EDITOR'S WALLET.

Otago Witness, Issue 3003, 4 October 1911, Page 81

EDITOR'S WALLET.

Golden Silence. Piebald was -not a bad hors© to look at. She had a nice white-and-brown coat, a nice bushy tail, and a nice, gentle manner. But she possessed on© incurable drawback —she couldn’t see. This her new owner discovered a day too late. He visited the horse-dealer from whom he had bought the steed and l demanded an explanation. ‘She’s stone blind 1” he exclaimed, j “I know she is,” replied the dealer. ! “But—look here, man' —you never told me anything about it!” spluttered the irate purchaser. •, j ‘‘Well, you see, it was rather a delicate matter,’’ "answered the dealer, couching slightly. “The man from- whom I bought her didn’t tell me himself, so I thought,” he added, lowering his voice, “he ddn’t want .it mentioned. ’ His First. A man was arrested for stealing a pig, and they told him that he must take a bath before entering his cell. “What! Take a bath?” the man cried in a horrified voice. “Yes,” said 1 the gaoler. “How long is it since you’ve had a bath?” “ ’Eaven. ’elp, me,” said the prisoner solemnly, “I never was arrested before — never.” L And the Salesman Said— I He walked slowly up to the counter of the great universal emporium facing the well-known and largely-patronised A Hotel, and stammered something about lace to the man. behind the counter. “Laoe, sir?” said the salesman. “Certainly, sir. We have the largest stock in the city. Will Valenciennes lace do you? Jones! Valenciennes forward!” j “But I only——” began the shopper, , “Oh perhaps some point lace? (Jur lace trade revolves very largely on the variety. Smith! Laoe forward!” “Well—er ” “We have every variety, sir, don’t you •worry. We shall be able to suit you.” “I know, but ” “Here is the Valenciennes. Not what you require? Then what lace would you like, sir?” “I want a boot-Lace, please.” Wanted, a Husband* Shrieks rang out from the foaming breakers, and the throng on the beach gazed with horror to where a beautiful bather was struggling for life-. Suddenly a middle-aged man. plunged into the water and Swam with swift, steady strokes towards her. “Courage!” he cried. “I will save you!” “My hero!” gasped the fair one, as she clung to his neok.. “How can I ever repay you?” “Sorry, miss,” remarked the gallant swimmer, treading water; “but you can’t work her ‘ she-married-her-rescuer’ fake on me. I’m a married man with a family,' you know.” j “Wretch I” hissed the maiden, breaking away, from him. “With all those nice young men on the beach, you must rush in and spoil- a seaside romance!” Then, using a side-stroke, she glided swiftly away. Same Old Story. It the solemn duty of justice to pass sentence on an aged man for stealing. “It is a shame that a man of your age should be giving his mind up to stealing. Do you know any reason why sentence 1 should not be pronounced on your according to the law?” ) “Now, judge,” was the reply of the aged sinner, “this is getting to be a trifle monotonous. I would like to know how a, fellow can manage to please you judges. When I was only seventeen years old I got three years, and the judge said I ought to be ashamed of myself stealing at my age. When I was forty I got five years, and the judge said it was a shame that a man in his very best yeans should steal. And now when lam seventy years of age, her© you come and telb the same old story. Now, I would like to know i what year of a man’s life is the right one, according to your notion.” Molly on tlie Make. There fiever was such a baby I Though father said it, who shouldn’t, and mother said it, who shouldn’t, and everyi body said it but those who should —well, ■ there never was ! 1 “Molly, my love,” cried dadd- bouncing in upon his seven-year-old, “Uncle George has just arrived, and he’s enraptured. He said ‘There never was suoh a baby!’ and he offered to buy her for a sovereign an ounce.” I “You’re not going to sell her, are vou!” asked Molly, with wide-open eyes. “No, ray precious,” cried the delighted father, embracing her affectionately over . this show of proper sentiment. | “Because,” resumed Molly, “she’ll be heavier when she’s older, and ’ll fetch more!” What He Lilted About Them. The pastor had called on the Pophams, and Benny was entertaining him in the , sitting room, while his mother, upstairs, was putting a few finishing touches on her hair, and otherwise making herself pro, sentable in honour of the call, i “I*ye read lots in the Bible,” volunteered Benny. 1 “I am glad to hear that,” said the pastor. ■ “Yes, sir; I’ve read all about Noah, and Jonah, and the whale, and David ana Goliath.” v '.= - :

"And about Mosc|s ercesinjg the Bed Sea. I suppose?" "Yes, sir; and about Samson. Wasn t he an awful strong man?" "Indeed, he was. lam glad l to see, my boy. that you take an interest in, these Bible stories." "What I like about 'em," pursued Benny thoughtfully, "is that you get to read th& whole story straight along. You don t get all interested in 'em and then, find, ( when you reach the bottom of a page, Continued on page 43,"

No—Thanks.

A young woman prominent in a certain social set tells of a young man who had not familiarised himself with the forms of polite correspondence to the fullest extent.When, on one occasion, he found it neossary to decline an invitation, he did so in the following terms: "Mr Henry Blank declines with pleasure Mrs Wood's invitation for the nineteenth, and thanks her extremely for having given him the opportunity of doing so."