EDITOR'S WALLET.

Otago Witness, Issue 2913, 12 January 1910, Page 91

EDITOR'S WALLET.

Misunderstood. He was a benevolent old man, and strolling listlessly round the reservoir, trying to find kind acts to do. It was a small boy, fishing in the reservoir for jack, with a dirty face, a b&nfc pin, and a bit of bread " Well, mj little piseator? " saidl the benign one, laying a kindly hand on, the youngster's shoulder. The boy looked up sharply. " Well," he retorted —'" tripe face 1"

Sh Memory.

The course of true icve had not run smooth.

''Here," cried fair Florence, "is your ring, sir! The engagement is at an end. I cap never be your wife. I could not marry a monkey. And I shall expect you to return, everything you have in your possession that belongs to me." .He ground his teeth. "All 1 have, she-witch," he snorted, "is a lock of your hair and a photo. I don't suppose you care anything for the photo, but the lock of hair, I presume, you will want to preserve as a souvenir." '"A souvenir?" she shrieked'. "I want no souvenirs of this horrible incident. I intend to burn all that you return."

" Pardon ma," sneered the man, " but I did not suggest that you should keep it as a souvenir of our little affair ; I merely thought you might like to keep it in remembrance of the time when you were a brunette."

Gave Her Hope

Tc an hotel noted for its baths for the cur© of rheumatism came a woman, who at once made the acquaintance of every person, apparently for the sole purpose of telling them her imaginary ailments, hearing them tell about their own, and discussing at great length the curative properties of the springs. She made a particular victim of an old gentleman, who, being of a somewhat retiring, silent temperament, was extremely annoyed by her questions and oft-repeated tales of wee.

Finally, on© morning, when he was taking a sun bath on the terrace, surrounded by a few conge<nial acquaintances, the woman approached, inflicted upon him a renewal of her tiresome conversation, and exhausted his patience. His opportunity for revenge came quickly. "Mr Ladd," said' she, settling weakly into a iohair, "we have had so many pleasant discussions about our sufferings—■ and yet not half so pleasant as they might have been, because I've been so frightfully racked with these terrible pains. Why, I looked into the glass this morning, and you have no idea how pale I was! I scarcely knew myself. But what 1 wanted to ask you was this: What do you think of these baths? Have you any faith in them? And this climate particularly, and this air? "

"Madam," replied tho old man, "I cannot speak so surely about tb© baths, but there is no doubt about the climate l and the air. I can truthfully say I fool at home here. Why, when I first came her© I weighed less by more than 501 b. "I could hardly raise an arm above my head. I could not speak an intelligible word. I never left my bed without being lifted from it by strong arms, and my hands were so* useless that I could not pick up a knife and fork. Most of my days I spent half-conscious or asleep upon my back, and 1 did not take any interest in the conversation of my nurse. " You can see now that I have a little hair. When I came to this town there was not a. spear of it on my head. I needed" attention night and day. I was so weak audi helpless that a. child of four years of age might have choked m© to death without its being in my power to resist. That was when I first cam© here. 1 ' " Gracious ! " cried the woman excitedly. "You give me so much hope! How long have yor been here? When did you first come? " " Madam," answered the old man solemnly, ""I was bom here."

Ail Interview with Mr Halley's Comet.

Mr Halley's comet, after a long absence from town, will probably arrive in this section of the world in time for Chftistmas.

Our special correspondent toad tie pleasure of greeting him upon his arrival in Germany, anal found him most affable '' You have been away some htfcie time, Mr Comet," said the correspona«sst

"Yes," replied the comet, wagging his tail pleasantly. "I have a rather rovingdisposition, you know, and I spend most of my time making little through th© solar system."

_ " You find things somewhat changed since your last visit? " 1 asked. '" Naturally," he replied, " but only in insignificant details. You don't seem to me to have progressed- ae much as the people on Mars, for instance." "Indeed!" said I. "Have the Martians motor cars and airships, and suchlike inventions that have come along since you left us? " The comet laughed heartily. " They are three cycles jsvi/ad of you on that proposition," he saift. "The Martians do not use vehicles of transportation of any kind at all nowadays. By a longseries of scientific experiments they have shed commonplace legs, such as you people still use, and have grown wheels in their stead, which they use in travelling about with remarkable dexteric,?." " Using their owr Stores of physical power?" I demanded

"If they choose,' replied the comet, "but preferably not. Any Martian who proposes to go off on a long journey purchases a box of solar pills, each pill containing stored-up energy gathered from the sun equal to eight million horse-power One of these pills swallowed in th© morning will carry you 10,000 miles before lunch with perfect ease."

"But how about the airship? Have they got us beaten on that score, too?" I asked. "Beaton to a. standstill," smiled the Comet. After experimenting with all sorts of contrivances, such as aeroplanes, balloons, zippillins, and other futile things, Professor Mulligirubbs, of the Martian Society of Aviation, discovered that back in the primeval days all men were able to fly, and that their wings, which, we had all supposed to have' been lost, along with man's tail, were not really lost at all, but still remained in the shape of our ears. The thing to do, obviously, was to restore the ear to its original use, and after nearly 40 years of experimentation the professor bas succeeded! in discovering a method by vvhich auricular aviation is an assumed fact, so that now any Martian at all who wishes Ic fly through the air hae only to stretch his ears, flap them a few times, and soar to his heart's content."

"Very interesting," said I. "I suppose they are rather curious over there about

"Not at all," replied the Comet. "They know all about you people—earthworms, they call you. Their atmosphere, which is very different from yours, has certain of the powders of a magnifying glass, and whenever they wish to see what you are doing all they have to do is to look. On a clear day you are quite as visible to them as you are to yourselves, only they don't find' you particularly interesting. Of course a miscroscopic lens of such power is strong enough to- enable them to see right through you, and! Ihey say that, while you are amusing in a way, you are a rather empty lot."