THE MUMMERS.

Otago Witness, Issue 2728, 27 June 1906, Page 84

THE MUMMERS.

i (By Edwin Pttgh, in the London Leader.) j They had taken their stand outside a j claeinisfc's sKop in a. cxircle of pale green light. The street at the corner of which • they stood abutted on ' a busy main j thoroughfare, and thus they had not long to wait for an audience. There were two iof them. Oue was a whining Cockney i with a painted nose, which the green light j caused to appear funerally black instead of > humorously red. The other was a short, stout, very dignified man, with a pale, i puffy face that could hardly be termed , clean shaven, and bulbous features ; he ; wore an old-fashioned frogged overcoat, • buttoned up to the chin, and a battered, ! grey sombrero, and lie stood apart from ■ his companion with his arms folded tightly across his breast and * on© leg slightly i bent. i The cockney did most of the talking. I —The First Smile.— • j "Ladies aSd gentlemen." he began, "me j and Miste/ George Alexander the Great — j my friend 'here on the right — are actors, as I you can see for yourselves by looking at \ him and listening to me. Mister Alexani der. I may say, nas appealed before. most | ft' the crowned heads o' Europe thought proper to turn up. But to-night he has put his pride in his pocket — where it'<? got precious little company, by the way — and has come out here hoping to be able (with your kind permission) to do as he likes. And me, too, I've met with no end o' successes in my time, likewise ; only the worst o' meeting things is that they're always goin' the other way., " This is a hard world, ladies and gentlemen — crool hard ! But you can't expect to soften il by using your head as a batterr ing ram; you will only soften your head. So we wiil proceed at once to play ' the fool, if some of y<|u'll only first show us how, by throwin' a little" encourasement iato the 'at." He paused. A coin rattled on the stones. " Thank you,/ sir. Try again, sir. Every lime you get a penny into the 'at you w>n a smile ifrom my v distinguished friend*' •> —"Smile for the Lady.'*— \ "... That's better, ■ ma'am. Smile' for the lady, Georse! Ah, ain't he got a j lovely sad face? 'Nough to make anybody j sad, though, to have a face like " that. Come, come^ my noble sportsmen-! • It's -a h 'at that deserves to be knocked' about. f a ha'p'ny from a real gentleman. And I i know he's real, 'cos he can scratch his own : head. Tuppence ha'penny. . . . Threepence. . . Thank you, sir. Smile again, George! .... Threepence ha'penny. Fourpence. My word! we only .want nine and eightpence now to make up the 'alf-a-quid.' "And twopence to make up the tanner," added Mr Alexander, in a low, hoarse voice; then, -to his partner: "Pitch 'em si.me more of your patter. Dan. I'd orate myself, but, as you know, this don't happen to be my day for acting the goat." "Must have a rest sometimes, o' course," | h-s partner observed. | " Daniel," said Mr Alexander, affecting annoyance. "\ ; ou are rude." "Well, look at the company I keep!" came the ready-made retort.. ''And don't grin, Daniel, as if that were a clever thing to do. A monkey can grin." "Let's see you," said Dan. — Smiling on the Wrong Side.-' But just as Mr Alexander was apparently getting bis features into position a penny, thrown with considerable force, struck him on the nose. '• Smile, George P' the crowd yelled rapturously, as lie raised his hand, with an oath, to the injured member. " Gentlemen — if you are gentlemen," expostulated Dan, as he nimbly fielded the coin with his foot, "I really can't see what there is to laugh at." "In course you can't : you're not Jookin' at it," a lime-dusted labourer pointed out. ■'Don't waste another word on 'em, Dan," spluttered Mr Alexander, now genuinely uicensgd. 'Give the band the cue to play 'em out, and ling down the rjtf- The show's -nil over, far as I'm concerned. I wouldn't perfoim to tbis mangy crowd now, if " "Thank you, lady," bowed Dan. "Get that smile into Avoikin^' order agaXi, George, as I think we shall require it. ... j Thank you, sir. Why, that's sevenpence! Though we ain't made half as much, even now, as what we expected to — and we never thought we should for a minute. . . Thank you, thank you. George, smile! Do smile, George, even if it hurts youl" — The Policeman — • A const able suddenly appeared, and elbowed his way through the crowd. "How many more times am I to' tell you about thifi sort o' thing?' 1 he inquired, unpleasantly. " Leave 'em alone. -Live and let live, jjov'nor," cried the lime-dusted labourer. '• When I need your advice, my man, I shall ask for it," the constable informed him. " Xo, you won't," rejoined the other. "Leastways,, you never 'aye yet. And you've needed it often — bad — you^bein', as I might say, a size and a-half too big for youf boots, though I ain't seen nothing" much bigger'n them since I worked on a canal boat." The crowd applauded. The constable turned on the mummers savagely. "Uji- , derstand?" said he. "You ain't" allowed

{0 do this soft o' thing. And I've a good! mind " " Good/eartj you mean, sir. . I know you ha.ve7 That's" all gay," sir, ' said Dan, tilting the contents of the hat into his side-pocket. it's father rotten, when you particularly don't want to do a certain thing, to be told you mustn't. Still " He winked ; then " Smile, George f ' he whispered chuckling, as he and his partner moved briskly away, taking their- unearned increment with them.