THE EXPERIENCES AND OBSERVATIONS OF A SPIDER.

Otago Witness, Issue 2689, 27 September 1905, Page 76

THE EXPERIENCES AND OBSERVATIONS OF A SPIDER.

Dear Dot.— Once again I take upon myself the position of scribe. The last two meetings of the D.L.F. I have attended m company with my two couains, the Black bpiclev and the Little Spider. Black Spider has always had a failing for making tioublo ; hence I was not surprised when he began to pick out what he called "flaws" m almost eveiyone of my D.L.F. fiiendp. Now, I have acquired quite a friendly feeling towaids the D.L.F., and am going to tell them what the Black Spider and the Little Spider thought of them. First of all, whenever that one called the piesident spoke, Black Spider ■uou'd ejaculate, "How loud he talks!" "Hjw stern he looks!" and so forth, until the Little Spider became exasperated, and told him that he was all wrong, because it was only by a rod of iron that such order was kept. Now this was quite true, as wai proved shortly by several members becoming greatly excited and heated in their arguments, when suddenly, right when the noise was getting too loud, the one called president exclaimed "Older!" and, as if thoseD.L.F. hud been suddenly struck dumb, silence reigned again. So, my friend Mr President, never mind the Black Spider, but keep on, and you'll do all right. Then when one called Ceies spoke I turned! triumphantly to the faultfinder and asked him what he thought oi that D.L.F. "Well.' lie replied, "I don't see anything particular y wrong with him ; but — isn't he small 9" I was so disgusted that I did not speak to him again for that evening. The Little Spider, howevei. said to him, "Well, seeing you are such a faultfinder, we two will pick out what you term ' flaws,' and suggest a remedy for" each one." I agreed with Little Spider, and we arrived at the following conclusions after careful study and much thought — Willow Brook. — The big boy of the cluo. Not a bad sort, but very hard on loafers. His motto should he "Work while 'tis to-day." Likes nothing better than io see every member taking part in whatever is being dealt with. Ha is "boss" ; therefore we'll say no more. Ceres. — A very hard-working and energetic member, the only "flaw" being that he occasionally stops in the middle of a paper zo drop a word to his neighbour. This needs' remedying : it is "serious." Queen Bess (said to be Snapper).— A very frolicsome member, but still a worker for ail that. Better attendance, please. Milhcent. — A quiet, haid-working member. Great on spelling. More papers wanted here. Maidey. — The fun doctor is invariably in the forefront. Always has a paper, and, moreover, a real masterpiece at that. An energetic worker, but takes „ after Ceres in the whispering direction. Tika.— The orator of the club; can speak on anything. Should lengthen out your arguments, Tika. Dado. — A good worker and regular attender. Slower reading is the remedy required here. Zealia. — A "grafter." Writes excellent papers, but mars the effect by not r-eading them herself. Another grave case of bashfulness ; requires overcoming, Zealia. Hoirna.— The funny boy of the olub. A real entertainment in himself. Can write good . papers when he likes. The smiling habrfc whilst reading wants overcoming here. Oharna. — A "thinker," but not a "spoker." Veiy bashful. Has made a start at writing papers. Trust we ishal'l see more of them. Pakeha. — A fair worker. Writes good papers. Has quite a taste fox literature (and lollies). Better attendance please, Pakeha. Rewa (also said to be Snapper). — Nevef yet heard in impromptu speeches. Please rectify, Rewa. Casino.— VeTy bashful; therefore very seldom heard to advantage. Papers wanted please, Casino. Hazel. — A good worker. Writes very fine papers. Should read a little lovider, Hazel ; also the attendance marks in this case have lately been getting behind. Hazeldean.— A quiet member; very seldom heard. A gre>at defender of Invercargill. A few more papers, Hazeldean. Morepork. — Must be shot. Has not been seen lately. And now, dear Dot, this will conclude out little list of "flaws and remedies." We ar9 only two little innocent Spiders, therefore we trust the members will not take our little talk too much to heart. As we think we have taken up too much space already we must close, but would like to say a word! to the members collectively. First of all, stick by your office-bearers, and if it is de- | cided to have a debate back them up by bringing papers ; secondly, help the president in keeping order as much as possible bybeing orderly yourselves; and, finally, wherever it lies in your power, push on your club. We must now retire to the hay-loft for ths evening, so, dear Dot and little folk, we bid you "Good-night, or the sun will be up before we get to bed.— Your long-lesg^il ! friend THE SPIDER.