven jump at a proposal.” -- Why is a lover like a knocker? Boca use he is bound to adore. , , Why are darned stockings like dead men? Because they are men-ded. Yellow is the most fashionable colour thi« year It always is—in money. A domestic difficulty is not one of the filings a flat-iron is calculated to smooth. ■ —Why is a kiss spelled with two ss? Because it takes two to complete the spell. question sound?” “Well—yes; mostly sound.” . «i> • being asked. Why not? Some juries oertei^ y jot S nT; eit -‘‘Pa. what’s political knavery?” Pa:, “What the other sides d entering): “Do you work here, boy?” Office-Boy: “Only when the governor is looking.” ... , , >» _»That little girl is deaf and dumb. “Wait till she gets married. Her husband will bo devoted to her. . , ~ IfT Little Elsie (after being punished): 1 think papa is dreadful Was,, he the only mar. you could get, mamma? , . queer, they’ve all had the nanm. William. •* You’re a regular bill-collector. Platonic affection is the back door to the house.of love—the way a woman creeps in and the wav a man sneaks out. dust, pa?” “Yes, my boy.” ‘ T . h ? n , £’, hy don’t we turn muddy when we drink. ‘ Are you a good weather prophet “Well, when the baby swallows a safety pin I know there’s going to be a, 6 d ua^; "Why are vou removing all the rocking chairs?” “Pa has sworn off on swearing. and we want to do all w? can to help b -“ Men arc what they oat.” he declared sententiouslv. “ Oh,” she replied qui c innocently, .“are you so fond of calves b - n Mis 3 -Smythe: “People say Pm very blunt, Mr Brown.” Mr B.: Hum . I don’t know. The things you say are \cry CU -B?own: “What’s the hurry?” Smith: “I’ve just bought a hat for my wife and 1 want to get it homo before the fashion change. candidate for your hand.” “ But mv parents have p oposed another young man.” “All right; I’ll run as an ingot into our house last night.” “Did he take anything.' me children arc all ill, and we hope he got the measles.” . _ , ~,, ~, the feature of yours. Jonee?” A collarette. And of yours. Smith? Ivc got a Suffragette in mine.” . , , ~ “j fear I have made a mistake “Whv?” “He proposed in a taxicab. The minute I accepted he, paid the fare and we got out and walked 1” father, lt is push. It is the push which makes fortunes ‘ “ I got it this morning, replied his son moodily , Father: “Do you think I ought to have my daughter's voice cultivated ! Absent-minded Visitor: ‘ I should think you ought to have something done for it. that valuable piece of property for a sons ” “And you couldn’t sing, eh? ' Oh. I could sing, but I couldn t get the i igh notes.” “No,” said Eadley, “I never associate wi|h my inferiors. Do you i ’ . Reahv. I can’t say.” replied Miss Cutting; _ I don’t think I ever met any of your, inferiors.” —An illiterate farmer, wishing to enter some animals in the “ cownty fayre, ’ wrote the secretary as follows: —“Also enter mo for the h«st jackass. I am bound to take the prize.” Mrs Nuwod (to dear friend) ; hat s the secret of getting a new frock from hubby after he refuses once?” Mrs Wiley: “If at first you don’t succeed cry, cry, cry again !” —“ Mr Grimes.” said the rector to the vestryman, “ we had better take up the collection before the sermon this morning. "Ind*cd?” “Yes; I’m going to preach on economy.” , , . A eon of Erin went into a druggists shop and asked for threepenny-worth of laudanum for?” inquired tTie druggist suspiciously. “For threepence,” replied the Hibernian simply. Young Husband: “Why, Mabel, what are yon crying about?” Young Wife: “Oh, Tom. I’m afraid the baby is going to grow up to bo a pugilist! Just see how ho doubles up his fists.” is a demagogue?” “ A demagogue, my son. is a man who can rock the boat, hirnsolf and persuade everybody that there’s a terrible storm at sea.”

Mrs Naggs: “John, have von read ‘How to bo Happy Though Married'?” Naggs: “Of course not:. I know how without reading it.” Mrs Naggs: _ “Well, how?” Naggs; “Get a divorce.” Patient: “I suppose you will want to send me to a warmer climate when I’m n bit better?” Doctor; “Good heavens 1 My dear sir. not a bit of it; that’s just •what I’m trying to save you from !” “Can that nrima donna reach a Irgh note?” asked the man who clkln’t know much about music. “ A high note?” exclaimed the enthusiastic manager. “ I should say so. A hundred-pound note every song.” - New Maid : “ Please, ma'am, when i bring the d'nner >‘n should T sav “ Dinner’s readv’ or ‘Dinner is served?’ ” M>strees: “Well, if it’s like it wa«_ yesterday you’d better sav ‘ Dinner is spoilt !' ” ness and obst'nacv?” asked a young ladv of her fiance ‘ Firmness.” was Ins gallant replv. “ is a nobio characteristic of women : obstinacy >'s a lamentable defect in men.” The drought is responsible for the. following:—“ Whv do von fish every morning in the bath-tub. old man? Is it a. bet?” “Oh. no. I met wont to got used to not catching anything. I’m going on holiday soon.”

New Lodger (sarcastically): “•!« this all Mm soan that there >« in the room?” Landlady (dccid°dM: “Yes. sir—->ll I allow for one room.” New lodger: “ Well. I'll take two more rooms I want to wash my face in the morning ” Teacher: “Why. Willie, what are yon drawing?” WiM : c; “I’m drawmg a. n-c----ture of heaven'.” Teacher; “Rut. Willie, vou mustn’t <•!<> that. Nobodv knows how lira ven looks ” W'lbe- “Well, they will , shen I gov this done.”