THE DIFFICULTY ABOUT THAT DOG.

Otago Witness, Issue 3031, 17 April 1912, Page 77

THE DIFFICULTY ABOUT THAT DOG.

(Selected and sent in by Pterodactyl.) This was the cause of the trouble: — LOST (on the 10th inst), a small Terrier Dog, with a brass collar upon his neck and the tip of his tail gone; answers to the name of "Jack."—Five dollars reward will be given to the person who returns him to John Quill, No. 84Rickety row. I inserted tiliis in the Daily Flipflap in the hope that I might recover the animal,' to which I was much attached. The Flipflap goes to press at 5 a.m. At half-past 6 I was awakened by a pull at my doorbell. 1 got up and opened the window. As I looked out I saw a man. standing in my fixxnt yard with) a mongrel dog tied to a rope. He gazed up and observed: "Hello! Are you the fellow who lost a dorg?" "ifes, I aim." "Well, then, I've fetched him," said the man. I then explained to this wretched human being that my dog was a terrier, while his looked like a log of wood with half the bark off and propped up on -four stacks rather than a dog of any kind. "Well, ain't you a-going to take him?" "I wouldn't nave him as a gift. And t want you to move off now, or I'll call the police." ; "Now, I guess you think you're smart, I dbn't you? You don't know a good dorg | when you see him, you don't; and he went j out aiter ripping the palings off the fence. In about 'half an hour there was another | ring at the bell. I went down. There was a man with six dogs of a variety of breeds. 'Wh-wh-which .of 'em's him, b-b-boss," 6aid this fellow, for he stuttered as if he would strangle on a small syllable." "Neither of them." "Y-you said his n-raa-name was J-jack, d-didn't you?" "Yes, that'e it." "W-woll then, wh-wh-what d'ye oall that?" said he, as he sung out "Jack," and tihe < whole six dogs looked up and w 7 agged their tails like a lot of spavined oxen in fly time. "Why, I call it nonsense to expect me to ; take the whole six dogs because they're' named Jack. I don't want to start a sau- ' sage mill, you understand. Mincemeat isn't in my line." "W-w-well, ain't you going to take him?" "Certainly not; do you suppose I am a gibbering idiot?" "W-w-well, you shan't have him now if you want him. I w-w-wouldn't trust a decent d-d-dog with a m-m-man like you, anyway." | And the six canines fell in line and trotted down the street after him. ! I had not got fairly into the house before there was another ring. Seedy-look-ing man with a semi-decayed yellow dog. His ribs stuck out so .that he looked as if he had gorged himself with a spiral spring. 1 "You advertised i for a dog, I believe? Well, I caught him around here in the alley after a desperate struggle. Fine dog, sir." i . "Well, I don't think he is. He looks to me as if he wasn't well. He is too ethereal for this world, young man, depend upon it." | "Not at all, sir. Only shedding his coat, sir; all good dogs do at this time of the year. See that, sir," said this seedy Caucasian, holding the dog by the cuff of his ' neck. "See how he yelps; that's a sign of pluck; that dog would fight a million wild) oats, he would, and lick 'em too, sir." j "Get out!" I exclaimed, and the dog put ! his tail between his legs and ran for the gate. j "See that, sir, see that," said the man, as ,he seized him /'that's a sign he's well trained; no raw diog behaves like that, I j want you to know. Now, s'pose you fork over that five." "Not much! I don't want him, my friend." "You won't do it? Well, then, take ■ him for 75 cents, and say no more about ' it. He's a valuable animal. You'll never ' get another such a chance." "I tell vou I won't have him." ' "Well, don't, then," said the man as he I kicked the dog over on my flower pots and ] broko three of them, while the brute dashed madly down the middle of the street. Just then a big ruffian in a sloe hod hat came up with a bulldog, sprung in the knees and lamenting the entire loss of his tail. When the ruffian spoke to him he wagged the whole of the last half of him. "I've brought that there dog," was the observation made by that ruffian, "and I'll finger them there stamps, I reckon." "My friend," said I, "that is not my dog." "Yes it is, though." "But it is not." "Don't I tell you it is? Didn't you say the tip of his tail was gone? Well, just look at him, will you?" "Well, I won't have him, anyhow." "You want to cheat me, do you? I'll fix ' you. S-sick him. Bull!" said this oufrage- '' ouß ruffian, as the dog flew at me, givinc | me barely time to get inside and shut the i door on his frontispiece, I guess I equeezed the nose of that dog. But the man threw a brick at the door and went away. In less than 20 minutes another ring. Small pock-marked man in a red shirt thas time, and a speckled dog that looked as if he had been out without an umbrella when lit was raining ink. Says this victim of the I smallpox: "You know that dog you advertised for? Well, here he is." "Oh, pshaw!" said I, "you know that isn't my dog." "You name's Quill, ain't it?" "It is," said L "WelJ, then this here is (he dog. He's tajje best ratter you ever seen. Slings them 1 aT'ound as if he was amusing hisself, he does, and " "But he is not my dog." "And he's a bully watch dog. Look at him—look at him now ! He's watching now! Why, he'll sit there and watch and watch untd he goes stone blind, he will. He'll watch all night if you'll let him. You never see a watcher like him. I'll just chain him up while you go in and get the fivo." "No you needn't," said I. "I'll blow his brains out if you don't take him away." "Well, say, stranger, I am a little strapped to-day; jest lend me five on him till morning, will you? I'll pay you tomorrow." "See here, now, you must get out of i here," I said, for I began to get excited, j you know«

"Aw! you ain't worth a cent, you actually aint," said the pock-marked man as he walked off after clipping the dog over the head with one of my fence palings. Not a minute after up comes a man with a mastin as big as a small horse. "Say, boss, I want that five," was all he remarked by way of introducing the subject." "Well, you can't get it! If you don't leave I'll call the police!" I exclaimed in despair. "Watch him. Yip!" said the man instantly, and the dog threw me down and bit a Elice of muscle out of my leg, and disfigured imy nose for life. Then the assassin who owned him called him off and went away laughing. I didn't answer any more rings that day; but about 4- o'clock in the afternoon I looked out of the second-storey window and the yard was full of men with all kinds of dogs—black dogs, white dogs, yellow dogs, varfiegatedi dogs, flea-bitten dogs, dogs with tails, dogs without tails, rat terriers, bull pups, poodles, foxhounds, spaniels, Newfoundlands, mixed breeds, pointers, setters, and a multitude of other varieties, all growling, snapping, and jumping about until there wasn't a flower pot left in the otace. I haven't got my dog yet. I don't want him either. I don't care if I never see another dog between this and the silent grave.