Tampering: With History.

Otago Witness, Issue 2675, 21 June 1905, Page 87

Tampering: With History.

— A Champion Pedagogue. — Tha following naost amusing skit will Be eagerly read by afc least all the boys tihos-e "howlers" modern schoolmasters both in England and America are so fond of publishing : — In one of the townships in the neighbourhood of Philadelphia there were some complaints about the inefficiency of a teacher in a public school named Wearer, and the board of super vise rs, having collected some facts concerning his methods of instruction, summoned him before them, and the president examined Weaver in reference to the matter. He said : — "Mr Weaver, the board is not satisfied entirely with your way of imparting instruction to rh<3 youthful mind, and v.c call you before us to-day io ascertain wLafc Kb-* general drift of your purpose was on certain occasions that have come under o«r notice, when you have been giving the boys what you seem to liave considered useful information upon a variety of topics. For instance, Mr "Weaver, in teaching the history clas3, we feel compelled to take exception to your views when you assert that Benjamin FranklLa was sLob in the battle of Agincourfc, anil that Nebuchadnezzar was King of Ttaly, and played the fiddla while Quebec was burning, you

may possibly have later information up'jc those topics than has reached the rest of us, but the coirrmanity is prejudiced against those views, and they make you unpopular." "I don't recollect saying that," said Weaver, "but just as likely as 1101 I may j hive said Agmcourt instead of "Waterloo, ?nd got Nebuchadnezzar mixed up with William the Conqueror. I was sick that day and my mind didn't work right somehow." '"And besides, Mr Weaver, we feel as if we ought to direct your attention to the face that you were wrong when you instructed the class in grammar that Roosevelt is an adverb and thifc tho word 'hungry' is a personal pronoun. Th^se mistakes are serious enough, but when you flogged a scholar because lie insisted that 'bucolic' v/as not an inlerjective preposition and that it did not lepresent a specias of stomachache, it "seems to the board that you went too far." "It wasn't for that I whipped him," said Mr Weaver; "it was because ho put a pin in my ohair. I was only in fun aboat those things. I knew well enough Eoc»cveifc was an adjective." "Well, sir, that may or may not be a satisfactory explanation. But the boar>l . would be glad to know your authority for ! the statement that Garibaldi was a Saracen who fought agaiisl the Crusaders, and that he received his name from the fact that he- was bald-headed? You see, the parents of the children complain about this kind of thing. They don't like it. They say it poisons the minds of the little ones, and ifc mates parents mad." "I'm soiry.'' replied Weaver, "but I hoM those views conscientiously, and I'm going to stick to them." "But such a theory would hardly avail to explain why yoti asserted to the class in arithmetic that vulgar fractions were t>o called because only blackguards use them, and why you made Mr Doyle's boy go clown to the foot of the- class for saying 1 thai there were only two halves to an apple. The community is indignant at these things, sir, and when they learn that you taught those little innocents to speil 'dog' d-a-w-g, I am seriously afraid that public sentiment will be strongly- in favour of having recourse to violent measures. Now you certainly know that there is no authority for spelling the name of that useful animal d-a-w-g. It is preposterous. It fehows a want of a proper sense of tho fitness of things, now doesn't it !" "Well, maybe it does. But I tell you, everybody spells dog the other way, d-a-u-g, and it struck me that it'd be a good idea for my scholars to start out on a fresh, original basis; to get up something new and startling and refreshing in the dog line, and so I threw d-a-w-g out as a kind of an idea — a mere suggestion, you understand, without intending to insist on it. But I don't mind coming down on that. I'll give it to them the old way if you insist on it." "Very well.' But while we are going over ihe matter, permit me- to urge that you could have had no respectable authority for telling the school that Omaha is the capital of Mexico, and that the Revolutionary war begu'i in 1812, and still less is there any warrant for your assertion to the pupils in history that the middle name- of General Washington was M'Grath— George M'Grath Washington. This sort of education of the infant attracts attention and excites remark. It brings ridicule upon the sacred name of the father of his country, and leads the children astray respecting the geographical location of Omaha. It is wrong, sir — all wrong; aud the beard can't put up with it.'' ''Well, the way I cam© to do that, I s'pose," said Weaver, "was that I used to know s man named George Washington M'Grath. and I must have confused him with the other one. And as for Omaha, I'll bet you ifc is in Mexico, or Siam. or Siberia, or some of them places ; now isn't it?" "The board, Mi Weaver, do not think it worth while to pursue this subject further: but while we are here I may as well mention thai in that poem which you wrote as an ■example for the olass in English composition, we find rather too much levity for su:-h a serious matter as the education of children. It is not solely that you make 'Mazsppa' rhyme with 'pepper,' nor that you cause 'frolic' to rhyme with 'colio,' and 'bowels' with 'vowels' ; but when you bring in 'heifei*' as a rhyme for 'zephyr,' the board 1 feels that you have probably 'gone -a little too far, and that your use- , fulness as a guide and instructor of youth is perhaps ended. We think, Mr Weaver, that we had better ask you to resign. And if you will permit na-e I would offer you, in a friendly spirit, the suggestion that if you <an proeare permanent employment somewheie in a white-washing establishment or as an operator upon a saw-horse perhaps your intellectual gifts may find a higher and more cordial appreciation." " 1