EDITOR'S WALLET. A Novel in a Nutshell.

Otago Witness, Issue 2650, 28 December 1904, Page 79

EDITOR'S WALLET. A Novel in a Nutshell.

She's a charming U.S. maiden, and her . popper's made a pile .with a simple preparation which will raise hair on a file. Her complexion's simply peach-like, it is !so surpassing fair. (For the brand of soap ( she uses, see advertisement elsewhere.) j Janfes is British, most distingue, with ! a profile purely Greek, and he drives her father's motor car for fifty bob a week. He, of course, adores her -"madly, but he dare not breathe the thought, for he's but a humble chauffeur, and he's only paid to "aur." r ~ Quite a model of perfection, never drives an inch awry, while he loathes the sight of liquor — you can see it in his eye. He abho.rs a greasy habit, even his cuffs are white- as snow; and — his mistress rather likes him: this, of course, he doesn't know. Ah ! I thought you'd guess his secret. Yes, his father is an earl ; yet, despite her lowly breeding, James adores this Yankee girl. Now, papa is bent on "doing" effete Yurrup in the 'mode-, so- decides to use his auto and ignore the iron road. James is in the seventh heaven; 'he'd have died if left Jjahind, for the poor chap s love consumes him — she is always on his mind. He has taught her tricks in steering'; t how to mend a puncture, too, with a simple* little hairpin and a postage-stamp or two. She regards her handsome -chauffeur as the handsomest of men, buit preserves the fact a secret. This is only chapter ten. The excursion into Europe leads our heroine to think.' She left home to buy a title with her papa's hoards of chink; but she's learned to like her chauffeuT. If his blood were only blue ! Thoughts upon this subject cover chapters ten to twentytwo. Well, the tourists meet a baron with a record from the Flood. Says papa, whose glance was' searching, "HeTe's your jnate as ctear as_ mud.". . Sadly 'hero grates' his molars", and his bruised heart is sore, for he's .twigged his foreign rival — would most gladly shed his gore/ And the- Greek profile __ grows .glummer, and the golden curls grow slack : how he'd thump this baron silly, if it didn't mean the sack. ' Now, i:he Frenchman's blood is 'azure, but he's poorer than a mouse, and for years has sought an heiress to restore his fallen house. The proposal's somewhat sudden. Baron "driving, going slow. Maiden thinking of "another, ' 'blushing deeply, answers "No." When a woman loves another, he is cute who takes the tip. (A distorted under-standing.-lost this nobleman his grip.) He's "a* -somewhat hazy notion that a woman's "No" means "Yes" ; so he kisses her with Tfervour. Says her ladyship: — . "I guess you're just the brand of hairpin that I've read about in books,"- anct presents him -with a stinger on the nicest of his looks. Then she looks around/ for "Jimmy" : he .is hovering near by. To vacate- the baron's motor takes the twinkling of an eye. As she seeks her squire's protection, with her damask cheek aflame, quoth our hero, sotto toe©, "I'm on to his little game." "Will you take your vengeance heated?" Says the /wrathful maid, "You bet ; and you'd best be looking slippy if you mean to square the debt." See! , The speed! is notched to sixty. Startled baron's got a start, quite prepared to quit the country and forget his •wounded heart. Now a long and stern chase follows, till 'approach the shades of night; maiden/ feeling very nasty, chauffeur spoiling- for a :fight. Now they overtake the baron's motor, almost touch, yet don't collide. How the craven spirit falters; he is very much "offside." Yankee maid steers like a griffin, though her splendid spirit quakes as her hero jumps the chasm to apply the baron's brakes ! Now a fearful 'struggle follows 'twixt the two bloodthirsty foes,' "Jimmy" scragging baron harshly as his indignation grows. Now they roll upon the highway ; injured female sees fair play, while th& combatants beneath 'her in the throes of struggle sway. Virtue's once again trniniphant, as 'twill always be, I trust ; not a soul will pity villain as his features bite the dust. "Guess he's punished, ' says the- lady, love-light shining in her eyes. And they leave the baron hurling curses to the starry skies. Here, of course, James tells his secret. How his father, quite a star, cut him off •with but -a shilling, 'cos be drove a motor car. How his sphere in England's noWe, 'mongst the bon ton and elite. Then he takes her home to popper, steering deftly with his feet. The Took and the Housemaid. An acquaintance of mine called upon an acquaintance of hers the- other afternoon, and found her in tears and a long, white apron — also in the kitchen. "Why, what's the matter?" "My (fear, I'm getting ready to cook the dinner." "So I see. Bufc where ar© the servants?" "I've just sent 'em out, bag and baggage." "Both of them?" "Both of them ! Do you know what they were? They were vipers !" And in the intervals of singeing a chicken, raking the fire, and peeling potatoes, the tearful one told this tale: "I oame in from shopping two hours ago, very _ quietly, I suppose, though I didn't realise it at the time, and went upstairs to my room, where I lay down on a. divan in a dark oorn-er to rest, not to sleep. I may have dozed off for a moment, but, if so, was quickly awakened by a woman's voice — that of the cook. "She -was saying: " ' Ah, 3he'll be- pat gaddin' for an hour yet.'

"Sure]}' I must b& dreaming. "Then the gentle tones of my German maid, Louisa: "'Veil, git 'em out an' ve'll try dem on yet. Hurry 1 I vos nervous.' "I felt wide awake now, I promise you ! I turned over quietly, and obtained a full view of them. "Cook had opened my dloset, taken down my late&t hat — that beautiful blue one, you know — and was pinning it on h&r tousely head. "Then she paraded up and down before the mirror with an air of complacency. '" ' I'll be gettin' one like this next week,' she said. ' It's a blame sight more, becomin' to me than it is to her. Sure, she has a face like a peanut ! ' "And this was the woman to whoni I'd given a watch at Christmas.! " ' Dis is fine,' murmured Louisa, and then as I gazed at her my horror increased. She was coiling my lovely boa of silver j fox around her neck, and was tip-toeing to peep into the glass. j " ' Yes,- ye look well in that,' remarked i the cook. ' Maybe ye cud sneak it the night ye go to the schutzenfest ball.' "Louisa gasped. " ' I'd be too frightened,' she said. ' But , don't I look veil in it? She was too old ye-t to year dis. She dresses too young already anyway.' ; " ' Faith, an' that she. does,' assented the cook. ' Kape your ears open to hear if the front door shuts.' j "Then she pulled 1 out niy lace parasol and opened it. | " ' Say, d'ye know that this niver cost a cint less than £5. Th' idea of her ' a-spindin' that poor man's money like this ! I An' he a workin' night an' day ! Funny ! luck some women have !' I " ' An' I don't see what he sees in her i anyway,' said Louisa. 'You ought to hear j 'em sometimes fight yet.' J "' Arrant God 1 knows I've heard 'eni i often enough,' . said the cook. ' She has the * timper of a she divil ! ' j, "'Cook,' said I quietly, 'isn't ifc near dinner time? ' I "Well, you never participated in such a sickening silence in your life I "For a moment I could actually feel those two women trembling. Then they rushed "away, and I was alone. ! "I gave them each a month's wages, and ordered them to pack and 'be out of the I house in an hour. They went without a , word, and) I have lost my faith in human ; nature, bufc don't propose to lose my dinner !"