EDITOR'S WALLET.

Otago Witness, Issue 2720, 2 May 1906, Page 83

EDITOR'S WALLET.

Mrs Tsoi*ser Scores Another Point. to go Home to Her Mother, and Bowser Finds it Necessary to Apologise. — "Recently a messenger boy brought cur Cook a telegram to the effect that her sister, living 10 miles away, was very ill, and wanted to see her at once. She was leady to leave in half an hour, and I took hold of the work and had a good dinner awaiting Mr Bowser when he reached home. He entered the house in a pleasant mocd, but no sooner had I broken the news to bim about the cook than be said : "I thought it was about time for another kick-up. By John, but can't you keap a girl 15 minutes without a row?" "We haven't changed girls in five months," I replied, "and there would have been no change now but for her sickness. Annie will probably be back in a day or two. Meanwhile I can do the cooking.' "Meanwhile I have got to live on ernste and bones and feel that things are upside down !" he growleS. "If there's a worse run house in America. I'd like to knov/ •where it's located. The cook has no .sick 1 sister. She's simply made '-that an excuse to get away .from here. All your rooks do that. They 'can'€ stand your ways." "What ia 'wrong with my ways, Mr Uoweet?" • . - ' "Everything. You crush a girl to the earth. You grind her to pulp. You go around with yonr nose cocked up and demand that she get down on her krees to you. I hare always pitied them from the bottom of my heart, poor things!'' probably the reason why rwo of them said you made goo-goo eyes and tried to flirt, and two others called you an old hen, and wouldn't stay even when I offered to increas3. their wa-gee." "Woman, do you know what you are saying?" "I do." , , "Then, by the great liorn spoon, but I feel like boxing your ears! I make googoo eyes at your cook ! I try to flirt with her I I— l " "Be calm, Mr Bowser. There is no need of a quarrel over this thing. I made up my mind that you would come home ard talk just as you have done, and I determined on. my course. I have my trunk nearly packed." *Tou so borne to your mother?" "I will." "And there'll be a separation and a divorce?" \ "Certainly." "And— and " "And that's all After two or three years you can marry someone who'll run your house to suit your ideas." "I was going to propose this very step. Mrs Bowser, and it is the most sensible thing. you have said for six. months. Yes, divorce is inevitable, but, of course, I fchall *cc that you are well provided for as to ■ afimony. Keither ,of „u6_ ate any of the dinner I liad been io'<6ueh ,, pains to cook. I left the table eet and went up to my rcom and began, to bang my trunk around, but after a few minutes . I "slipped quie^lr downstairs to" find that Mr' Bowser had taken off his coat, "lolled up his sleeves, nnd was clearing off the table and washing the dishes. "So it's .separation and divorce !" he mused «3 be -worked. "All right. It was bound to come eooner or later, and why not now? When a wife will take a crowbar and pound on the piano to give her hard-worked husband 25d0l extra expense it's time there was a divorce. I've talked end talked, but it has done no good. She's got some good points ah->iit her. but it will have to be — have to be." He grumbled away bolow his breath while he was taking down the roller towel to use as a dish towel, and then I heard h-m say: "Wonder what the mothfer-in-law will say abemt it? I know, howo/er. She'll give me an awful roast. Shouldn't wonder if 6he comes right down I'-ore anrt daps her eong-and-dance act. and makes it bad for me. She's got a way aboul her to make a feller's hair stand up. 'Mebbp I was a little iasty — mebbe" so. If Mrs Bowser hadn't walked off and left me to wash these dishes " I had to go up to the sitting room to avoid discovery, and 20 minutes later he found me there. Neither of us epoke. Both eat down" and stared into vacancy. The cat meowed a-nd rubbed against v«, but she received no encouragement. A -woman can beat a man at ia .waiting game, aud. after, a quarter of an. hour I tired Mr Bowser out. He began to- -scuffle his f<set and twiddle nis thumbs, and- at length got up and went into" the library. I listened at YhQ-^teyhole, and as he-- walked to "and fro I heard him 6ay: "She sits therS^^fike a-" Bump _on a log and says nothing.-- If she tfxpect^ me to speak" first 'she'll get sadly left, perhaps I "«_as a little previous when I ground her cooks to pulp, but she ought to have denied it. Instead of doing so, she charged ice with making goo-goo eyes at them, Goo-goo ! Great Scott — me make goo-gco eyes at my age! And two others calle-d i»c an old hen. I wish I'd known that all the time. I do go into the kitchen quite often, but the idea of -a cook daring to call ane an- old hen — me. who owns the house and pays her wages!" He was silent for a minute, during which he kicked the dictionary across the floor and ■banged a chair about, and then he resumed : "Mrs Bowser has got her trunk packed and will want to go in the morning, and I don't know what in thunder I'm going to do. I can't get a housekeeper in here. and I'll be hanged if I go to a hotel or boarding-house. What did she want to fire up the way she did for? She know? Roy little ways, and has always put up with them till this time, but the minute I began to talk she said shed been packing her trunk to go homf. Never was so astonished in my life, but, of course. •I* bad to tell her to trot along. By gum ! By gum !" _ ■I heard iiim approaching the door, ond T got back into th« sitting room. He came in after a moment, trying hard to look careless, and after pacing up and down fee took a chair aud remarked that it was snowing out doors. I replied that it was possible- - He said that we'd had very little .snow $hus far this winter. I replied that I hadn't Been interested. He then took the eat on his lap, and asked if I thought her eyesight was failing. , I didn't think so. He then, skipped ~f rom cat <4o mother-in-law, and hoped shg.was wali.

She was very v/ell, thank you. Then Mr Bowser began to shuffle and twiddle again, and in another minute be rose up and returned to the library. I took up my former position just in time to hear him say: "She' 6 got her back up for fair this time. She ought to &cc that I'm doing my best to make up ivith her, but she won't have it. Wonder if ehe expects me to get down on my knees to her? I won't do it if I die for it, but. it purs me m a hole just the same. What in the old Harry is going to become of me if she goes? It's all right to talk about divorce, hut after you're lived with a woman for 20 years " Then he got ruad and kicked that poor dictionary baok again and back and forth the other way, and it was two minutes before he went on : "Bowser, you are an old crank. Durn your cats, but why do you jump on anybrdy with both fefrt the way you do? You come home and find -.hat the cook has been called avray by sickne^a — legitimate sickness — and you immediately begin to blow and bluster and walk round on Mrs Bowser. Yes, you are an old crank, and you've got yourself into a nice fix at that. What you want to do is to go right out there aud chuck that woman under the chin and beg her pardon and No, you can't do that. You want fo put en your hat and overcoat and go out and slam the door behind you. She'll probably get scaled and ccme down off her high horse and call you back, and then you can make up without loss ol dignity.'" I got out of the way. and Mr Bowser put his little plan in operation. It didn't vrork. Ha stood on the steps for £ye minute?, waiting for a call, and when none came he re-entered the house with crestfallen demeanour. Hanging up his hat on ihe hali tree he tame back into the sitting loom and stood and looked at me. I returned his gaze. "Well?" he queried. "Well?"' I answered. "Mrs Boyvser. I"m an old crank." "While I'm an angel.'' "Yes. you are that, and I want to 3ay -*' "So do I. I'm net going home to mother in the morning." Then. Well, then, Mr Bowsor and 1 had a happy evening together, and in hifa exuberance of spirits he lifted the cat to his shoulder and went dancing around the room like a boy 10 years old. I think he'll be good for at least a week to come.