The Wit of the WidOW.

Otago Witness, Issue 2660, 8 March 1905, Page 86

The Wit of the WidOW.

Though the state of matrimony has been defined as purgatory, yet it is a condition that seems to suggest and even invite repetition. Many a man who fears that he is being a bit "too previous"' in paying attention to a widow in the early days of her loneliness is chagrined to find that he bas l>cen forestalled, and that the dainty hand hi* coveted has been pi-omised to an even more impetuous and impatient suitor some time before. A young and buxom Tipperary wide-*-, Nelly M'Phce by name, was courted and proposed to by Tooley O'Shauo on th-e wa.y tio her husband's funeral. "Toolay, dear,"' she said, ''y'r too late; four weeks ago it. was I shook hands wi' Pat Sweeney uron it that I would have him a dacent time after poor M'Phee was under board." -And in this respech the widows of all nations are very much alike. . The case of the Dutch lady, Mrs Van Pronk, who had an image of her deceased 1 husband carved in wood, is very well known. When the good old fanner, Diedric Van Pronk, died, lii-> widow was inconsolable. He was buried at Cop's Hill, and people said the poor bereaved one was like to die of grief. She had a life-sreed figure of tho dear departe I—an1 — an excellent likeness it was ?aid 1o be, by the way, especially with regard to the wooden head — carved and painted in =nost realistic fashion in memory of the adored, who, though lost to sight, was still to memory dear.

The wooiei Van Pron'k accompanied his widow upstairs and downstairs, sitting expo/ate- her by daiy, and sharing her couch by night. But time passed, as it has a trick of doing, and in a few months a young shoemaker appeared on the scene who shared Mrs Van Pronk's affections a'ong with the graven image. With tho warm claims of a flesh-and-blcod rival pitted against those of a hard, unyielding, unimpressionable wooden husband, however WGrtlry the latter might be, the result may easily be- guessed, and nobody need" be surprised' to learn that the erstwhile devoted and faithful widow became the shoemaker's loving wife.

Shortly after the marriage the servants came to tell their mistress that they w»re quite out of firewood, and asked what they were to do in the circumstances. The bride pondered over this problem for a minute or so, then a gleam of intelligence) irradiated her countenance as she said, deliberately, "Maybe it ish veil enough now to shplit up old Van Pronk vat is upstairs !"

The ChimJDS widow wilio was found fanning (he grave of her first husband was asked why she performed so futile and singular an operation. She replied, ingenuously, that she had promised not to marry again while the grave remained damp, and that, as it seemed, to dry so very slowly, she saw no harm in doing; what she could to assist and expedite the process ! Widows, other than Chinese, entertain a similar sentiment, and' firmly believe in second love, or, at anyrate, in second marriasres. "Do you believe in 5-econcl love, Micky?" asked one Irishman of another. "Do I believe in second love-, Tim? Arrah ! If a man is aft<n- birring a pound of sugar, isn't it swate? An' when it's gone, an' he buys, another pound, isn't that swate, too? Troth, Tim, I do believe in second Ioac!"'