DASH FOR BREVITY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2913, 12 January 1910, Page 84

DASH FOR BREVITY.

AMUSING SKIT ON "MODERN" JOURNALISM.

Nothing is sacred to the hand of the ingenious parodist. While such books as "Hustled History" and '-'lf" are still fresh on the public mind, the able authors of these volumes have, in collaboration with George Morrow, brought out a new volume, "Farthest from the Truth," described as a "series of dashes,' J and published for one shilling net by Sir Isaac Pitman and Sons (Ltd.). As the subtitle of the book suggests, the idea is derived from the recent Polar quests. It is developed with singular success. The opening passage.? describe the search for the centre of the earth by rival explorers in the persons of such writers as Lady Cardigan and Mrs Elinor Glyn. This is the "dash for the caloric." Then follow numerous satires of the foibles of presentday celebrities. Probably the most amusing are the chapters which constitute a skit" on some .types of "modern" journalism. These are grouped under the main heading of a "Dash for Brevity," and outline the history of a scheme far producing "brief, concentrated versions of the thousand best books." The following are typical extracts: HIS LORDSHIP'S FIRST BLAST.

In this busy world there is no time to spare for such windbags as Milton, and Bosweil, Gibbon and Fielding, Thackeray and Dickens, Browning and Tennyson. All very well in their way and their day, but no use to us. What is wanted now is the bright and brief precis—in other 'words, the Carmelite Condensation or the Northcliffe Nutshell. Look out for No.

1 of the Carmelite Condensations, edited by Messrs Hammerton and Mee. Man wants but little here below, And wants that little short.

THE " DON" IN CIVILISED FORM. There is no book that we cannot boil down to a column, and sometimes we can do it in even less. What wise modern efficient person, for example, would be at the trouble of losing bis time in the fantastic, unpractical labyrinths of Cervantes's narrative when for all useful purposes the whole idea of Don Quixote is conveyed in these lines :

A gentleman living in Spain Read tales till he addled his brain; His attempts to right wrong Are amusing, though long; Thank heaven it can't happen again!

No doubt there is in Cervantes's tedious foreign work a certain amount of detail which might amuse an inefficient reader, but he is better without it. If England is to be where some of us most dearly desire to see her, the less our young people know of chivalry the better.

THE FALLACY OF STYLE

Let .us ask ourselves, "What is the composition, of a book ? Whether it is a classic, an unsaleable book about the Germans,, or a detective novel written for a prize competition, it is equally an assemblage of words. Sometimes the words are better than others, but it stands to reqjor tjhat no matter who was the author, whether Milton or Loring, Ruskin or Pemberton, many of the isame words must be used by both. The only difference between- the writers here chosen to illustrate our case is that they arrange the same words 'n different order. To thiis faculty of arrangement has been given the grandiloquent term style; but with style what have we to do? No practical man in the twentieth century has time for style; lie wants the gist of a thing in good honest, straight-for-ward English, such as lie can read between Putney and the City, and that the Nort'hcliffe Nutshells give" him. THEIR TRIUMPHS. The sightless Homer did his best, Although he couldn't see. Into one page he's now compressed By Hammerton and Mce. Old Dante wrote a -work divine, And called it Comedie. " It's not my notion of a farce," Said Hammerton to Mee. The Shorter Catechism Was short as short could be; ' • They took and made it shorter still, Did Hammerton and Mee. It was an Ancient Mariner Who stopped one in three: " Reduc? his 'Rime' to a 'Limerick,'" Said Hammerton to Mee. Locke on the Understanding, They fitted with a key. " That ought to give them lock-jaw," Said Barmnerton to Mee. INTERLUDES OF EXPANSION. Mee: What are you on now? •Hammerton: I was just'beginning Gibbon. Mee : Have you done Buckie's " History of Civilisation," then? Hammerton : Done it ? I should think so ! I did it this morning. Mee : How many pages will Gibbon make ? Hammerton: WtJ, to do it justice, I should say ten. \ Mee : Ten \ Have Jon lost your senses ? His Lordship won't allow ten for a back number like Gibbon. Six is the limit. Hammerton : Very well, 'six. But I can't get everything in, in that case. Mee : Do your b?st, only hurry up. Hammerton : But it's so joUy interesting. ■ . Mee: You'll ruin everything if you go on like that. • DOCTOR IN A WINE GLASS. Johnson's " Dictionary" is undoubtedly one of the world's great books, but who would wade through it? For all practical purposes there are verv few words that any man wants. The following condensation was not drawn up by Messrs Hammerton and Mee, but it may be said to meet their case admirably: Abbreviation.—The latest infirmity of the noble mind. Damages.—'(Let us draw a veil.) Halfpenny.—The world's desire. Reading.—An occupation once sedentary, but now indulged in only by sprinters. Redundancy.— A characteristic of the work of all authors of great books. Savoy.—The earthly paradise. Soap.—See Damages. Youth.—The only quality worth having. BOOKS THAT BEAT THEM. They settled down to Bradabaw With quarts of barley bree. ' My word, this is a. jungle," Said Hammerton to Mee. They started out on Hansard With fearful energy. " My hair's gone white in a single night," Said Ha.rnini'erton to Mee. They tackled Mr Henry James Till tears stood in their e'e. "Look up the trains for Colney Batch,"Said Hammerton to Mee. FINAL RHAPSODY. Dear to the budding barrister Is his initial fee; But dearer to Lord Northcliffe Are Hammerton and Mee. O nimble is the young gazella, And nimbler sitill the- flea; But nimblest sons of brevity Are Baimmerton and Mee. Robust is the rhinoceros, And busy is the bee. But busier and robust&r far Ara Harnmerton and Mee. Marshall we know, and Snelgrove (Twins of high draperie), But quite the heav«nliest of twins Are Hammerton and: Mee.

Beaumont and Fletcher's partnership Wa.3 beautiful to see, But finer, are the bonds that bind Our Hammerton to Mee. No doubt he earned Tiis knighthood, Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree, But baronie3 at least are due To Hamnierton and Mee.