FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 3111, 29 October 1913, Page 62

FUN AND FANCY.

A drawn battle: A war picture. Any number of women dye for love. Harry: "How was iron first discovered*” Bunk; “1 hey smelt it. What is mat which is always in place yet always out ot order? —I he letter c. •-Money taiKs." "I know; but m> husband nas an impediment m h.s income. hove makes tue world go round perhaps that is why the young rolk are m kjssC6 me evenings when I get home late.” "Affection?” "Ao; nvestigation. thafc whe n he thinks of Ireland wanting Home Rule, h.s heart goes “Pitv Pat. ’ * vVite- “And what would you be now if it weren’t for my money*;” Husband; “A bachelor.” • . , Shlichap: “We all admire a man who says just what he thinks.’ tymcchap. "ies,-about other people. "Why did ttie s>ar and the understudy kiss and make-up V” ( ’ Because they couldn’t make-up and k ss. u Barber (to friend entering): Hallo, old ehap, how’s the world treating you; The Friend: •’Very seldom. Even when our spirits forsake us they should be as the setting sun, ready to nse again at the first dawn of hope. Longehot: “Do you consider horseshoes an emblem of luck?’ Placer: “Yes; when they arc on the winning horse. “Have you any family jewels. Gh, VOS. Here’s ray engagement ring. It was in three families before I got h “What is a sentence asked me teacher during the grammar lesson. Ihutj davs miss” was the instant replj. within an ace, of winning the game.” “Then why didnt you. Because the other follow' had the occ. hear Arthur has bought a motoi car” “Yes.” “Where h.os he run w.ih il can hold’her own.” Husband: “M-yes, n’r’aps she can; but sne never docs. P _“Do you know where I can get a good set of teo\h for nothing?” “Yes; go into some backyard and kick a strangc do 0 \ c . come to ask yer to fix up i : ie, '' e . <a a j. “What! Have yer lost jei job. _ “Yes” he said, “when I_was young T was eagerly sought after.” “what reward was offered?” asked the sweet young girl, —“I bet I weigh moron you do, “I’ll cro yer, but ye’ve got to take off \er hat an ? coal an’ wash yer hands an face

fU —First burglar: “Any luck, lately?’ —Second “..d »hi« T blowcd it open .1 «. . 1 don't seem well this morning Jack. What’s the matter?- Jack; “Ah, I’ve got a champagne thirst, but only a beer income!’ . . ~ •< “There’s poetry in everything, said the ecstatic poet. “That s true, tep ict the editor. “That basket over there is simply 0 f manners, which must never he confused with hypocrisy and gush, is an asset for a woman. It is what capital .s to a business man. . Willie; “Pa, what is a philanthropist. Pa- “A philanthropist, my son, is merely a man who has more money than he can possibly use himself. . , , ' P —Pock'; “You will never got the dog to heed vou, my dear.” Mrs Peck: I shall, with patience. You were just as troublesome yourself at first. . V-Jones: “Do you know. I fancy I bate . quite a literary bait.’ Friend; All right old boy. Keep on and you 11 bo worao than bent: vou’ll be broke.” . Ship’s Officer; “Oh, there goes eightbells; excuse me, it’s my watch below. The Lady; “Gracious! Fancy your watch striking as loud as that! . “They say she has made up her minel to marry a struggling young hamster. “Well, if she has made up her mind, he needn’t struggle any more.” Constable; “Yes, your worship, the prisoner a most suspicious character. Accused; “It’s him that’s suspeccious. Aw m no’ suspeccious o’ onybody. A Scottish fisher lassie at Scarborough is credited with having gutted- 40 herrings in one minute. Wliat a friend she must be to the Scarborough sea-maws Onlooker {to drummer) ; loti don t make very good music with that instrnment.” Drummer: “No. I know I don t; but I drown a good lot o! " h ac J music. Husband (irritably): “C:in member where I left my nipo.' \ no: “No, dear.” Husband: * Bless me, that just shows the forgetfulness of women! He: “Give me a kiss.” She (decidedly): “I won’t!” Ho: “You shouhlu’t sav I won’t* to me: vou should sav T prefer not ’ ” She: “But that wouldn tbe true. “Father, did mother accept, the first time you proposed to her?” “Yes my dear; but since then anv proposal that X ever TBJiiio f»ho scornfully rojcctod. _“I think I will take mv phonograph along when T take mv vacation.” aa-'d Mr ‘ Homely. “That’s a good idea.” assented Mr Ncxtdoor; “it certainly needs a vacation.” , , Ho: “If vou hadn’t hern so long dressing we shouldn’t have t>vss°<l the train! She: “And if you hadn’t hurried me so we shouldn’t have so long to wait for the next!!” Teach p' : “Bessie, name one b’ d that ia row ext-nef.” I,Utle Bessie; “TVekl Teacher; “Whit sort of bird is that?” Little Ttesaio- “Our canary—the cat cxtinefed him !" Love ha« both passionate i«-.vs end bitter tears. When tears e-e codneed by injustice then soon ouenob the fire: of love. It is much easier to fa’l in love than to got o-' i of T • Aunt Mara: “Why. what m tho world --e von thinlp'ng nbnui?” Johnnr • “Onlv thinking tin things to «av when I o-m- ap that I us"d to do when I was e bnv." “\V)iv didn’t von «ond '-c’-r min to mend nv electric hell?” d-d corn adam ; but ns ho re"" t*--"’ l ' Lines ar.d got no ho decided that there w.os nobodr- at bo m e ” “D ; d G-e-ondolvn take an interest in the vounar who stood tlie vond sereneg h-** lasi- night: “No. ?h° is out ruling with r'-o man who ran over him w’tb a motor.” A cc-eh-s- compositor in setting un the ,--vds. “Wn-pnn : without her. man would be a ravage.” -mt the punctuation in *he wl-oi' - v.pice wh : eh mad*' It vend : "Wflir-i, without her man, would be a Savage.”

—“I cannot understand why my second husband is so fastidious,” confessed a Glasgow lady to her bosom friend. “He scarcely cats anything. My first husband, who died, used to eat everything I cooked for him.’ “Did you tell your present husband that'/” “Yes.” “That’s the reason A bad break in the curate’s sermon is reported in a local paper. After appealing to the old with “And you, old man, with your hoary head,” ho turned to the young men with the appeal, “And you, young man, with your blooming cheek.” He tried to change the phrase, but it was too !ate._ The new head master was addressing the pupils. He began by saying that he did not approve of canes. Here ho "was interrupted by ringing cheers from the youthful portion of his audience. “A far bettor thing,” he continued, beaming through his spectacles, “is a stout strip of rubber hose.”